Dealing With Marriage Separation Pain: How To Cope With Separation From Your Husband

You and your spouse have been having some hard times, and have decided to take a break from each other. Some time to try and figure out what would be best for your marriage. This time of separation can be hard, but it can also be the key to saving your marriage. Here are some tips to help you through it.

Marital separation can quickly lead to depression. If you are experiencing signs of depression, (constant sleeping or eating, don't want to do anything or talk to anyone, can't get yourself motivated at all, etc.), please go to see your doctor asap. These signs are all very common for what you are going through right now, but if you don't deal with them now, you're not going to be able to handle the separation.

It is also very important that you have someone that you can lean on for support. When you have someone to talk to, it can make a huge difference in how you handle the marital separation. Even if that person has no idea what you are going through, they can help you, if only by listening. You NEED someone to talk to. A friend, family member, or anyone else that you are comfortable with.

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If you haven't seen your family or friends for a while, now is the perfect time to do so. Have a get-together at your house. Have everyone bring a dish, so there will be no pressure on you to prepare anything. It doesn't have to be big and fancy - just something to get you with other people, and maybe get your mind off of the separation for a while.

It does absolutely no good for you to sit around the house and mope all day and night. You have to make yourself do other things. Get a new hobby, start reading or gardening, get a pet. All of these things will help you to cope with your marital separation.

Don't try to talk to your spouse often. Actually, the less talking you do right now, the better. It may not make sense, but it will.

Trying to push your spouse to talk to you will only build up more resentment. Once every few weeks, or once a month, give them a call, just to see how they are doing. This way, you will be able to talk, but they won't feel like you are begging them to come back. It will be a more comfortable talk, and you will get closer to a reconciliation.

Remember this: you are NOT divorced. Even if it is a legal separation, you are still married. Things in your marriage may not have been as good as they once were, but it doesn't always have to be that way. Take this time to reflect on your marriage, and think of ways that it could be made better.

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Numberless people lose their sleep and peace of mind because they suspect their partners of infidelity. They spend huge amounts of money getting the services of investigation agencies to spy on their partners. This is in spite of the fact that these people who spy on others themselves also try to enjoy the forbidden fruits whenever possible.

There is another category among these people who try hard to reach out for the grapes, but fail. Such people oppose their partners' escapades with a vengeance. They express their outrage on their immorality and infidelity on ethical grounds. The devil quotes the scriptures.

Let us face the fact. There is not a single normal human being upon this planet who is averse to sleeping with others just because they are married or in love with someone.

We are deluding ourselves if we sincerely believe it is a sinful act to have relationship outside marriage and, therefore, we must consciously abstain from it.

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Let us not forget that we cannot stop our hearts from thinking and eyes from looking at others with sexual desires. So whether or not we actually sleep with others, we are being infidel to our partners in that we are still thinking of others. It even happens when we are actually engaged in sexual act with our spouse and killing the beautiful joy of sex itself because we are thinking of someone else at the same time.

Again, we are being hypocritical if we think of others and not admit it openly. Hypocrisy-pretending to be what you are not-- is self-destructive, demeaning and demoralising trait of character. It creates an unnecessary sense of guilt and, may be, some psychological problems associated with it.

Going by this logic, the very idea of fidelity --it generally means forced sincerity-- in marriage is impracticable and impossible. It is almost immoral and sinful in the sense in that it kills the freedom of human spirit. It creates numerous psychological and physical problems including violence, litigation and lot more.

The concept of (forced) fidelity in relationships has created more problems than it has solved. Marriage itself is very useful institution in that it provides security, warmth and genuine affection. Your spouse stands by you through ups and downs of life. It is a microcosm within the macrocosm that is human society. It is a society indoors within the four walls of the house. It is difficult to live alone whether inside or outside the house.

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What men want in a woman is someone who doesn't take life so seriously. A lot of couples plan out their entire lives together, only to find that due to a small hiccup, eg. Unexpected baby, death in the family, promotion, etc. their entire plans are thrown out of balance. If you can't adapt to change that might happen tomorrow, you could be doing your marriage damage. Men who marry women who can take it easy and who realize that everything's going to be OK have lower stress levels. Their men also appreciate them more for not making matters worse. Here's three ways you can see the lighter side of life, starting immediately.

1. Realize that nothing is forever

When did you last see your husband? This morning, before he left for work? Yesterday? A few hours ago? Anything can happen. He could be gone, in an instant. He might slip and fall. He might have a heart attack, or a brain haemorrhage.

Women who plan to have their man around forever get destroyed when this sort of thing happens. Their entire future is in tatters. That won't be you if you realize that all things come to an end. Make the most of your man while you can. This will change your mind set for the better.

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2. Everything will be OK

Sometimes, things are going well. You're cruising through life. You're married to the man of your dreams, he's got a good job, you're both stable. Then BAM. He gets fired, you're left with a mortgage and things don't seem so certain anymore.

