I Can't Live Without My Husband: Should I Tell My Husband That I Can't Live Without Him

Believe it or not, I get this question quite a bit. It usually comes from wives who feel that a divorce or separation is imminent and they do not know how they are going to survive without living together and / or being married. These wives are looking for something to stop the bleeding so to speak. They feel that the situation is quite desperate and they are looking for words that are going to adequately convey this to their husbands.

But they also know that this strategy might backfire and that the words may turn out to be disastrous (or at least as sounding pitiful.) Some women will consider saying these words in a letter. But the risk in that strategy is that you can't see his facial expression or his reaction when he reads these words.

I must admit that I said this phrase myself. I almost must disclose that it was pretty much a disaster. So I suppose that this may affect my opinion on it. But I've also had so many readers tell me that they wish they had never "gone there." Looking back, it seems desperate, unattractive, and beneath the self respecting person that you are. Still, it's natural to want to express the way that you feel in a way that is going to get his attention. I feel that there may be a better way to do this, which I will discuss in the following article.

Why Fearing That You Can't Live Without Him Is Something That Might Be Better Kept To Yourself: I completely understand the fear, anxiety, and self doubt that you are experiencing right now. I know what it's like to think that you might only get one chance at this. And, if you do it wrong, it will be over. So often your inclination is to want to do or say something very dramatic to get his attention or to make him take pause enough to think about this more deeply or to consider changing his mind.

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However, I can tell you that almost overwhelmingly that the men who speak of this experience will tell you that it comes off decidedly negatively. They might feel pity. They might feel guilt. They might feel sorry. But they don't feel desire or affection, at least in that moment. The reason for this is that your desperation will often bring about a knee jerk negative reaction in them. And people want to flee and escape the things that make them feel badly. It's an unconscious form of self preservation that exists within all of us.

Does this mean they won't resist this inclination and respond positively and react in the way that you want them to and call the whole thing off? No, I suppose not. But this is most definitely the exception and not the rule. And acting in this way sets a precedent and digs a hole that will be more difficult to dig your way out of. If he reacts badly, he's likely going to limit your access to him even more, and tht is precisely what you don't want.

Playing It Correctly To Increase The Chances That You Don't Actually Have To Live Without Him For Long: The "I can't live without you strategy" is actually a very short term strategy. If it's the wrong call, the consequences may be very difficult to overcome. There are other ways to play it that I believe are not so risky, although they may require convincing acting when you feel so vulnerable. It can be done though. I know this for a fact. I have seen it happen more times than I can count.

The strategy that you want to go with is the one that is going to paint you in the most positive light in his eyes. When he is evaluating whether this relationship is going to work for him or not, he's going to weigh the negatives with the positives. He's going to consider whether his pay off is more than his emotional costs. Someone who is appearing desperate, needy, and insecure is going to be perceived as negative most of the time. This does not help your cause.

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What is more likely to help your cause is appearing calm, rational, and as someone who has your husband's best interest at heart. If he thinks that you are actually going to help him get what he wants then he is going to make himself more available to you, which is what you need to happen. Yes, this is going to require for you to change your stance, but I'm pretty confident that the result is going to turn out much better.

There is nothing to stop you from being very honest that this is hurting you and that you regret this happening, but you can temper this by saying that you want for your husband to be happy and you want for your relationship to be a healthy and mutually fulfilling one so you are willing to cooperate to make that happen.

Does this require for you to back off? Sometimes it does, at least temporarily. But it will give you so much in return. Suddenly he's working with you rather than against you. Suddenly he's not avoiding you as much. He doesn't look at you as someone who's trying to convince him that he's wrong or who is trying to keep him from trying to get what he wants. You're someone who is going to play a role in helping him get what he thinks he needs. So, you're no longer a threat.

And if you play your role well, your will eventually come off as someone who is more likely to draw him in with positive perceptions rather than repel him with negative ones. And this can make all of the difference over time. Since you're no longer pulling, he's no longer pushing away. Sometimes you'll find that when it appears that you've given up the struggle, you'll see that he's no longer trying to wrestle away, because the reason to do so is now no longer as compelling.

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There is so much written about "how to save a marriage" it can seem a bit overwhelming at times. The truth is no one can really save your marriage but you. Marriage gurus can throw out the breadcrumbs, but in the end it is all about you and your willingness to do what really needs to be done to save your marriage.

Your marriage belongs to God. And when you truly believe this that is when you can actually give yourself (marriage) to God. If you don't believe that your marriage belongs to God then you are reading the wrong article.

What happens when you hand your marriage over to God? God helps you to look beyond the petty quarreling, faults and weaknesses of each other. Why focus on the negative? When you stop focusing on the negative aspects of your spouse you will be better able to seek a solution, not based on negative feelings, but on the principled acts of love. As long as you base your marriage on "how your spouse makes you feel" nothing will ever improve.

