How To Make Up After A Fight With Your Husband: Healing Conversation After Fight

Saving your marriage is not the easiest topic to discuss, and that's why I'm glad you found this article.

Too many people try to save their marriage without doing any research, and it usually doesn't go as planned.

Many people just want to undo the damage that has been done by a breakup or argument, and so they "rush into the fire without the proper equipment," so to speak. They often pursue their spouse aggressively, and that's because they are only thinking about ending their pain and saving their marriage quickly. This often has the wrong effect, and can end in disaster.

If you really want to learn how to save your marriage the first thing that you should do is try to follow this advice completely.

First and foremost, you don't want to pursue your spouse too quickly or forcibly. Instead, you are going to want to be cool and calm about the situation. One of the techniques that I find works very is to act as if you are not terribly concerned about the argument. I'm not saying you should ignore your ex, but you should act as if you aren't awfully upset. In this time period it's important for you to study your spouse and see how they are feeling.

The fact is, your spouse may have instigated the argument to see if you still care, or maybe even to get you upset intentionally. The reason for this may be unclear to you at the time, but deep down inside your spouse may be trying to see if the marriage is worth saving, or how you will behave under stress. That's why it's important to let them know that you still want to save your marriage, but you must not crowd them in this situation.

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One of the reasons why you must act accordingly during the time period immediately following the argument is because your spouse may be testing you to see how you'll handle it. This isn't always the right way for your spouse to go about this, but human nature dictates that this is the way your spouse behave at this time.

The reason I mention this is because one of the things tearing at your marriage may be your overwhelming possessiveness. If your spouse feels you are overly possessive or jealous, he or she may start an argument with you just to prove their point. Be careful not to take this bait, because your spouse may then become even more upset and not want to reconcile at all. They will undoubtedly cite the fact that you have "shown your true colors."

You also do not want to look desperate when it comes to reconciling with your spouse. Often times, people feel that acting like this shows their spouse how much they love them, when in fact it only makes them appear needy, desperate, and pitiful. The assumption that invoking feelings of pity in your spouse will win them back is often right, but in the long run your spouse will realize he or she came back to you for just that reason, and hastily run away.

Instead of jumping at the opportunity to engage your spouse following an argument, take a step back and give them, and yourself, space. Go out with a friend or visit family for a day or two. This will give your spouse time to realize they have acted in the wrong way as well. The most important advice I can give you is to walk away immediately following an unpleasant confrontation.

You have no idea how many times I've heard horror stories about a simple argument escalating into a screaming match, involving property destruction, and even resulting in physical violence.

Sometimes the human emotion of love can manifest itself in other unpleasant ways. Don't let that happen when you and your spouse have an argument. Give it some time to clear the air and then sit down like adults and talk it out. You'll see that it's for the best when you are getting along and happy once again.

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Marriage is a beautiful relationship that binds two people together. But like all relationships, marriage too has its rough spots. These days people have become more liberated and open minded. They like to have some space in the marital relationships as well. There are many hardships to be faced and many ups and downs along the way to be overcome to have a successful marriage. It takes commitment and constant working from both partners to make a marriage happy and successful.

Warning Signs of a Failing Marriage

1. Not Spending Quality Time Together

A surefire sing of failure of your marriage is your spouse is not spending quality time with you. It forms a strong base on which you can build a healthy marriage helping you get to understand him/her and get closer. Avoiding each other's company suggests that you don't care about your partner's concerns, views and dreams anymore. It becomes a reason to drift apart and seek fulfillment elsewhere.

2. Frequent Arguments

Turning every disagreement into an argument is a prominent sign of a failing marriage. These arguments if not resolved at early stage, can lead to huge fights in no time. In the worst case, either of them may resort to physical atrocities.

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3. Cold Treatment

Absence of eye contact, endearments or warm exchanges, kisses or hugs indicate a definite sign that the marriage is failing. The sweetness in the relationship fades away and the relationship becomes a burden for both partners. It seems to both that they are just clinging onto a dead relationship. Talking to each other seems no more a pleasure and you try to avoid sharing the daily routines with each other.

