Husband Is Cold and Unaffectionate: How to Make Him Fall in Love Again After He's Become Distant and Cold

Many of the women who visit my blog or comment on my articles can literally feel their husband or their boyfriend slipping away from them. The distance is a feeling that has become so real that you can almost touch it. I often hear things like "our relationship today is just so different. He's cold, indifferent, and distant. He acts as though he doesn't care what I do anymore." Or, "we're just coexisting. We're only parents who live together. There is no love, no passion, and no excitement and this is not my doing. I am starting to suspect that he just doesn't love me anymore."

And, I usually don't question the validity of these wives' perceptions. Intuition, especially when it comes to a relationship as important as marriage, is often somewhat right. If you feel a shift, it's very smart to pay attention and to act on it. The longer the distance goes unaddressed, the harder it becomes to gain any real ground. And all marriages could benefit from more attention and efforts. So, the following article is for those wives and girlfriends who suspect that their husbands are no longer "in love" with them, even though he may well love them as a person or as the mother of his children. We all know these two things are different and that most of us want and deserve both.

Why Has He Fallen Out Of Love (Or At Least Thinks He Has?): Men are typically not intuitive enough to look at the situation and say "here are the reasons that I've fallen out of love and here are the things that you need to address to change this." It would be awesome and helpful if this were to happen, but don't wait for that day because it is not likely to come.

Men are generally reactive. What I mean by this is that they will typically react in response to their feelings and disappointments rather than examining them first or attempting to talk them out. They likely don't even know in their own heart why they feel this way and that makes it very difficult for them to share this insight with you.

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But know this. When I am able to get men who have become distant or who have checked out of their marriage to talk openly and honestly, they usually all say the same thing. They say that they feel as though their wife sees them as another chore, doesn't take the time for them, and no longer gives him the same respect and attention that she used to. Often when I tell women this, they will respond with something like "well, that works both ways. He used to look at me with hungry eyes and today, he looks at me like I'm the person who cooks his meals, raises his children, and does his laundry. We are both guilty of this."

And the wives are right. Usually both parties in the marriage have become stagnant, take the other for granted, and sort of eventually go through the motions because we all have so much on our plates that we can't possibly do it all. Our intentions are good. We don't mean this in a personal way. But our obligations are increasing at an alarming rate today and we're all just doing the best we can.

But at the end of the day, it really helps to understand that the husband and wife generally want exactly the same things. We all want to be noticed. We all want to be desired. We all want to know that we are appreciated. And we want to feel cherished and loved. In order for us to feel these things, the other person is going to have to show rather than tell us.

Sure, we're all creatures of habit. And we kind of allow this to become our new reality. We don't see it happening as it occurs but one day we look around and realize that the connection is waning. We feel taken for granted and alone. But, especially with men, rather than saying "honey, we have a problem that we really need to discuss. I miss you and need more of your time," they will typically retreat. They will pull away. They begin to mirror what they perceive to be your actions. And they withdraw their attention and their own affection as a kind of punishment or a "take that."

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What happens then? You both assume that you're no longer "in love" or that the other person is rejecting you or taking you for granted. And this becomes a cycle where resentment builds and the connection lessens more and more all of the time. What's so unfortunate about this situation is that usually it's not the love that has left. It's the effort that has left. It's the communication that has left. If someone would speak up and ask for what they needed, things usually really could turn around.

Getting The Love To Return: Hopefully, I've shown you that if you can restore the efforts, the priorities, and the communications, the feelings will usually follow along and can be restored. Many people don't believe me when I tell them this, but usually if they will just give this an honest try, they will later admit that they are pleasantly surprised.

You have to realize that you actually are in a better position than you might perceive. You have already won in this process once. In the past, you made your husband fall in love with you so successfully that he married you. In fact, you have very intimate knowledge about what makes this man happy and what succeeds in making him feel the things that are necessary to feel in love. Men adore women who make them feel good about themselves. They want to feel smart, capable, valuable, unique and understood in exactly the same way that we do. They want to feel like you "get" them in the way that no one else does.