People who cling onto hope, perish. People who get depressed don't pull through. People who face up to the reality of the situation come out the other end stronger. All because they realize that everything will be OK. It's not the end of the world.

3. Laugh at little things

Remember when you were a kid and everything was funny? Why can you be like that right now? I often laugh at dumb things, like when someone falls over. Is that considered immature?

It shouldn't be. If your man is overly serious, get him to live in the moment and find humor from the little things in life. He'll appreciate you for it.

What men want in a woman is someone who can teach him how to laugh and enjoy the little things in life, someone who they can pull through the tough times in life with and someone who realizes that every moment spent together could be their last. It's hard not to love a woman like that.

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There are often complaints by women that the husbands spend most of their time away from home. They spend most of their time away with friends or visiting parents. On the other hand, husbands complain that the wives are always busy with children and do not care about their husbands.

Let us see what the Word of God says on such an issue:

1. Your Friend is your equal

We find details of friendship between husband and wife and that they are equals in Genesis 2:15-25. God gave man the responsibility of cultivating and guarding the earth. He took charge of the animals and named them. But out of the animals there was not any that was suitable for man's companionship. Man desired to have an equal. He needed someone who would stand beside him not someone over whom he would rule. That is according to Genesis 2:20, which says, "The man gave names to all the tame animals, to all the birds in the air, and to all the wild animals. He saw many animals and birds, but he could not find a companion that was right for him."

God then made a wife for the man. She was an equal to the man and that is why she could be his friend. She was part of him. Man did not rule over her. The man and his wife worked together and became one flesh according to Genesis 2:24. There was no hidden thing between them. They trusted each other perfectly. As a result they were not ashamed to be together according to Genesis 2:25, which says, "The man and his wife were naked, but they were not ashamed." Adam and Eve were best friends. God meant for marriage to be that way. The husband and wife must completely trust each other. They must reveal and share their thoughts and bodies. No one should rule the other. They must help and support each other. God's desire was for the husband and wife to be each other's best friend. That is the purpose for marriage.

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2. Your spouse should be closer to you than any of your parents

Let us look at these scriptures; Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, and Ephesians 5:31:

Gen 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife. In this way two people become one.

Mat 19:5 And God said, 'That is why a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And the two people will become one.'

Eph 5:31 The Scriptures say, "That is why a man will leave his father and mother and join his wife, and the two people will become one."

The husband brought his bride to his parents' house when they married during the time the Bible was written. This is what is practiced in many areas of Africa as a custom. However, God is saying the husband must also leave his father and mother when he gets married. Families should not interfere in the marriage. When a husband has to choose between his wife and his parents, he should be by his wife according to Ephesians 5:31-33:

Eph 5:31 The Scriptures say, "That is why a man will leave his father and mother and join his wife, and the two people will become one."

Eph 5:32 That secret truth is very important--I am talking about Christ and the church.

Eph 5:33 But each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself. And a wife must respect her husband.

They are now one. They both have to honor their parents and listen to their advice. The two are now close friends.

3. Marriage is more important than your children

In the scriptures we read in the preceding point, we read nothing about children. This shows that marriage is complete in the sight of God even if there are no children. It is people who attach the issue of children to validate a marriage especially boy children. However, according to the Word, children are an added gift and a blessing to parents. Marriage is a foundation for taking full responsibility of your children. If a husband must choose between his wife and children, his wife must come first. The same applies to the wife, her husband must come first. A proper foundation needs to be laid. The children must know that their parents are one. Otherwise, a wrong foundation will crack.

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4. One husband one wife

Genesis 2:24 does not talk about wives. God made one wife for Adam. Even today God is talking about one husband and one wife for each other according to Malachi 2:15. It says, "God wants husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit. Why? So that they would have holy children and protect that spiritual unity. Don't cheat on your wife. She has been your wife from the time you were young." The first man to have more than one wife in the Bible is Lameck according to Genesis 4:19-24. We are told that he was a wicked man. Now, you can fully give yourself in love only to one person. Between lovers, no one can tolerate rivals just as God cannot tolerate it with His people according to Exodus 20:5, which says, "Don't worship or serve idols of any kind, because I, the LORD, am your God. I hate my people worshiping other gods. People who sin against me become my enemies, and I will punish them. And I will punish their children, their grandchildren, and even their great-grandchildren." There is no room for the second person in a man's or woman's heart. Marriage is the most important relationship on earth between two people. This relationship is likened to the relationship between Christ and the church according to Ephesians 5:24-32. As God loves His people, so should a husband love his wife. As the church gives herself to Christ, so should the wife give herself to her husband.

We have learned that one of the purposes of marriage was for a man to have a companion. That is a friend who is his equal. What that means is that the woman should be suitable for the husband. Husband and wife should be friends. The two become one flesh. No other human relationship should supersede that of husband and wife. So strive for oneness with your spouse. If you need coaching on relationship issues you can contact me.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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