How To Treat A Cheating Husband: How To Make A Cheating Husband Feel Guilty - I'm Always Trying To Lower My Husband's Confidence By Insulting Him After His Affair

It's absolutely normal to feel furious and spiteful after you find out that your spouse has had an affair. It's normal to want to hurt them as much as they have hurt you. But, when you get into the habit of constantly insulting your spouse, then you may open up a door that you might later regret - depending on what you want moving forward.

A wife might describe this type of situation: "I honestly still do not understand how my husband attracted the other woman. I am just being completely honest when I say that my husband is overweight and not all that attractive. He used to be when he was younger, but he is not now. He can be rude and self-centered. He's not consistently sweet or considerate. We are by no means rich, but we are somewhat financially secure. However, ever since my husband found this other woman, he thinks that he is all that. He struts around like he is Brad Pitt or something. It makes me sick. He is always bragging about himself. He recently agreed to 'take a break' from the other woman to see if we could revive our marriage for the sake of our kids. I may want that in the future. I concede that this is probably the best thing. But I can not get a handle on my anger. I find myself saying all sorts of nasty things to him. I think that my goal is to almost knock him down off his pedestal. I will tell him that he's fat. Or that his table manners are disgusting. And that he is so awkward that he looks like Frankenstein when he tries to hug me. Of course he gets angry at this, which only makes me hurl more insults his way. I know that this is probably not the right thing to do, but I can not seem to help myself. I want to take him down a notch. His ego is sickening and unjustified. He is not all that. He's a middle aged man who is average looking at best. I know that some men who aren't that attractive get women because they are sweet. But my husband is not really all that sweet. So for whatever reason, he lucked out by attracting this woman. I am not sure what she wants from him. But I don't want him thinking that he's totally great because of it."

I understand where you are coming from. It's maddening and difficult to watch this process. He is in the wrong, but he can't necessarily see it because he seems to be riding high and is full of himself.

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What I am about to say may not seem to help at first. But if you can really think about it, I think that it puts things in perspective. Men often have affairs to feel better. They may want to feel younger. They may want to feel relevant again. They may want to feel more attractive or more powerful.

Why? Because deep down, they know that they are on the decline. They know that they are aging and that their looks are changing. This is painful. And hard to deal with. So one way to avoid dealing with it is to have an affair and pump up your ego. Now, as he is doing this, does he really think that he's all that? Not deep down, but he's probably constantly trying to pump himself up and make it appear so.

The point that I am trying to make is this. Your husband may well be acting out of insecurity. Sure, he is probably desperately trying to appear confident. But the whole affair was an attempt to address his own doubts. So, your insulting him is not telling him anything that he does not already know.

But it can make your reconciliation much more difficult. And it is modeling troubling behavior for your children, who ideally should be spared from as much of the fall out of the affair as you can possibly manage.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Of course you are mad at him. How could you not be? But trying to make him feel insecure and badly about himself is just feeding into the process of him having an affair in the first place. It just reinforces the behavior that you do not want. Releasing these feelings with a counselor (instead of with him) can help to keep you on track and can bring your attention to places where you're going off track and not accomplishing anything. Plus, it gives you a place to redirect all of that anger.

Because having your husband be a target of that anger is understandable, but it really only makes things worse - not better. And the real goal is to make things better - regardless of what happens in your marriage. Sharing the negativity that you feel doesn't hurt your husband as much as you might think. It only spreads the misery around. And it potentially allows him to justify his behavior: "my wife is so mean and insulting. No wonder I cheated on her."

I found out the hard way that you actually make more progress (and heal faster) if you direct your anger at the act (the affair) rather than personally attacking the person (your husband.) Because the person will get defensive and may try to hurt you back. That doesn't accomplish anything. Deep down, you want him to be sorry and to not cheat again. But insulting him only makes his sorrow less likely and his cheating again more likely.

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It's normal for married couples for feeling low sometimes. With all the stress that work, household chores and parenting responsibilities bring, a husband and wife can feel less inspired in their relationship. What is not good is when this situation stretches for a long time leaving the couple distanced from each other emotionally and physically as well.

But there's always hope. If a couple wants to make their marriage work and make it last for a lifetime, they can find so many ways to spice up their relationship. What's essential is that each of them makes an effort to give inspiration and show more love to each other not necessarily in big ways but even in small ways. Consistency is vital to ensure that the marriage is nurtured moving forward.

One of the must-do for any married couple whether they're newlyweds or have been married for several years now is to set a date night. A date night means a husband and wife going out together with no kids in tow, just the two of them dining in their favorite restaurant, watching a good old movie at the cinema or just strolling at the park and sharing thoughts and dreams for their kids and family. It doesn't have to be done at night only because you can do it daytime such as on a weekend when you're both off from work.