Marriage gurus can attempt to tell you what needs to be done to improve your marriage but they can't go to God for you. They can't make your heart willing to see what needs to be done so you can make the necessary changes in yourself. If you believe that marriage belongs to God then you have to give your marriage to God. Why do you keep giving it to the world? Does your marriage belong to God or to the world? You decide.

Are you carrying around a not so humble heart toward your spouse? What is that going to do for you? Absolutely nothing. I believe that once you can take your eyes off of your spouse's faults you'll be able to see your faults much more clearly. The problem is not that your spouse cheated, or that they are controlling, or wrapped up within an addiction, or that they are cruel and treat you bad. The problem is in how you allow these things to affect you and how you react because of them.

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The root of the problems in marriage stem from the inability to properly resolve issues and the lack of understanding the importance of priorities. The major setback for couples is they are not using the principles for marriage that have been taught to them. Couples aren't resolving issues and when they do they go by their own understanding of what they think should be done. But it is not what should be done based on the Creator of marriage.

Principle 2. Be a giver. Give in. Be encouraging. Show compassion. Be submissive. Be forgiving. Ask Christ for the guidance you need. When we don't allow these principles to take precedent in our lives we are handling our marriage just like everyone else...without God. If you believe you are a child of God then show it in your marriage. Christian love is not a feeling but a choice. Have you made your choice?

Principle 3. Be respectful of Spouse. Be considerate of your spouse's feelings. Show reverence and high opinion for the person you married. Be appreciative of what you have been blessed with. I've noticed lately that people treat their animals better than their spouse. This is very wrong! Let go of anger and bitterness or it will make you sick, literally. What is controlling your heart in your marriage? If your heart only cares about getting your needs met through your spouse then your marriage is in dire trouble.

THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM IS...

Principle 1. God should guide your marriage. Placing God where God belongs, at the top of your priority list is what your marriage needs! Humble your heart and mind to God and you will see more clearly to what your position is in the marriage. You are not God and your spouse is not God, and trying to control each other as if you were God will never work! That's not the way God designed marriage to be.

Putting God first means everything you say and do comes from the principles taught you for living a righteous life. Now you will have something beautiful and awesome to base your marriage on. If your marriage belongs to God then the top of your priority list is putting God first, spouse second, children third, and ministry and self last.

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If you are watching your marriage failing in front of your eyes and you want desperately to stop it, then you must have to looked in various places for advice. Among the first advice that any marriage counselor or perhaps any friend will give you is that communication is the key to saving marriage. However, many people tend to misinterpret the meaning of this communication; they confuse true communication with just talking.

Communications although a key to saving marriage is an art that one has to develop if you do not already have the knack for it. It is the art of being able to get your point of view across to the other person without hurting sentiments of any kind and also being receptive to the other person's feelings and thoughts as well. What could have started out as a very successful relationship can often eventually lead to destruction because of the couple's inability to communicate both verbally their emotions as well as non-verbally. However, this can be worked upon.

For many couples who suffer from complications in communication, one or both the partners might be feeling that the other should know exactly what they are thinking or feeling without them making it blatant. However, this does not always work out and both the partners end up feeling neglected and not appreciated. Communication therefore is very important to ensure that both the partners know exactly what is going on in each other's minds so that they can help each other out.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

I have yet to come across a wife who does not long for a husband helping around the house. She could be the owner of a large enterprise or a stay-at-home mom. Every wife appreciates the offer to be helped and that too with a smile. I heard marveling at how her parents still have the talk about whose turn it is to take out the trash. So we have this figured out, even a no-brainer like putting away the groceries would be a pleasant activity with the eager help of the significant other. The question remains, just how to get that significant other to make the smooth transition from being too significant to cheerfully helpful?

Praise. I am speaking of both the divine and the regular kind. Praise the Lord when your husband offers a helping hand, and be sure to praise the husband. However rugged their exterior may be, husbands are just as prone towards doing something that wins them approval as anyone else. Their need to feel wanted is satiated by getting praised for what they do, just as ours is.

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Here is a secret that husbands do not want you to know: they know what needs to be done around the house, and when it ought to be done as well! The only thing that keeps them from getting up and doing it is the feeling that they will not be acknowledged for it once they do. Sure, they may be verbally tossed around for not changing the light bulb but for them, it is still less painstaking than going through the trouble of doing something and not being recognized for it.

Pay your husband a compliment for the little things he does, even something as minor as turning off the lights before leaving the room and watch his desire to help grow. Each time you give him a thumbs up for a job well done, he will push himself to do more to hear it again.

For those of you who are more likely to complain than praise, make sure you maintain a ratio of at least 6:1, meaning you praise your husband at least 6 times before you complain of something that had to be done.

The best part about giving praise is the inevitability of receiving it as well. You will feel yourself easing into a marriage filled with positive assertions from both ends by committing to this one habit of praise.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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