How To Fix A Marriage Growing Apart: Marriage Drifting Apart - How To Reconnect After Growing Apart

Are you and your spouse arguing all of the time? Does it seem that every evening together tends to end with a blow up? Learning to follow these 4 simple healthy marriage tips could put some spark back into your marriage. All it takes are some small changes in the way we communicate with our spouse.

1. Get to the Point First - When communicating with your husband, tell the end result first, then give him all of the details. To him hanging with a bunch of details will only get his mind working trying to solve the problem. This will appear to you as if he is ignoring you, but really he is deep in thought. If you tell him the bottom line first, he will be more apt to listen to your story and you will feel satisfied that he's interested in what you have to say.

2. Give him time to unwind once the day is through - Often men need time to transition from work to home life. Give your husband time to unwind once the day is through before you start to talk to him about your day. If you start talking to him right away, he will not be ready to listen and then you will become upset because once again it appears that he's not listening. What is really happening is your husband hasn't transitioned to home mode yet and you've interupted his transition time which threw him way off track. This misunderstanding can often lead to an argument, but if you give him just 10 minutes to unwind then he will more than likely be all ears to pay attention to you.

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3. Don't try to talk to your husband while he's concentrating on something else - We have all experienced a time when you try to start a conversation during a football game that your husband is watching and he totally blew you off. The problem here is he's not blowing you off, but you haven't given him time to change his focus to you. Men are wired so they can only do one thing at a time and if he is watching the football game, he cannot concentrate on what you are saying. The same thing can apply if he's working on a car, doing the dishes, or playing with the kids. The best thing for you to do is wait until he's done and his mind is clear.

4. Think about what you are saying before you say it - I often joke with my friends that my husband's filter may not be working at any point in time, but if you really want to avoid a misunderstanding on how your wife may understand what you are saying, then you need to think about how she will interpret what you are saying. Men usually don't beat around the bush, but when you are trying to state the obvious to your wife, sometimes the straight forward approach is not the best approach.

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If you're looking to reconcile your marriage because it has lost its luster and passion, then this article is for you. Inside of this article, you will learn some tips that you can use to reconcile your marriage in no time at all. All of these tips are tested and proven to work, so you can lay rest assured that they can work for you.

To reconcile your marriage, start communicating again. Do the things that you used to do when you-two first got together. The reason most marriages fail is that couples fail to do the things that made them attractive in the first place. Don't let this happen to you. Keep doing what you've been doing to build up the attraction and you will find that it's easy to salvage your marriage.

Do sweet gestures that are sure to sweep your spouse off their feet. Send them flowers at work, schedule a date night together, go dancing - all of these things are things that you can be doing to have success in your marriage. To reconcile your marriage, simply do the things that you used to do when you first met your spouse.

If you used to dress well around your spouse when you-two first met but you're not doing it anymore, then start doing it today. If you used to put on cologne around your spouse but aren't doing it anymore, then start doing it again. If you're a woman and you used to wear revealing outfits around your husband, start doing it again. If you really cared about your marriage, these are things that you should be doing.

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To reconcile your marriage is to patch things up and work on making things better. One such problem in marriages is infidelity. If you suspect infidelity in your marriage, your best bet is to confront your spouse about it and tell them the reasons why you think infidelity is an issue.

You don't have to automatically jump to divorce as an option, because sometimes infidelity problems can be resolved. I can remember a couple where their marriage was on the rocks because the wife was cheating on the husband, but the husband loved her so much that he just kept the good fight going to win her back. Eventually she stopped doing her cheating habits and became the faithful wife that the husband was looking for.

I mention this example to point out that your marriage can too be saved. No matter how bad you think it is, things can be turned around and your marriage can be structured to last forever. If you're marriage is currently headed down the wrong path, know that your situation can be turned around.

To reconcile your marriage, simply follow the tips listed in this article. Just like the couple that I mentioned earlier in this article, your marriage can be saved in the same way. It doesn't matter what your situation is, if you can believe in each other and believe that things will go right, you can have marital success.

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One of the pre-requisites to achieving a high level of emotional intimacy in any intimate relationship is mutual respect. Nothing destroys respect as much as the failure to apologize to someone when you know that you have done that person wrong.

You will be viewed as not only being disrespectful of the other person's feelings but will also be seen as self-serving and cold. In such an environment, it is going to be impossible to establish a deep level of emotional connection with your partner.