For the techie couples, relationship experts suggest creating a separate email account just for exchanging loving and flirtatious messages. This account needs to be used for that purpose only and therefore not the one you use for communicating with friends and colleagues.

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Maintaining and improving your sexual relationship should not be taken for granted. Being busy should not be used as reason to avoid having sex with your partner. In fact, you can actually schedule this say at least once a week just to help you connect physically with each other. Psychologists point out that couples who are able to squeeze this on a weekly basis are more likely to improve their marital relationship and the quality of their life.

If you and your spouse tend to fight on a common issue and this has become a regular occurrence, try to avoid this at all cost and schedule it at a later time. Self control and discipline are essential and if you succeed in this aspect, you will find out later on that it's not really worth fighting particularly when you are able to focus on what you're doing or when you start on a new endeavor.

Sharing household chores is also recommended by marriage therapists. Research has actually shown that couples who find time to do house work together have a better sexual relationship. This is because women are more aroused when they are able to relax and don't experience anxiety. Husbands should take this hint if they want to enjoy better sex with their wives moving onwards.

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If you want to save your marriage, there are a few ideas you should keep in mind.

1. You once loved this person. You can regenerate those loving feelings again. If you or your spouse says they just are not in love anymore, what that means is that the two of you have grown apart and have lost some of those loving, exciting feelings that you had early in your relationship. This is common, but actually something that can be fixed. You can learn to feel love again by practicing some relationship exercises.

2. You may need professional help. With about 60% of marriages ending in divorce, it is important to take this seriously and seek some professional help in the form of marriage counseling or relationship coaching. A qualified marriage counselor or relationship coach can help you to reconnect and feel love again.

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3. Find someone experienced and with a record of success to help you. This is not the time to economize and look only to those therapists covered by your insurance. Believe me, divorce will cost you a lot more that an investment in quality marriage counseling or relationship coaching.

4. Learn to communicate. Along with reconnecting, most couples seeking help need to learn to communicate with each other more effectively. Again, this takes a little effort, but with the help of a relationship coach or marriage counselor or within a marriage education class, you can learn these skills.

5. You can save your marriage, but it is going to take some work and some time and probably some investment financially. It is well worth it to heal your relationship and make it once again, a healthy, loving and connected marriage.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Divorce is a reality worldwide. Various reasons lead to this but often, irreconcilable differences are the common complain.

Divorce does not only affect couples who are married for the first time. Reports point out that even second and third marriages are not exempted. The latest buzz is that the divorce rate for these second and third marriages has been on the rise. Based on past statistics in the U.S., the rate for first marriages was 50 percent, 67 percent for second marriages and 73 percent for third marriages.

Relationship experts explained that what often happens is that people get into a new relationship as a rebound or an effort to make it right the second or third time. Unfortunately, many failed to set their priorities straight and learn from their past mistakes before entering a new marriage. Some decided to tie the knot once more but on the wrong reasons. The end result is another divorce.

But among those who have experienced a second or third divorce, they usually feel a bit lighter compared to the first breakup of their marriage. In short, they feel they were able to manage the divorce better and are ready for their next relationship. For those who were able to successfully handle their second or third marriage, they may even be more observant now in determining the warning signs compared to their first relationship. As such, some may be quick in taking action to save the relationship than letting everything go to waste and end in divorce.

Latest reports outlined several factors that lead to failed marriages among those in their second and third relationships. One factor cited was the independence of men and women these days. Many spouses today are working and are therefore financially independent. As this is the case, most tend to protect themselves financially and emotionally when they enter into a new marriage.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

The absence of children was also pointed out as another factor. A child is often the one that leads a husband and wife to stick together. Children are known as the stabilizing factor, according to the experts and when a couple has no child, the relationship can easily break down. Many second and third marriages do not produce children because normally, each spouse or one of the spouses already have a child or children in their first marriage. So when there's no child to bind a couple, it would be easy to just leave or quit the relationship.

In line with this, the family aspect is seen as not so strong in a second or third marriage. With the absence of children, a couple may not put much importance on their desire to keep their family intact. Relationship experts say this can lead some spouses to be less committed to their new marriage compared to those who are in their first marital relationship.

Finally, while kids can be the stabilizing factor in a marriage, they can also become the cause of conflict among couples. This is particularly true when one of the spouse or both spouses have a child in a previous marriage before they tied the knot.

But hopefully, those entering a new marriage will find ways to avoid the mistakes of other couples and keep their relationship as well as their family intact for the long term.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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