4. Lack of Intensity in Sexual Life

It is very heart breaking to love your partner and at the same time realizing that they are drifting away from you and your world. After a huge fight, a passionate and a strong sex can help to melt all the misunderstandings among the two and unite them together once again. But if you find that sex is no longer a fun, then the marriage is on its way to a failing marriage.

5. Search for Another Potential partner

When you find your partner showing obvious signs of seeing someone else, it is the ultimate sign of your failed marriage. If you have already reached this sign there is almost nothing left in your relationship. Trust and love are the foundation stones of the marriage. If the very foundation is shaken it becomes all the more difficult to save your marriage.

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If it looks like your marriage is going towards the direction of divorce then it's time you start to consider fixing it up so you don't have to go through needless pain and a broken marriage. There are so many different ways of saving your marriage and returning things back to where they were when you first started. There are multiple reasons that a marriage can go bad, but what is important is that you do everything in your power to make sure it doesn't end.

Being a good husband or wife isn't difficult and it starts with being there for your partner. Communicate with him or her and let them know how you are feeling and ask about their feelings as well. A relationship without a good communication system has already failed, so make sure you don't fall into the trap of not communicating properly with your partner. Starting off by asking how their day was is great, it opens up the lines of communication and let's your partner know you care.

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You can also do small things like starting to be romantic again, setting up a candle-lit dinner and such. But romancing your partner won't be enough, marriage is something that takes a lot of hard work and time. It's not something that's going to happen overnight so you should be ready to spend all the time that is needed. If you take short cuts and don't do all the work then you aren't going to get the results you want in the end. A relationship is just as strong and healthy as the people who are in and the work they put forth.

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You will learn how to better manage your thoughts, attitudes, approach and actions in response to the happy life you want instead of in response to the problems and challenges. To fix your marriage and stop a divorce you need to take a week answering each of the following questions.

What is the Number 1 problem in your marriage?

This question helps you immediately differentiate between symptoms and root problems. You will identify the problem causing the most pain. working to fix this problem will automatically solve the symptoms associated with it and relieve you of more than 50% of the issues affecting the marriage.

Why did you fall in love with your spouse?

This question helps remind you of who you said yes to before all the problems. To reconnect with the bright future you saw you need to remember the person you saw it with.

What is the purpose of your marriage?

Purpose is what anchors your marriage when expectations fail and feelings fade. The purpose of a marriage is the value it will add to society. Your marriage is just as important to the world as every hospital, school and courtroom.

What are the issues affecting the marriage?

You will categorise the issues according to the subheadings below and focus your energy on addressing the first 2.

1. Issues relating to the Number 1 Problem.

2. Issues specific to you.

3. Issues specific to your spouse.

4. Issues that affect you both.

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How does your marriage function?

In this question you describe what is working well and what needs fixing. Divorce happens when the perceived poor functioning outweighs what is working well. You need to have an honest look at both sides and not just focus on the problems you need to fix.

Who influences your marriage and what are they like?

Many marriages are ruined because of advice from the wrong people. If your influencers are not people with strong stable marriages you need to rethink who you associate with.

What did the best years look like?

There was a working formula at some time in the marriage. Take time to remember how life was when you were happy.

What changed?

In a marriage things tend to go south when specific circumstances occur. Examining the good years can help you identify when and where things changed and what factors caused it.

How do you respond to the things you can't stand?

How we respond to situations is always more important that the situation itself. When you know how you react you can take responsibility over your actions and choose a different approach. You never fix a marriage, what you fix is how you think and behave in the marriage.

Honestly exploring and answering these questions will help you see the many dynamics of your relationship that make it great, as well as those causing stress and pain. Next you will focus your energy on fixing what you have most control over. Focus less on your spouse and their issues and more on you and yours.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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