Fear Of Losing Husband To Another Woman: I'm So Afraid I'm Going To Lose My Husband

I recently received an email from a wife who was very clearly beside herself. In her own words, she said she could feel her husband slipping away from her. She could not help but notice that his attention, commitment, and affection were waning. She had felt this shift for quite some time, but every time she attempted to discuss this with her husband, he became somewhat annoyed and snapped at her that this was all in her head and he then became even more distant and standoffish.

The wife wasn't sure what to do. She knew from experience that doing nothing only made the situation worse. But saying something and asking for answers and changes seemed to give her a bad response also. She felt stuck, as though the only thing that she could do was know that someday she was going to lose him and to watch helplessly while this happened.

I had several concerns but my most immediate was the wife's mind set. She was sure that losing her husband was almost inevitable and so she was certain that she was almost a sitting duck - almost as though no matter what she did she was going to get the same result. This really did not have to be the case and I was concerned that she was determined to believe this no matter what. The truth is the fear of losing your husband can become such a self fulfilling possibility that you're almost moving toward the thing that you fear the most, which is precisely what you should not be doing.

Being Proactive Rather Than Reactive: As it stood right now, the wife was just waiting for the shoe to drop - which she was pretty sure was going to happen at some point. Instead, I felt that she might put herself in a better position if she concentrated on being proactive rather than merely waiting to react to whatever bad thing she assumed was going to happen.

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So instead of just feeling helpless and afraid, I wanted for her to identify the things that were bothering her the most and were making her the most fearful and then to be proactive. For example, when she could feel her husband pulling away and not being affectionate, I wanted for her to (in a non desperate and not obvious way) show some affection to him.

If she felt him being distracted, she was to be attentive. If he was rude, she was to be polite. Now, this is a very delicate undertaking. You can't show any desperation or have this come off as anything other than genuine. You don't want to lay this on too thickly because if you do, you run the risk of pulling when he's trying to push. And if you come on too strong, he's going to push away even more.

The key is to really come off as caring, affectionate and someone who wants her husband to be happy and has his best interest at heart. At the same time, you want to show yourself the same concern. You always want to come off as though you 100% believe that you are deserving of his attention and love and you do not need to stoop to desperation or trickery to get it.

If you act as though you expect him to come around and are confident that if you show him (by your own demonstration) how you would like to be treated and what you want your marriage to look like, you will often see some improvement if you've done everything correctly.

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If Your Suspicions Turn Out To Be True And He Really Is Leaving: Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you will have a situation where a husband has flat out told you or is hinting very heavily that he's going to need some space or distance or time to reflect. Other times, he will just begin to walk away. In these situations, it's so easy to panic and fear that your worst case scenario and the thing that you feared the most is finally here.

And this is when many of us get into full out panic mode. And unfortunately, this is the very worst thing that we can do because this will make us do things that we might later regret or that weaken our position and our currency in his eyes. As hard as it is, sometimes the best thing that you can do is to take a deep breathe and give him his space. If you don't he will either just take his space, resent you, or see you as the thing that is between him and his happiness.

And what do people do when they think that something is a deterrent to their happiness? They seek to remove that deterrent for good. Do not allow for yourself to be put into that position. As hard as it might be to trust this process, you are generally going to be in much better situation with a greater chance for success if you come from a place of strength rather than weakness. To that end, you can conduct yourself with dignity and respect. You can make it clear that you want the both of you to be happy. And you can tell him that you will likely be there if he decides that you are what he wants.

You always want to act as if you are confident that this is what he will ultimately decide. You want to act "as if" you know that the two of you are right together and that he will come to learn this. In the meantime though, you will be the same desirable, upbeat and loving person you have always been who also values her own happiness and well being.

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There's no married couple who do not encounter conflicts in their relationship. It's normal and it happens even to those who claim to know each other very well and have been together for many long years.

Problems come and go in life but what matters is the couple finds a way to solve them and move on with their lives. For the spouses, common marital problems involve the behavior of the other or the failure to meet emotional needs resulting in disappointment and unhappiness. If you succeed in avoiding these, then you can be sure to enjoy a happy and rewarding marriage.

Relationship experts suggest that in order for couples to maintain a loving relationship, problems should be dealt with as quickly as possible. Waiting for yourself to heal may only create a bigger problem. And don't even think that keeping quiet will make the issue go away.

When you have issues with your partner, the best way to deal with it is to sit and down and discuss the problem. Engaging in a heated argument is a no-no but talking it out in a calm manner is the most ideal thing to do. Remember that when a person is in a less tense mood, he or she is better able to think clearly of solutions to a problem rather than when he or she is high in negative emotions such as anger and frustration.

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Married couples should lower their expectations of their relationship and they can only do this through mutual understanding of each other's weaknesses and limitations. This will then lead to a domino effect allowing the husband and the wife to accept the other's behavior, develop a willingness to fulfill his own needs and overcome his partner's past issues. Expecting too much from your spouse often leads to frustration but if you avoid this behavior, you allow yourself to take your other half as he or she is and learn to live with him or her moving forward.

