Husband Doesn't Help With Housework: How To Get Husband To Help With Chores

I often hear from folks who are tired of feeling as if they are carrying their marriage entirely on their own shoulders without any help at all from their spouse. Often, this gets so old that you can begin to wonder for how much longer you are going to be able to take it.

I heard from a wife who said: "I feel like I am the only who pulls her own weight in my marriage. When my husband and I first met, he was romantic and he made an effort. He used to bring my flowers and he would put a lot of thought into where he would take me for our dates. If I did something nice for him, he would always notice and then he would reciprocate. If I made dinner, he would wash the dishes. He would always pick up after himself and he was just an easy person to love and to live with. Well, after about eight years he's stopped all that. He basically just sits back and waits for me to do all of the work. Last week, he forgot our anniversary and I didn't even get so much as a card. He leaves his dirty clothes all over the house. He never helps me with anything to do with the house or with our marriage. There is no longer any romance in him. If I want to go on a date, then I have to plan it and do everything. He no longer lifts a finger in our marriage. There is absolutely no effort on his part. I feel like I'm the only one in my marriage. And it's a lonely place to be. If things don't change, I don't think I'm going to be hanging around. What can I do?" I'll try to address these concerns below.

Before I start offering insights and tips, I want you to know that I do understand and validate your concerns. I know you might have had people tell you that the spark leaves after several years of marriage and that if you demand at least some romance or spark, you are asking too much. I very much disagree with this. When my own marriage got stale and the resentment started to build, I listened to everyone who told me that I was overreacting and I backed off and hoped for the best. I ended up separated and broken hearted, until I was able to turn things around. So I firmly believe that taking no action and hoping for the best is about the worst imaginable plan. I believe that it is best to take immediate action, while not overreacting enough to make your spouse defensive. I will discuss this more below.

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Ask Yourself If The Little Things That Bother You Are Symptomatic Of A Larger Problem: Your mom or some other wise person may have already told you that fighting about leaving the toilet seat up has nothing to do with the toilet seat. Well, she's absolutely right. Often, after disappointments and resentments have built for a while, you will notice people finding small and subtle ways to show their displeasure. They may not even realize that they are doing it. But you will often see them putting in less of an effort in every area of your marriage.

And often you will find yourself arguing about basic things like sharing chores or not making a romantic effort when those things aren't the core of the issue at all. It is often about a loss of intimacy that manifests itself in those small housekeeping issues of your married life.

I am bringing this up because I want you to be aware that even if you come to a compromise on effort and household chores, you always also want to look at your bond and at your intimacy. Because if you are having mundane issues that are common to many marriages, it's highly advisable to make sure that this is all there is.

Frankly, if you can restore the intimacy in your marriage and have that "in love" or even "in lust" feeling once again, little things like the dishes don't bother you nearly as much. And, since both of you are fulfilled, you will find that your spouse actually wants to do better because he wants to keep that pay off constant.

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It Always Helps To Make Him A Willing Participant Rather Than Using Negative Feedback: I know that is so tempting to point out that your husband is selfishly allowing you to carry all of the responsibilities all by yourself. The words lazy or selfish might escape your lips. But honestly, this strategy is going to make him defensive and it will make him feel unappreciated and things may even get worse. He may even pull back even more.

So the better bet is to make him want to do better with positive reinforcement. You might start by cheerfully asking him to help you with the dishes. When he does this, praise him liberally. Tell him when he helps out, it makes you remember those early days when we used to do everything as partners. You might say something like: "I miss those early days as partners. I miss the closeness we had. We'll have to do this more often."

At that point, if it is appropriate, you should offer him a physical connection. This just reinforces that positive reinforcement that is going to make him want to do better. You could even make a comment like "see what happens when you help me out?" It won't take very much for him to connect the dots and figure out that helping you out is absolutely to his benefit.

Once you're bonding and clicking again, you could playfully ask him to plan and execute a night out or weekend away. Again, you should be playful. Because this is often the most effective currency with men and it helps you both get more of what you want, which equals a happy and more equitable marriage.

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The signs are all there. You are fighting more than ever, often times about the same things over and over. Maybe there has been infidelity, addiction, financial pressure or simply a loss of affection between the two of you. Maybe you've tried counseling but without any real success. And now you are staring at a divorce that maybe you don't want. You believe you can still save the marriage. But how? I'd like to offer you some advice on how to stop a divorce and some steps to save your marriage even when it may seem hopeless.

There are a variety of reasons why people get divorced but first let's break it down into its simplest terms. When you first met your spouse, the two of you created an environment together that you both enjoyed being in. When that environment changes for either spouse, that is when problems in the marriage happen.

