The child wants to have what she wants
She cries in the night for love in her heart
That doesn’t live up to the day’s activities
The pain of hearing you are not enough, you will never be good enough, why are you so bad, why do you do these things, people will never like you
And on and on until the mind finds excuses to survive and the body‘s pain bleeds in remorse of being such a horrible person
She wonders – how can this be love – it doesn’t feel right

In comes the saboteur – a friend built from the ego
It has many ways of functioning
Some from thoughts some from fears
All from the ego’s perspective of ‘I will show them all’

It’s the one who wants romance
And anything like romance
It’s the one who thinks love is kindness
Help, gentleness and respect
Do I know how to fix this?
There are many faces to please, so many thoughts of ‘this will save me’
If someone tells you ‘you have done wrong to them’ you believe it and do whatever you can to help them feel better, you have no rights and you have all responsibility for others feelings and actions, none of your own
You are not allowed to feel your own pain because it’s wrong and others are right
You are not allowed to know what is right for you only what others say is right for you
And you build your life based on these premises and wonder why you feel horrible in relationships

All concepts that we live, come from the ego’s saboteur whose very existence depends upon its strategies, formulas and figuring things out in life

The one who feels deeply in the heart suffers at this hand
The application of true love learning to be unconditional but with boundaries wants life

No longer will I allow someone to touch my wounds without honor, care and deep reverence

I learned to fight my way through the pain of being wrong
I learned to survive by being ready in case anyone said I was wrong again
A good strategy, my ego knew
At least it kept the mother’s words from biting so much
Ready for the fight I was already hurting and wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt me more
The fight became stronger
And the heart became guarded, armored
If you love me, surely, you will hurt me and I will be ready for that
If you say I’m wrong or yell at me, I will do whatever it takes to keep you from doing that again, I must be the problem

Even being vulnerable won’t insure people will love you
Even telling the truth brings pain
And I offer myself to love, to deeply step into the void of love’s embrace

Do this without another? I feel as this is other than the way to live
Somewhere deep inside me I know that love can be sweet, gentle and kind without destroying the self, the child, the ego, or the heart
I do believe that we all can have the deepest love without harm to the self

My question is when can I practice with someone who will honor himself AND me

Author's Bio: 

Sheryl was ordained a Melchizadek Priestess in 1996. The Melchizedek teachings are from Christ’s lifetime. The teachings were all done orally by Priests of the time and are to embody the frequencies of love and harmony which allows for the ability to radiate these frequencies. There is also a teaching on transmutation and receiving information through the innate wisdom of your cells. In our language today, it’s called 'walking your talk'.

In, April of 1997 she fell off a 50 foot cliff, healed in four weeks by the power and grace of God and learned the Universal Truths. She learned to heal herself, all her gifts were awakened to be used for our collective growth at this time using the frequencies of Truth and Universal Law from the collective consciousness and the Ancient Mystery Schools. See the book about this experience at her website where you can read the first chapter for free at www.50feetin4seconds.com

Sheryl became a Reiki Master Teacher, October, 1997. She also spent much time in study and ceremony with native american, vedic teachings and native hawaiian shamanic teachings.

She was initiated with the blue ray of Archangel Michael, golden ray of Christ and violet ray of St. Germain, white ray of Mother Mary, purity and innocence.

In March, 2006 she went to India and was initiated as a Oneness Facilitator (Deeksha).

Her extensive background is in the Course In Miracles, trained as a Coach by Landmark Education and the Coaches Institute, San Francisco. She studied Oneness, Consciousness and Fitness Training, Health and Nutrition during the 80’s and 90’s.