Making these things happen takes time. It takes attention. It takes small efforts that build over time. And it takes your showing and not telling him that he and your marriage is one of your top proprieties. People are attracted to other people who can elicit positive feelings in them about their situations and themselves. You know what it takes to do this. You may have forgotten this for a while since you've been juggling countless balls in the air, but now is the time to revisit that woman he couldn't live without. You know this woman very well. You see her in the mirror every morning.

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Yes, it really can be frustrating if you are the only one who wants to stop the divorce and you are the only one trying your level best to do so. However, if you really do love your spouse and if you desperately want your marriage to work out, there will be a lot of time and effort that you need to spend in order to stop the divorce from taking place. Nevertheless, this is not going to be a difficult process if you just know what steps to take and what things to pay attention to.

For instance, you need to firstly find out what it is that is bothering your partner and why this is affecting the relationship. This is one of the first steps that need to be taken in order to stop the divorce. So if you don't really know what is causing your partner to be upset with you in the first place how are you ever going to win the love back.

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Another important step to take in order to save your marriage from a divorce is to completely stop the blame game from going any further. You must make sure that you stop blaming each other for everything; criticizing your partner on a daily basis is only going to make matters worse for you.

You must take some time off from all this criticism and reflect on your mistakes as well and then try and look at all the problems from your spouse's perception.

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Married couples encounter problems every now and then and when these issues remain unresolved, it could threaten the marriage. Marital issues should not be taken for granted and couples need to find ways to settle them as soon as possible. The more you ignore them, the greater is the possibility of you and your spouse not being in good terms for quite some time.

Being pre-occupied with the daily grind can make it hard for both of you to sit down and talk things out. Sometimes if you indeed find the time to have a discussion, it can be that the two of you are stressed out from your daily responsibilities.

If you and your partner are in this situation, it would be a good idea to go on a short vacation without the kids if possible. This would be your chance to spend a relaxing time together and work out problems in your marriage. When couples commit to making their marriage last, they have to find a way to get to the bottom of the issues and make a compromise to strengthen their bond.

When planning for your vacation, decide on a date when both of you are free. It can even be a special date such as the birthday of your partner or your wedding anniversary.

As for the place, choose a package that fits your budget. It can be a most memorable place for the two of you such as a honeymoon spot if your funds allow or one that you both like to visit and explore. If you're tight on budget, however, you can just drive to a nearby place or book in a hotel in your area. Your purpose is to be alone together to iron things out.

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Another option is to be with a couple you're close to when you go on a holiday. You can then join a couple's retreat that offers group activities and therapy. This will help open your eyes to what other couples are going through in their marriage.

Before leaving, make sure to agree to discuss marital problems only and what you can do to solve them while you're vacationing. Remember, no talk about the kids, work and previous disagreements. If you can, think ahead of possible solutions so that it would be easy for you to settle the issues while you're away.

During your special holiday, do find the time to enjoy the sights around after you're done with the discussions. This will help you both relax and spend memorable and intimate moments you may have missed for some time owing to your hectic daily schedule. Tour the place and visit spots you've checked out in the past if you're in an old location. This is your official bonding time so make the most of it.

Finally, commit to strengthening and rebuilding your marriage. Look to the past but don't forget to enjoy the present and look forward to your future together. Communication is vital while you're spending your precious moments but never ignore its importance as well in your daily lives.

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Married people are healthier. Happily married couples live longer. We cost the health care system less than single people, use fewer health care resources, enjoy life more, experience fewer health disruptions, call in sick at work less often, have better sex (and more of it) and generally act as an example the current health care debate ignores, but shouldn't.

Marriage itself is a healthful act: It shows society that we're serious about our commitments; it forces men (and women to some extent), to settle down, and stop deliberately unwholesome behaviors; marriage sets a good example to younger people; it strengthens communities in a myriad of ways, and overall, beneficial ones. Marriage is healthy. Promoting strong, solid marriage ought to be a part of the debate raging at present about health care, and the peripheral issues surrounding it. Not only because, as mentioned, marriage can be, and often is, a healthier status in life than remaining single.

