I Don't Want Our Marriage to End, But I Don't Know How to Save It: How To Make Your Marriage Happy Again

I often receive emails from spouses who know that they are the last man (or woman) standing in their marriage. It's beginning to look like it's the end of the road and they are mourning this. They don't want for this very important relationship to end. They are not ready to give up on this life, to throw away these memories, and to start over somewhere else.

They are often very firm in these beliefs. But, unfortunately, sometimes they are the only one in the marriage who feels this strongly. The other spouse may no longer be receptive to working things out. Typically, the spouse with one foot out of the door feels that they are only spinning their wheels and that everything that could be tried already has been, so why continue to play a game that can't be won?

And see, this is the heart of where the two parties disagree. The spouse who wants to save the marriage will typically believe that this game can in fact be won. But they don't know how to begin playing the game. This article will focus on how to do just that. I won't be focusing on legal strategies or using negativity to get your way. Instead, I'll be focusing on a strategy that uses human nature and focusing on the positive to change the course of things.

The Only Thing You Need To Convince Your Spouse Of Right Now Is That Things Can Slowly Improve: Often, when people know that they are the only one who wants to save their marriage, they will panic. They can not stand the thought of the other spouse pulling the trigger and filing for divorce or leaving. So, the spouse who does not want to end the marriage will place their focus on the very thing that they fear the most.

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They will pull out all of the stops to try to get their spouse to call off the splitting up. What they really want is reassurance and some indicators that their spouse is changing their mind. In short, they push for way too much way too soon. In the race to save your marriage, slow, steady, and gradual is usually the best way to go.

The main problem that you likely have is your spouse's belief that things can not change. Your spouse believes that this is the end of the road and that there's no formula that is going to change that. They often comment on my blog that they feel "there's nothing left." Or, that the spark is just gone as the two of you have grown too far apart. So, they are no longer looking at you as part of them. They are looking at you as an individual who might not be as big a part of their life in the near future.

This is what you gradually must change. You have to take baby steps to show them that things can indeed improve and that the process won't be painful and impossible. In fact, you're the one whose going to be taking the initiative - at least at first. They just have to get with the program eventually.

Any Effective Plan To Save Your Marriage Should Focus On The Positive Not The Negative: People will typically go all out with the negative emotions when their back is up against the wall. In the initial phases of this, they will try to debate, argue, guilt, play mind games, or attempt to "play hard ball." When this does not work, then they will try the sweeter strategy. They will pour on the affection. They attempt to use sex. They will pretend to be someone else. The problem is, their spouse knows the difference between what is real and what is not.

They've already seen and fallen in love with the real you. This is what they want to come back. And pushing and bringing on the negative emotions will usually only backfire. Anytime someone is faced with a situation that makes them feel worse about themselves or their situation, they will want to get away from this. Self preservation is just a part of human nature. At this time, they perceive that they might be better off not being married to you. This is one major obstacle that you need to remove.

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I know for certain that focusing on positive emotions is much more effective. Do this mean that you have to pretend that your heart isn't breaking or that everything is fine when it is anything but? Of course not. It just means that you should conduct yourself with integrity. You want to show him that the person he fell in love with is still there. You want for him to remember her with longing so that he too begins to doubt that the marriage should end.

Gradually Luring Your Spouse Back To You And The Marriage: Many times, people really do understand that focusing on the positive makes sense. But they don't know how to go about this. Well, the first thing that you want to do is to tell them that you're calling off the way things are going. Tell them that although you don't want to end the marriage, you are tired of the fighting and the drama and are not going to engage in it anymore. Tell them that is silly when the whole goal of this is for you both to be happy. Sure, you want to be happy together. But right now, you'll settle for just interacting in a positive way to preserve the relationship - no matter what the relationship ends up being.

Of course, we both know you don't want the relationship to change. But, if you're no longer pulling so hard, he's no longer going to resist you quite as much. He needs to know that you aren't a threat and that interacting with you is not going to turn out badly.

Finally, don't try to solve all of your problems right now all at once. Yes, you will need to get to the heart of why the marriage is in trouble. But now is not the time. Right now, your only concern and focus should be to take baby steps toward restoring some harmony in the way that the two of you interact. You're trying to build a foundation on which you can begin to climb your way back up.

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Spouses differ in many ways. After all, no two people have the same exact personality. Each one is born different from the other and this is one of the reasons why among married couples, there's bound to be some conflicts along the way.

One personality that most spouses do not want especially in their partner is one that controls and manipulates them. But before you say or judge that a person exhibits this kind of behavior, keep in mind that it's not how the individual acts outside of the house that determines his controlling personality. Experts point out that it's sometimes the opposite because in certain instances, the spouse who wants more control in their relationship may not even be aware that he or she is already inflicting some form of abuse on the other half.

