Freedom, separation, aggression, conquest, goal seeking and sex are the basic nature of testosterone. You’ve seen how many wars and conquests have been waged by men since the beginning of time. That’s the side effect of testosterone.

It has also contributed to so much magnificence in the world: invention, creation, technology and innovation.

Men are programmed and conditioned to constantly seek achievements and success. That’s their raison d’etre, like the birds’ nature is to fly and the fish’s is to breath in the water. Embrace it instead of faulting them for it.

So when we label a man emotionally unavailable, very often we are using our feminine-colored glasses. Many men need some adjustment period to the idea of being committed or being in relationship because they’re very protective of their freedom. Coupled that with the fact that many of them have been in relationship with women and they have learnt that being in relationship entails being controlled in one way or another by their women.

I know What You Think:  Is He Emotionally Unavailable Or Is He Just Not That Into You?

Women get upset, insecure, jealous and possessive. They get clingy and needy and expect their men to entertain or complete them (and these women instead of inspiring their men to commit, they are driving him away and sooner or later they are just losing interest).

It’s not that men won’t trade some of their freedom for the perks of being in a stable and fulfilling relationship. Not at all. We have seen tons of men doing that. It’s just that usually they’re much less in a hurry than us to get to that point. They need to feel ready and totally sure that they know what they’re signing up for.

So, He's Not Ready? Here Is The Cure

Cases of men being taken to the cleaners by their wives in the divorce also add to the nervousness many men feel with the idea of commitment/marriage.

So what I’m trying to say is emotional unavailability is often a mislabeling based on feminine bias. There are of course truly emotionally unavailable men (EUM), and many of them are in a committed relationship or married too. Another term for these people are Avoidant.

These real EUM are usually the opposite of those who are very matter-of-fact from the get go that they don’t want a relationship. They, in fact, think or declare that they want relationship but once they’re in, they don’t show up as promised. They just can’t get in deep enough to build connection. It’s relationship only on paper.

Here are a few basic pointers that will save you months of heartache when dealing with men and dating in relationship:

1. For a man to want to be your boyfriend, he needs more than just being into you. Being into a woman isn't an indication that he wants a relationship right of the bat but that's necessary for a relationship to happen provided that he in the headspace for one (do you know that there are 3 easy steps to capture his heart?).

2. Women don't realize often their behaviors are very controlling. They're demanding, they're possessive, jelous, clingy, needy and are drowned by their expectations. Do you know why most relationships end before they fully bloom? This is one of the most cited reasons by guys. Chill. Do you want to lose a guy fast? Try to control him. That works each time, guaranteed (What you need to learn instead is to become a woman that radiates Feminine Magnetism™).

3. Women often don't understand that for most guys being official doesn't mean they have both feet in the relationship. They still need time to adjust and process their feelings and they will be like a rubber band till the relationship matures. This is one of the reasons why guys don't like labels, because women get ahead of themselves fast and start being controlling. Again, watch his actions. He never lies with his actions.

4. Remember a story of a frog being boiled slowly in a jug? The water doesn't get hot immediately but by the time the frog feels it, it's too late for him to jump out and he's boiled alive. Of course we don't mean it in a bad way when this analogy actually applies to "emotionally unavailable" guys too. It takes a while for them to feel safe so they can build connection with you and by the time they realize it they're in too deep emotionally already to just bail out of the relationship. That can only happen when you lower their guard enough like that unsuspecting frog. And let him invest in you and the relationship by making him feel in control like a man that he is.

I can understand how frustrating it is for most women to truly get a guy. Believe me, I've been in that situation too before. You see, there are three very good reasons that men are so emotionally backwards... The great news is that once you understand these 3 reasons it will become crystal clear to you what you can do to smash down his emotional walls and capture his heart forever!

Once he realizes YOU are the one who truly "gets" him, he'll open his heart faster than you ever dreamed possible. When you're one of the special women who understand these three reasons, you'll be able to win his trust and unlock his heart.

Once you understand these three reasons men wall up their hearts, you'll be shocked how quickly you can use this knowledge to ignite a deep connection with ANY man you choose.

Finally, there is a book written on the very subject. It might be just what you need and the reason why you are reading this is perhaps because you are in dire need of some answers to your struggle.

He's Really That Into You, He's Just Not Ready - The Ultimate Guide to Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men Or Guys Who Want to Take It Slow

Author's Bio: 

This article is one of the breakup series I write. Please check my author page for more articles on the subejct or join me in my ex-back support group and relationship forum for more tips on how to deal with your breakup and how to get yourself on the path of getting your love and your life back. Please also follow me on facebook: for my daily nuggets of reflections/insights/advice and tips on attracting and maintaining a lasting relationship and fixing a broken one.

Katarina Phang is an author, love/life coach specializing on reuniting couples and curing troubled relationship. She founded a free ex-back support group and relationship forum