If you are going to enhance intimacy in your relationship, you have to make saying "I am sorry" something you find easy to do.

So here is a general guideline of how to approach apologizing to your partner when wrong has been done to the extent that it threatens the relationship.

* Always be ready to say you are sorry. Do not take the approach that apologizing represents weakness. If you do, you will be hesitant to apologize and of course intimacy at all levels is going to suffer.

* As soon as you are made aware that you have done your partner wrong, at least prepare yourself to issue an apology and do it shortly thereafter. Waiting to apologize when it is clear that you have done wrong sends a bad message - that you are more concerned about your feelings than the feelings of your partner.

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* If your partner feels like venting during the apology, pause the apology and be a good listener instead. Maybe you can fashion your apology to address some of the issues being vented about.

* Your apology should be done in a manner that says you get it, you understand your actions and the consequences. Also, if it is a serious offense, it helps a lot if you make it clear to your partner how much you have also hurt yourself by your own actions.

* Take responsibility. Do not lace your apology with excuses for your actions. Even if there are in fact reasonable excuses, still take responsibility. Taking responsibility communicates to your partner that you have no problem taking ownership of the problem. That you are not in denial about what happened.

Intimacy in a relationship depends a lot on components such as honesty, compassion, empathy and a sense of honor. Apologizing without delay when you have done your partner wrong is one sure way to enhance both emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship while reinforcing these values.

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Is it possible that a wife can be reverent toward her husband and disrespectful at the same time? I raise this question in hopes of offering a biblical perspective to this nagging marital dilemma. Husbands routinely admit feeling disregarded and disrespected by their wives. Wives indicate feeling overly responsible. They feel put down when they take up responsibilities assigned and/or agreed to by their husbands.

Consider that reverence has to do with who someone is. This is indicative of the authority and position one holds in another individual's life. Respect has to do with what one does. It relates to how one behaves or performs.

In Ephesians 5:33, these two words are used interchangeably. The King James Bible Version reads,

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

The New King James Version records,

"Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The Amplified Version uses them both to make its point.

"However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverencesher husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]."

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And the Message Translation uses the word, "honor" in place of them both. Peter adds to the apparent confusion writing,

"When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]." (I Peter 3:2 Amplified Version)

Using these two words synonymously does not permit us to distinguish who someone is from what he or she does. This is unfortunate for a wife because there are times in which she may act in a manner that is disrespectful, and yet still reverence her husband.

Moses' wife, Zipporah found herself in this situation. Exodus 4:25 (NKJV) reports,

"Then Zipporah took a sharp stone and cut off the foreskin of her son and cast it at Moses' feet, and said, "Surely you are a husband of blood to me!"

The Bible does not tell us whether Zipporah's motives were self-serving or not. What we do know is this:

1. According to Jewish Law (Leviticus 12:3), male children were to be circumcised on the eighth day. God assigned fathers responsibility to perform this task. Moses had not.

2. God sought to kill Moses en-route to fulfilling his divine purpose. Exodus 4:24 reads,

"And it came to pass on the way, at the encampment, that the Lord met him and sought to kill him."

3. After Zipporah circumcised their second son, Eliezer Exodus 4:26 says,

"So He (God) let him (Moses) go."

God let Moses off the hook after Zipporah performed the requirement of circumcision. Regardless of Zipporah's motive, she intervened to Moses benefit. We can only wonder had she not intervened what might have been the outcome to Moses story. Remember, God sought to kill him. And this was after Moses was called, equipped and sent to do God's will! Moses' was in the process of carrying out God's will, when God confronted him!

Did Zipporah disrespect Moses? Yes. Zipporah showed no regard for Moses failure to obey God. In fact, she condemned Moses behavior by assuming responsibility to circumcise her son. Was she angry? Perhaps. Was she concerned about her own standing with God? Maybe. Was Zipporah irreverent toward Moses? I suggest not. Zipporah reinforced her position in relationship to Moses as her husband and one in authority over her. Read what she says in Exodus 4:26,

"Then she said, "You are a husband of blood!"-because of the circumcision."

Zipporah told Moses who he was (to her). She accepted Moses authority and position in her life. Zipporah disagreed with Moses behavior and intervened out of necessity. She did not go along with his irresponsibility. Yet, she maintained reverence for who Moses was to her. We applaud Moses, while we look unfavorably upon Zipporah.