When two people marry, they often desire to be respected by their partner. What happens then is that some pretend to be what they are not just so they could gain the respect and affection of their spouse when instead, what spouses should be doing is to accept each other for who they really are. This usually happens if one is treated in an inferior manner by his partner even though, for instance, he or she is an achiever in his own profession.

A spouse who feels he or she has to pretend to keep up with the criteria of the other normally loses his identity along the way, which is not good. Some people may eventually lose their own identity or worse, they could forever become frustrated to the point of becoming rebellious and defiant.

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This pretention is often a result of a spouse's inferior treatment of his or her partner. There are even individuals who impose punishment or threaten the other if the spouse does not act according to his wishes. An example would be a husband threatening his wife that if she does not behave well or get along with his family, he will pursue his extra marital affair. Another would be a wife withholding sexual favor if the husband does not keep his promises.

But more than action, the controlling behavior can also be practiced in arguments. There are some people, for instance, who tend to like arguing with their partner until the other one agrees to them or gives up.

You may be surprised to know that people who tend to control others actually feel they are being controlled. They can blame the other if they don't get what they want leading to feelings of resentment on the other spouse. This behavior is tantamount to abuse and should be corrected the soonest time possible.

For people who have this problem and may not be aware of it, they need objective counseling. The one who believes is being controlled may also need professional intervention to regain his strength and confidence as developing anger is not right. The married couple can decide to attend counseling together to guide them on the right steps towards correcting the problem.

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Let me ask you about your marriage. Are you happy, really happy or is your marriage not living up to your initial expectations? Is your life filled with love and romance or has your life become routine and boring? If your marriage is not going in the direction that you want it to, then you need to make changes to your life including rekindling marriage before your situation worsens.

It is very easy to get yourself into a rut and the sad thing about that is that there will be very few people around to help lift you out of this rut. You are the best person to make changes in your life and there is no better time than now to make these changes.

One of the first things that you and your partner need to do is to take some time out and do some serious soul searching to find out what is wrong in your marriage and why you are so unhappy. This type of communication can be invaluable in helping to repair a relationship, so don't take it lightly, instead embrace the opportunity and be open and honest with each other. Rekindling marriage is what this is all about and I am sure that you will be able to identify the issues contributing to your present position. The great thing about this is that when the issues are identified, you are then well placed to put a plan together that will eradicate your issues. If you can do this effectively, you are well on the road to rekindling marriage when initially, you may have thought that your marriage may have been coming to an end.

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Look, life is short. You know that as well as I do. You owe it to yourself and your partner to make the most of your time together and to find happiness. You can learn to fall in love all over again if you address the issues in your marriage that are holding you back from doing this. Rekindling marriage will turn your life around and I would encourage you to do everything that you can to get your marriage back on track. If you can, it will be the best investment of your life.

You will be amazed to learn that when some couples hit tough times in their marriage, they make basic mistakes which makes it even harder for them to fix their marriage.

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There are many reasons why a marriage may break up, but none of them is more egregious or hurtful than when one spouse is cheating on the other. If you are reading this article, you may be suspicious of new behavior that your spouse is exhibiting and you may believe that an affair is the reason why.

However, no matter how nonchalant your spouse may try to be, there are telltale signs that you can look for before you start to make accusations.

Signs that Point to an Affair

Some of the first signs when a spouse is cheating is the amount of time that they are away from the house. If you notice that there has been distance growing between you and your spouse and suddenly, they are spending much more time at work or the office, you might have a cause for concern. In addition, if they are making spontaneous plans at the last moment, that do not include you, there may be a valid reason behind your suspicions.

Next, if you suddenly notice them making changes in their appearance or start doing things that are not normal to enhance themselves physically, an affair may be the reason why. Be on the look out for trips to tanning salons, expensive gym memberships or large clothing purchases, especially in the area of sexy lingerie or underwear. If this is not normal behavior for your spouse, they could have someone that they are trying to look good for.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Be Aware of Changes in Behavior

There are also many signs that will start to show up if your spouse is having an affair that will be subtle. For instance, if you know that the soap that you use in your house is one brand and he or she is showing up at the end of the day smelling of an unfamiliar soap, be aware that they may have showered off the smells of the person that they are seeing. Also, if you smell unfamiliar cologne or perfume, you have a reason to be suspicious.

Next, check your bank accounts and see if there have been changes in spending. Look for clues that they have either been spending money or extra time at locations or at stores that they are not known to frequent. In addition, consider the schedule that they are telling you, where they say they have been and who they have been with and see how it checks out to the money spent on those particular occasions. If their actions are not adding up fiscally, there could be a problem.

A cheating spouse is a painful experience to have to deal with, pay attention to what is happening around you and decide for yourself if you want to save your marriage or if it is time to call it quits.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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