A study entitled "The Mathematics of Marital Conflict" also showed how important it is for couples to resolve their issues the soonest time possible. The research covered divorcees and married couples and found that those who got divorced tended to ignore each other's complaints. Those who were married, on the other hand, took action right away to address their problems.

Marital experts point out that spouses who are willing to change signal that they are open to fulfilling their partner's needs. When they hear their partner complain, they normally take action right away. In couples who don't end up together, what commonly happens is that the spouses expect to be accepted as they are without making changes. This attitude, however, is a sign of not being capable of loving his partner unconditionally because the fact that the person wants to be accepted for who she or he is already presents his or her condition.

So again, small or big problems should be addressed quickly by married couples. Don't wait any longer before taking action otherwise the issue will only get bigger and harder to solve.

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Among the many reasons that could have caused your marriage to suffer from problems, a mis-management of your finances could be among the top reasons for this. But if you wish to save your marriage from divorce you have to deal with these financial issues carefully and as a team.

Good communication is the key to dealing with your marital issues and especially when it concerns something like your finances. If you truly want to save your marriage from divorce then you have to sit down and discuss the entire situation with your spouse so that the entire thing is let out in the open and you should be completely honest with everything. Make it clear to your spouse that you are willing to work on all those problems and that you will find a way out of these problems so that you can manage the finances better and most importantly do not be ashamed to admit that the fault was your own.

The first plan that you must create and strictly follow to save your marriage from divorce because of finances is through a plan of getting out of debt. Take professional help if you have to but maintain a budget and a plan so that you can work on all your debts and make sure that the effect that this has is pretty quick so that you can show your spouse that you are serious about taking action and making changes and that these changes are actually going to work.

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The second anniversary symbol is cotton. This provides endless possibilities for gifting, from cotton undershorts for him (don't laugh, ladies, we love new undies), to all manner of cotton articles for her. But why is number two represented by cotton anyway? Is it because the clothes you bought on your honeymoon are getting ratty and need to be replaced? Is it meant to be one step higher than paper in the great scheme of things? The consensus seems to be that cotton is the symbol because it means the two of you have become a lot cozier with each other, and what better way to show coziness than with cotton?

Two years have passed since you tied the knot--which may or may not have been cotton thread--and your second anniversary beckons. How to celebrate two years together? Here are ten romantic ways to mark that second year. These are just for starters; a few of them can be paired together to make the date even more special.

1. Two roses. This is probably the least surprising and most expected gift there is to mark two years together, so go for it. Or, you may want to try a variation. Try two of several different color roses. It really is the different approach that keeps things lively.

2. A two night stay at a spa or resort. Make the first night a reenactment of your wedding night. Make the second night a reenactment of your first anniversary night. Do you see where this is heading? Don't worry; you'll be able to afford your twentieth anniversary, if you start saving now.

3. Two of everything today: love notes; kisses goodbye; kisses hello; phone calls during the day; anything else you do for each other to celebrate two years of wedded bliss.

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4. Leave work two hours early. The boss will understand, trust me. If not, try this instead: take a two hour lunch, and meet your mate. Who said you have to eat?

5. Two heads are better than one. Identify that one nagging issue that has vexed you for two years, and put your heads together tonight to find a way around it, or fix it.

6. Carpool. This is counterintuitive, but leave one of the two cars at home, and go to work together. This saves gas, helps the environment, gives you access to the HOV lane, allows you more time together, and facilitates that two hour, er, lunch.

7. Two dollars a day. Make it a goal to put aside two dollars every day from now till your third anniversary. Then plan a trip, or a fabulous date together. Remember, $730.00 dollars is still a fair amount of money. And if you both do this, $1,460 would take you a long way.

8. Write down two things about your second year that you'll do better in the third. Don't be tough on yourselves, but promise each other you'll find two items you know about that irritate them, and try to do better. Two things is a lot.

9. Fix their favorite meal not once but two nights in a row. No spouse expects this kind of royal treatment. The first night, prepare their favorite thing, right down to the dessert. Next night, their second favorite. Imagine their reaction when they figure out why you've been asking all those questions about their preferences.

10. Visit the local library, and pick two books they'll enjoy. This sends a powerful message to your spouse: after two years together, you know their likes and dislikes; you listen; and you don't mind it when they lose themselves in a good book.

After two years of marriage it's time to celebrate the good choice you've made in a mate. By the end of two years together you know a lot about them--their mannerisms, what makes them laugh, and cry, and get bored, and become angry. There haven't been many surprises for a while. You've settled in. Marriage can be a lot like cotton fabric: easily torn, but always cozy when it's fluffed up and treated well. Maybe cotton is the best symbol for a second anniversary after all.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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