by Dr. Erika Duffy

Is life so unpredictable? Why do we feel so out of control? Do alternate realities really exist? Why do some people struggle so much while others seem to have it so much easier?

You never know what to expect in a box of chocolates as Forrest Gump would say. What if I was to tell you that you have much more control over your life than you think you do? What if I was to tell you that your life is created or allowed by what your belief system thinks and feels it is supposed to be and that just about all that occurs in your life is a projection of your own thoughts? Does that mean we are supposed to blame ourselves for what occurs in our life? No…It means to take responsibility for what happens in our life so we feel empowered to change it, feel more in control and realize all of our choices. Deepak Chopra says “We think we live in the world, but the world lives in us.” Meaning, all of us may live in the same world but how we view it and the choices we make is based on our programming and how we observed life as children. As adults we then experience and see life the same. From that template (the unconscious) we make choices based on our familiar past and life can become chaotic, uncomfortable, painful, unhealthy, dramatic, stressful and as unfulfilling as we fear it can.

A lot of times we feel like a victim of circumstances. Yet life comes from us, not at us. Now what exactly do I mean by that? Let us understand the power of the mind. Different parts of the brain store emotions and thoughts, beliefs and attitudes and we make conscious choices each day based on what these are. We pick up this programming from parents, teachers, peers, society and what we choose to believe about ourselves. Whatever the beliefs and attitudes we pick up as children quickly will become our own as adults and patterns are repeated from generation to generation. From these “impressions” we create a life that is “familiar” even though it is not what we desire.

The problem, therefore, is that when we desire new experiences and positive changes, our subconscious can get in the way (conflict) and it will always win! Hence the statement “Be careful what you ask for, you may get what it is that you want”. It may not be what you consciously want. It will, however, be what you are very familiar with based on these feelings, events and beliefs from a long time ago.

We stay in familiar patterns because it is comfortable there. The “law of attraction” will bring into your world what you’re unconsciously programming it to bring in. The problem I find with my students and clients is that most do not know how to change their sabotaging patterns and they get frustrated and feel angry at themselves and their world. Instead of taking responsibility for being the magnet, they blame society, the world, and their families for these familiar patterns since it is so much easier than looking at what they are unconsciously doing to create or allow their discomfort.

We do not learn how to live a happy and successful life. We are taught what others feel is true. We learn that life is tough, not to expect too much, to focus on fear, to struggle and from this we lose our faith. Most children approach their senior year learning to focus on their flaws and defects and all their imperfections instead of seeing the gifts and strengths in themselves, therefore creating a life based on these imbalanced perceptions.

Ok…now how do we change our life? First…realize that you can change more than you thought possible. Life is challenging but we do not have to make it as difficult as we are. It can be easier. We create a lot of stress on ourselves. Take responsibility for whatever is going on in your life you do not want. Don’t take it out on others. Notice and stop negative patterns by addressing the subconscious reasons of why you may still be thinking and doing this. You will then be stopping the negative patterns from being passed down to your children. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. You can’t take back painful and harsh words so think before you speak. Have the courage to notice what you are doing to create or allow these particular things you no longer want and stop projecting it all onto someone else. Learn to go with the flow and stop trying to manipulate the world and others so you will not experience feelings you don’t want to feel. Feelings need to be addressed so we can move out of them, heal and forgive ourselves and others. Choose to stop suffering. We can possess an unconscious familiar pattern of suffering and feeling like a victim. It makes us feel sorry for ourselves and creates others to feel responsible for us. Be grateful for what you have. It changes yourself and creates more happiness to come into your life. (Remember the law of attraction) As the saying goes “There are no problems, only solutions.” Have faith. Any fear or worry comes from being disconnected from our source. Having faith reconnects us and makes us happier. Try this for yourself. What do you have to lose except the familiar way you view yourself, life and others. Take a leap of faith. I promise you, when you change yourself, your life will become easier, more productive and happier. You will have better health, live a longer life, feel more love and receive much more success. These new feelings will take some getting used to but when you get “familiar” with them, you will never go back to the same old way of viewing life and make yourself suffer again. Don’t take my word for it. Try it. You will feel happier about yourself. When you feel happier with yourself, the world will come in through your new perception. Don’t let the past dictate who you are. Let it be a part of who you will become. God bless you on your journey!

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Erika Duffy is a two time bestselling co-author with Dr. Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra with “Wake Up and Live the Life You Love, Living On Purpose” and “Seizing Your Success”. She has been featured on the front cover of “Applaud” magazine, is a certified Hypnotherapist, a Doctor in C.O.R.E. ™ Education, a certified Holistic Counselor, certified Enneagram Counselor, certified Reiki teacher, a co-host on WZLX Boston, a motivational lecturer, Prosperity Trainer, is a founder of “The Science to ‘The Secret’ of Wealth, Health and Success” world teleconference series last Wednesday of each month at 9:00pm(ET), and has a successful practice in New Hampshire. For more information log onto www.erikaduffy.com or call 603-497-4693.