Stopping a divorce is about discovering what changed in the marital environment. The secret is in examining and treating the marriage as opposed to the couple as individuals. This is the reason why traditional marriage counseling only has about a 20% success rate in saving marriages. These so-called "experts" despite being highly educated, are usually trained in individual counseling and really don't have much experience at saving marriages. With the 20% success rate of marriage counseling, it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high!

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The following steps can be the beginning of saving our marriage even when it may seem hopeless:

- It is critical that you get rid of negative emotions that can cripple your chance to save your marriage. Negative emotions would be characterized by crying, begging and pleading, jealousy, constant phone calls, arguing and yelling, revenge etc. Even promises to change or apologies should be avoided right now

- It is equally critical right now that you put yourself in a more resourceful state of mind where you will be calm and rational and confident for the challenge ahead

- Be prepared to love your spouse enough to let him or her go. The more you push your spouse at this point, the more they will pull away. By allowing a natural and healthy space between the two of you, the more attractive you become to your spouse and the less pressure they will feel. This is a very powerful strategy that works!

- Commit yourself 100% to saving your marriage, no matter what your spouse's attitude is right now. After all, if you don't then who will? You will take the lead in saving your marriage, by taking calm, rational, confident and powerful action!

- With every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction! There are very specific actions you can take immediately which will begin to change the dynamics of your relationship and stop your divorce. But you need to act now!

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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Many issues can create trouble in your marriage while several causes can be the downfall of anyone's marriage. A successful one depends upon the strength of commitment that the spouses have toward each other and making their union be the best one possible. This successful union does not magically occur, but is worked upon and issues are triumphed over instead of the marriage being abandoned. Listed below are 5 typical ways that a marriage breaks down.

A. If you and your spouse have a pregnancy that was not planned, but you marry because it is expected of you, that could doom your union. Teenagers who marry without really exploring relationships with other people are also doomed. There are rare instances of marriages like these being successful, but the couple was willing to put in the work to make it a happy one.

B. Not speaking to each other about issues and feelings is another way to doom your marriage. If you believe that you are sparing the other person's feeling by not telling them why you are upset, you are wrong, it will only get worse.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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C. If you are committed or dedicated to making your marriage work, you will also dedicate yourself to making certain that your spouse is well taken care of by yourself and your children. This dedication will exclude most selfish thoughts from both spouses' thoughts and they will consider the needs of the other before doing anything.

D. Trust is a key factor in any marriage. This is due to the fact that if your significant other cannot believe in what you say, your relationship will end.

E. Have you acknowledged all the imperfections of your husband and looked past them to the valuable and special person that he is? While no one is perfect, understanding what makes each other tick and how your strengths can enhance his weakness can help make your marriage that much stronger.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

We always seem to start off our marriages with high hopes and dreams, with romance and passion and a belief that nothing will ever drag us apart. This may be true for some till death do they part but for half of marriages today this is not the case and the worst starts to happen, you drift apart and you start desperately trying to find ways to save marriage from divorce.

The reasons for marital problems are many and varied from arguments about money, the changes in their lives from children, general work/life stress and often from problems in the bedroom as well. The list could go on forever though with mild differences from couple to couple but in the end all roads lead to separation and divorce if nothing is done to mend the growing rift which is one of the hardest parts of life if you ever have to experience it.

Research has shown however that not all hope is lost. Most couples who end up heading towards divorce have claimed that they still love their partner but either feels they cannot bring themselves to say so or they cannot live with them even though they do love them. Many have also stated that one of the primal reasons for a divorce apart from all the obvious things is that their love is not growing for their partner anymore so they feel something is wrong which leads to those terrible arguments. However the point is that in most cases love still remains and with this there is always a hope to save marriage from divorce.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

With this in mind there are ways to save marriage from divorce by breaking down the barriers that have stifled this growth in love which at its core is all about communicating. This is not a new concept and many people already know this only to find when they try to communicate it does not work because they are not communicating with love but with logic, with words, with an attitude with an agenda.

When you stop talking and start communicating with love and understanding you can save marriage from divorce and unlock the potential fro growth of love that has been weighing down your marriage.

One immediate step you can take to ensure you are on the right path is to take control of your ego when you communicate and do not let your ego control you. When you want to respond and defend yourself with an accusation stop and let it slide as infuriating as that may be because if you defend yourself you simply inflame the situation further. Stop thinking in points scored and start thinking about compassion as sappy as it may seem and you can defuse a heated argument to a level where you are really communicating what you feel without ego or anger which goes a long way to save a marriage and stop divorce.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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