To fully appreciate what Zipporah did we must consider the back-story. Exodus 4 opens with Moses still defiant and struggling to assume the authority and responsibility God assigned him. His self-depreciation began in Exodus 3. In response to learning of his assignment Moses began disqualifying himself. At first, Moses questioned who he was (Exodus 3:11). He asked God what authority he had to confront Pharaoh. Moses had an identity problem. God assured Moses that he was His choice and vested with the authority necessary to carry out the assignment.

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Then Moses expressed uncertainty as to how to respond to the Israelite's questions about who was backing him in this assignment (Exodus 3:13-18). After God re-assured Moses that the Israelites would obey him, Moses questions his leadership ability (Exodus 4:1). He did not think others would follow him. He had proof. Forty years ago upon breaking up a fight between to Hebrews, one objected to his leadership (Exodus 2:13 and 14). God responded by engaging Moses in 3 miracles to prove that He was indeed with Moses (Exodus 4:2-9).

Then Moses cites his inability to speak persuasively (Exodus 4:10). God again re-assures Moses that he is well-abled. But Moses answers by requesting God get someone else to confront Pharaoh and deliver the children of Israel (Exodus 4:13). God had enough. Moses self-depreciation amounted to nothing more than pride and rebellious attempts to avoid his God-given responsibility. God was furious with Moses! Here's what we are told in Exodus 4: 14-17,

"Then the anger of the Lord blazed against Moses; He said, 'Is there not Aaron your brother, the Levite? I know he can speak well. Also, he is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you, he will be overjoyed.

You must speak to him and put the words in his mouth; and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will teach you what you shall do.

He shall speak for you to the people, acting as a mouthpiece for you, and you shall be as God to him.

And you shall take this rod in your hand with which you shall work the signs [that prove I sent you].'"

God gave Moses as a concession. However, God did not relieve Moses of his responsibility. God further tells Moses that all those that sought to kill Moses were now dead (Verse 19). In other words, his fear of returning and confronting Pharaoh was unwarranted. After arguing with God, Moses consents to carry out his assignment.

It was in the process of carrying out this assignment that we find God again angry with Moses! Exodus 4:24 records God's displeasure.

"Along the way at a [resting-] place, the Lord met [Moses] and sought to kill him [made him acutely and almost fatally ill]."

We are not told directly why God sought to kill Moses. However, we can get an idea from the verses that immediately follow. In fact, Exodus 4:24-26 (Message Translation) leads into Zipporah circumcising her son.

"On the journey back, as they camped for the night, God met Moses and would have killed him but Zipporah took a flint knife and cut off her son's foreskin, and touched Moses' member with it. She said, "Oh! You're a bridegroom of blood to me!" Then God let him go. She used the phrase "bridegroom of blood" because of the circumcision."

Even God did not respect Moses behavior. God condemned Moses' behavior and was about to condemn the man too! But, Zipporah intervened and saved Moses. Moses continued to be God's man. He retained both the authority and responsibility to confront Pharaoh and free God's people. Zipporah did not respect Moses behavior in failing to circumcise their son. Instead, she did what was required to satisfy God's commandment. And she did so at the risk of incurring criticism from her husband.

Apparently, Moses had a history (partly disclosed in Exodus 3 and 4) of shunning responsibility. Fear ousted his desire to free God's people. For forty years Moses was content living under the authority of his father-in-law, Jethro. While there, Moses did not have to assume authority or responsibility for self. Jethro provided for and protected Moses in exchange for the benefit of manual labor. Now recall Moses first objection to God's assignment. He asked God, "Who am I." After all those years Moses still had not decided who he would be a part from others. He had not made conscious, intentional decisions about the kind of person he would be. Now he was faced with an assignment that required him to decide! And his decision would affect his immediate family, as well as a nation of people.

When a husband does not assume responsibility for who he is, then irresponsible behavior becomes the most likely result. This in turn can lead to failure to provide and protect his wife and children. I propose that wives can be both irreverent and disrespectful. A wife is irreverent when she challenges who her husband is, whom God made him to her and his manhood. Wives reverence their husbands when they acknowledge, honor and respond to their husbands as unto God. This includes the way we speak and behave toward them. In Colossians 3:17 Paul writes,

And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.

Wives can also be reverent and disrespectful. When a husband is irresponsible the consequences extend well beyond him to his children and children's children. There are situations that wives must and should intervene for his benefit, as well as that of the family. The next time a wife must disregard the behavior of her husband for the sanctity and safety of all, I hope we won't call her irreverent too.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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