My Husband Doesn't Turn Me On Anymore: Not Turned On By Husband - What To Do If You've Fallen Out Of Love In A Marriage

More and more, I hear from folks who tell me that either they, or their spouse, has "fallen out of love" with the other. They announce this as though it's sort of a final death or as if they have turned a corner from which they can't find their way back. Many people see this as sort of a deal breaker - as this feeling is one of the main reasons that they got married. So, they figure if this feeling is gone, perhaps they should not stay married.

But, when the merging of lives and homes are involved (as well as children sometimes,) these lines can blur or aren't so clear. It's very difficult to walk away from something that you have worked so long and so hard to build. So, you begin to wonder if you can fix this falling out of love business and if someone get the feelings back or "fall in love again."

It is my opinion, and my experience, that you most definitely can. However, this is probably going to require for you to rearrange your life and your priorities, at least in the short term. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Why The Feelings Of Love May Have Left: I often have people tell me that either they or their spouse have changed. I do understand what they mean by this, but I maintain that it's often the circumstances and the perceptions that have changed. It's pretty rare for people to do a complete transformation and to suddenly abandon who they have always been.

Sure, people abandon their dreams and become stagnant and comfortable. But, that's true of all of us. However, this can change our perceptions about the person lying next to us. But, how many of us can say that we're exactly the same, that we are still the completely happy go lucky, vibrant, and accepting person that we once were?

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Couple this with the stresses of adult life that we likely could not have fathomed when we met our spouse, and this is a recipe for discontent. All of the running around and disconnect that we experience on a daily basis seep the happiness and joy out of the very things that we once clung tightly to. It's so easy (and seemingly encouraged) to take the same fast paced, just get it done mentality to our marriage that we have for the rest of our tasks.

This doesn't mean that we don't care or that we're an indifferent spouse. It just means that we are following right along with the norm. But with that, comes a heavy price. This steals closeness and intimacy with our children, our friends, those that really matter, and yes, even our spouses. How often do we email or IM or text today instead of sitting down and really looking at and laughing with one another? The answer for many of us is not nearly enough.

Some Things That You Can Do If You've "Fallen Out Of Love" With Your Spouse: Often when I dialog with people on this topic, it quickly becomes pretty clear that their spouse and their marriage is somewhere on the bottom of their priority list. That may not be intentional and it may have been a gradual decline. Or, it could be the direct result of the lessening feelings.

No matter what the cause, this is going to have to change if you want to fall in love again or to reignite the feelings that are probably not gone but are just buried. You can't expect miracles overnight, but if you begin to put in even a gradual and small amount of attention and priority to your spouse, you'll often see some changes in your perceptions.

Now, a lot of people will tell me that this does not sound appealing to them. They are, at least right now, looking at their spouse with not a lot of excitement if not outright disdain. In short, it's gotten to the point where they are not all that excited about spending more time with this person. I often respond by stealing a phrase from Dr. Phil and telling them to "fake it until you make it."

I'm sometimes met with resistance with this. I hear phrases like "so, you want for me to pretend to feel things that I don't?" No, that's not at all what I am suggesting. Instead, I'm suggesting that you try to nudge yourself toward being more receptive to just spending more one on one time together where you aren't just sitting there or not really listening to them or where you're just existing over the sounds of the TV.

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Because when you were "in love," your probably weren't sitting in your pajamas watching reruns. You were out, having fun and experiencing exciting things together. These good times certainly must have contributed to the good feelings that came with this. Often, people will tell me things like "but, we're having financial problems and we can't afford to go out on the town or pretend that every thing is just fine and happy." OK, I do understand that. But most people weren't wealthy or rich when they were dating either, but they made it work.

When you are young and dating and don't have two pennies to rub together, you can think that a walk around a lake is the most romantic thing in the world. Just use your own creativity and bring a receptive attitude. You won't wake up indifferent to them one morning and be in love with them by night fall, but gradually, you will often realize that the person you thought was gone is still there. You just were not able to perceive this underneath all of the stress, commitments, and focus on things that weren't quite so important after all.