But in cases where marriage is the healthier option, there's something missing from the debate: There's no mention of personal responsibility for health. In many of the so-called town-hall debates seen in various media outlets, featured speakers in audiences of every stripe were typical Americans. Sadly, many of those people appeared to be overweight, out of shape, and clearly uninterested in their own health care. Indeed, if the typical American attending those debates were followed, many if not most would have recently arrived there after a multi-calorie, carbohydrate-laden meal that was essentially unhealthy for them. Many would be smokers. Many would demand that, whatever health care program evolved from the current endeavor to alter a broken system would be available to fix whatever physical depredations happened to them due to their own mismanagement of their health.

Here are ways that married couples can, and should, act together, in responsible fashion, to maintain, or to regain their own trend toward a healthful, less resource-taxing lifestyle.

1. The old broken record just keeps spinning--exercise, exercise, exercise it says again and again. As I write this, I find myself guilty of ignoring this simple advice; I hunch over my keyboard for the hour or so it takes to pound out an article, oblivious to the need for moving around every half hour or so. My spouse keeps me honest here: She mentions a walk, or joining her for twenty or thirty sit ups, or just standing and going up and down stairs. The point is, we need to prod and remind each other, and married people can do this easily, to establish and maintain some kind of exercise routine. One hour per week, ten or fifteen minutes every day would make all the difference. Let's get off our duffs, and move around. We'll all be fully sedentary soon enough. Sooner if we don't take better care of ourselves.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

2. The obvious next factor is diet. It's much too easy to prepare the same old salt and fat heavy, carb-laden, corn syrupy, red meat and potatoes meals day after day. If we're not in the habit of grocery shopping together, perhaps we should start doing so. And shop for food with our health in mind, instead of what our mouths (and habits) crave. Read food labels together, and get familiar with ingredients. It's truly difficult to weed out the carb-rich foods, simply because high carbohydrates seem to be an integral part of the American diet. And the sad fact is, that adults should ingest only about 25 or 30 grams of carbohydrates per day to stay at current weight. Only 20 to 25 grams to lose weight. Fiber intake helps reduce the fat-gain associated with carbs to some extent, but reducing carbs is key. And we eat too many of them, especially highly-processed sugars. Our cherished meals contain far too much carbohydrate--rice at around 35 grams per serving, pasta the same, cereals commonly contain 25 to 35 grams of carbs, enough for a day and half, and we're just through breakfast! Couples need to monitor these ingredients together, learn what's best for us, together, and prepare more healthful meals--together. That may be the only thing that works for weight loss and maintenance.

3. It's unusual for one spouse to smoke if the other doesn't, at least for extended periods. If your spouse smokes cigarettes, you do too, inadvertently. Here's where the marriage vows demand action. You said at the altar, "in sickness and in health". If you're the smoker, you have an obligation to your spouse and children to quit this unhealthy, wasteful habit. It's possible to quit smoking. There are numerous workable programs and devices available. They likely work. As a former pack-a-day cigarette smoker myself, I can attest to the fact that quitting is possible; it is very difficult; it is a day by day affair for several months. But the other fact is this: Regardless of what program, device or regimen you've chosen to quit smoking, the only thing that works is your own determination to not smoke, ever again. Do it for your spouse; do it for your kids; do it, finally, for yourself. Easy? Nope. Necessary? Yep. Do yourself proud; stop smoking.

Married people, in the last analysis, have a responsibility to all of society. We stood before our peers on our wedding day, and made vows. We promised to love and cherish one another; to stay together for richer and for poorer, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. The last vow is the only one with implications for the wider community. Our personal health truly does impact our neighbors' quality of life, and even their longevity. If nothing else the current debate about health care has focused our attention on one word: Resources. Their presence; their absence; their limit. Married couples have a unique opportunity to see that those resources are used wisely.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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