What If One Of Us Really Has Changed (Physically Or Emotionally?): Sometimes I have spouses tell me that they are no longer physically attracted to their spouse. I often hear things like "she's let herself go and weighs much more than when I met her." You can't just ignore these things. But, many people will handle these things by clamming up or trying to ignore it. This doesn't work. And, bringing it up is a slippery slope too. If you hurt their feelings or offend them, there's a good chance that you will get the opposite reaction that you were hoping for.

The best way to go here is to begin to change yourself and then ask them to join you. If your spouse is overweight, ask them to go for a walk with you after dinner and then gradually move to the gym. You are doing two things here. You're placing your attention on them which is going to help things and you're getting the results that you want without putting them on the defensive. You're placing the focus on togetherness rather than isolating yourself further.

Likewise, if you see emotional changes, then you want to act like you want for them to act. If they are critical, then you become complimentary. If they are distant, then you become open. I know that you probably doubt this, but I know for a fact that it works for many. And the reason is that you are demonstrating what you want in a positive way. So, you are bringing the two of you closer rather than further apart.

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Ever find yourself asking the question; how to save my marriage? If so then I have two bits of news for you. The good news is the fact your actually attempting to save your marriage because in recent times particularly in the western world; marriage failure rates are hitting an all time high due to lack of people like YOU. There are not enough people in this world who actually try save their marriage.

Now moving on to the bad news. When you ask "how to save my marriage?" you're simply asking it to the wrong person: Who? Yourself. The thought of ending or actually ending a marriage is a crushing experience, especially when you're all by yourself and trying to save the marriage alone. People in your situation usually fall into the trap of misguided actions caused by negative emotions, things like begging and apologizing countless times will only a fuel to the fire and make things worse.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

So the reason you're the WRONG person to ask is because in a mode of desperation your mind is affected with negative energy which in turn will give you negative outcomes.

If you really want to succeed and fix your marriage, right now, this very moment start to seek outside help from other than yourself. It is the key essential thing that I did which helped me saved my own marriage, and yes I have been through exactly what you have! Make sure you take a step closer to answering your question of how to save my marriage.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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Marriages begin filled with expressions of love, joy and happiness. Each partner giving completely of themselves in an effort to bring those elements as offerings to their fresh new love interest. With such promise for a wonderful future and a healthy relationship how do things go so terribly wrong. A marriage can be saved from stagnation and difficulties if you choose to be happy with your spouse.

At first glance that may sound trite. Consider this though, how often are the people we hurt the most are those closest to us? It's a pattern that usually begins as children when decisions are made or actions are taken that hurt parents. Children may be making a decision to be happy temporarily at the cost of their parents happiness. They are not working in unison with their parents and will believe their decisions are right and correct.

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Carry this pattern in to marriage and witness the crisis come to life. When partners begin to make self serving decisions that do not take their partner into consideration the relationship begins to unravel. Choose instead to build joy and happiness in the relationship. Let go of the need to be right in discussions or arguments and instead focus on finding the common ground together.

Once the focus of the relationship becomes what is positive and good for each other instead of executing self serving personal agendas it will grow to be a healthy relationship. Depending on how ingrained the behaviors have become it may be difficult to make the shift at first and you may need some assistance.

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WHEN TWO PEOPLE MARRY, they marry for life. That's the purpose of marriage isn't it? I mean when you marry you don't do it for a defined period do you? It is "for life". We have not ever known a couple who married with the intention of it not lasting the rest of their lives, but if there were some, I would hazard a guess they are heading toward divorce, eventually.

Marriage is the period from vows to eternity; at least when one of you passes away. The duration of your marriage could be anything from a few months to seventy-plus years and it is easily the biggest commitment you will ever make. Think about it, everything that you do from the Wedding day on, stems from your marriage relationship, and the impacts of nearly all things you will do will always have to be considered.

Christian people believe marriage is a covenant agreement, meaning once we are married, we are bound to our marriage partner; it is more than a contract that can be broken if the "conditions" are not met-it is binding, forever! Having said that, there are very limited circumstances where breaking a Christian marriage may be necessary. For instance, ongoing abuse with no sign of remorse and seeking help.

Many people believe in God, and this is the unique perspective from which we want to share with you! And even if you do not believe in God, what harm will it do to continue reading this little article? It may provide something for you to think on?

We believe good marriages are built. They are constructed and maintained; always attended to. It takes commitment one-day-at-a-time for the rest of our lives-we believe we will never attain perfection in our marriage and we can tell you that brings us an enormous amount of comfort; yes, we are glad. It takes a commitment to learning about each other and serving each other; that the other may be placed ahead of the self. This sounds easy in theory, and we believed it would be, but it is entirely different placing our partner in the "better" position to ourselves in practice.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Marriage is mostly about commitment. Commitment in marriage is welded with Passion and Intimacy-see the book "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" about this "love triangle" and how critical it is to focus on all three sides. Whilst it is important to recognise that passion will wax and wane, and for that matter intimacy too, commitment is something that has to be non-negotiable and unconditional right throughout the marriage. We are told, and we believe, that there will be "dry times" in our marriage that will mean our relationship could need to survive on commitment alone. We (and you) need to be ready! If two people stay committed to marriage, and any significant issues are dealt with, the marriage will last the distance.

It is also important to always do the right thing in marriage no matter the cost, having faith that all the little things will add up to a wonderful harvest of love and a rich marriage relationship.

Troubleshooting marriage problems before they become issues. We feel quite strongly that we will always require help in our marriage. As we mentioned before, this brings us comfort because it takes some of the pressure off. Many people are into personal life coaching today, and similarly, we have a "marriage coach". Our coach is a counsellor but we use her as a coach for frequent pulse checks. This is particularly important in the first few years of marriage, and also wherever there is significant change in the family unit, for instance, when a baby is born. Many things can be said in the "safety" of a coaching/counselling environment without the fear of the issue (and all marriages have "issues") degenerating into an argument.

Marriage is about communication. It is listening and understanding every word our partner is not saying. It is paying attention to not only the words, but also the tone, the body language, and the mood. Paying attention to the unique way to love your partner and not overstep their boundaries are both vital to sustaining a great marriage. The "Love Languages" and "Boundaries" books recommended are there to assist you.

Marriage is about choosing to believe the best in each other. It is critical to the operation of any relationship, and marriages in particular, to know that our partner is not there just to make us happy. It is very important that our happiness should be derived from our self-concept and also from God-who can make anyone happy in any circumstance-history has proven this over again. Do not look to your partner to do what no-one can do other than yourself; that is to choose to be happy and be responsible for yourself. The book "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" mentions a habit that we commend to you; it is "the habit of happiness".

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Forgiveness. Every marriage partner should remember three words-not just, 'I love you,' but 'Please forgive me' and the reciprocal three words, 'I forgive you'. Forgiveness and grace in marriage is absolutely essential. Without it you and your partner will often feel shipwrecked and lost. Forgiveness is sweet and refreshing to the soul of both partners, and it is life to any marriage, and any relationship for that matter!

You have an assignment: That is to be the object lesson of a faithful person so your children, friends and family, also get the blessings you're getting. Focus on it, and loving your partner, as if your very life depends on it, because it does!

Finally, it would be remiss of us to not send you, a most lovely and blessed married couple, the blessing of God through our Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ...

May He, God, remain the central figure in your relationship together. May you never take each other's love for granted, but always experience that wonder that exclaims out of all the world, 'you have chosen me,' and when life is done, may you be found then as now, hand in hand, still thanking God for each other, and may you serve Him happily, faithfully together until Christ returns in glory, OR, until at last one shall lay the other to rest in the arms of the Saviour. All this through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Looking for love and romance can be challenging. Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com