My Husband Filed For Divorce Suddenly: Saving Marriage After Divorce Papers Filed

I recently received an email from a wife was still in shock that she had received divorce papers at her office without any warning. She knew that for the last few months, things had not been all that great between her and her husband. But she assumed that they had just been going through a rough patch that would pass as it always did. In fact, her husband had never even mentioned divorce and she was stunned that she was now staring at divorce papers, unsure of how she should react.

She was sure about one thing. She did not want a divorce. She took her marriage vows very seriously and she certainly did not want to break up her family. She was prepared to fight for the marriage, but she was completely unsure of what her husband was thinking since he clearly did not involve her in his decision to file for divorce. She wanted to know how she should react and proceed. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.

I Know That His Filing For Divorce Was Sudden And Unexpected, But Don't Let That Derail You: I get emails like this quite a bit. And, quite understandably, the wife is usually fixated on the fact that she never saw it coming. She's usually devastated that the husband did not give her the courtesy or the respect to discuss this with her (or at least to warn her) before she received divorce papers.

This of course usually makes her take pause as to how to respond. She feels incredibly betrayed and isn't sure how to approach someone who clearly did not want to discuss this beforehand. I completely understand this. But, coming up with a resolution to this problem is going to require that, at some point, you're able to effectively communicate with your spouse.

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So, even though the temptation to focus on this coming from out of the blue is going to be very high, resist the urge to respond so negatively that you derail or delay your ability to begin to lay some foundation for communication and cooperation.

When You Respond To His Sudden Request For A Divorce, Always Consider The Perception That You Are Giving Off: I sometimes have husbands who have requested a divorce visit my blog. Sometimes, they leave comments or contact me. And, most of them indicate that in the end they decided to go ahead and press for the divorce because they just could not see a healthy resolution. They finally decided that things just could not or would not change enough to make the marriage satisfying or fulfilling for them.

There are many reasons that they might give for this, but often they feel that they and their spouse are no longer connected enough to give it a serious try. So, they have come to the conclusion that since no real and lasting change is on the horizon, it's better to just cut their losses now. Always try to remember this when you respond to them.

Because if you come in and respond with anger, accusations, or things that induce negative responses from him, you're only digging a deeper hole for this situation. You're only reinforcing those negative perceptions. So, in his mind, he's thinking "see I knew that I was right. We are just never going to be able to communicate in a positive way again."

As hard as it may be, and as much as you may be acting, you're better off just focusing on right is in front of you rather than the fact that you were blindsided. It's best to wait to come face to face with him until you can respond with some sense of control. What you are wanting to get across is that you're sorry that he's so unhappy. You want for him to know that your real goal in your marriage was for both of you to be fulfilled and happy together.

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To that end, you aren't going to react badly and just make the situation worse. Instead, you're going to take the high road and try to work with him to get the two of you to a place where you can interact on a positive level because, whatever happens, he's one of the most important people in your life and you don't want to lose the relationship - no matter if the nature of it ultimately changes. Now, you and I both know you have an ulterior motive, but he doesn't need to know that.

If you give off the impression that you are going to be working with him rather than against him, then he is going to give you easier access to him, which you will need in the days and weeks to come.

Accepting Small Victories When You Are Hoping For Bigger Ones: Ultimately, you want to play your part so well that he begins to consider that his perceptions about you and the marriage may well have been wrong. This might take some time. You may have to appreciate small victories where you have interactions that are cordial and light hearted. This will hopefully lead to both of your wanting more. I will leave your legal strategies to the attorneys, but strategies meant to get him to change his mind about the divorce will almost always work better if you don't push too hard, give off the impression that you are trying to help him improve things so that you are both happier, and insinuate that you are working with him rather than against him.

And it's almost always not in your best interest to dwell on the fact that the divorce was so sudden and how unfair this was. That's not to say that you aren't right about it being unfair, but what's done is done. You have to focus on moving forward and getting what you want rather than on looking back.

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Emotionally and mentally, marriage can have positive effects on an individual. If one is inspired and is free from stress, for instance, he or she can reap the great benefits marriage can bring.

Having a happy and stress free disposition can make one contented and inspired to do his chores at home or tasks in his place of work. It can boost one's confidence and lead him or her to do well in whatever his tasks may be.

But this does not happen all the time because as we all know, trials occur along the way which can lead to conflicts and other problems. When challenges exist, couples tend to become tensed and may even experience an emotional roller coaster.

Apart from the emotional and mental effects, though, did you know that marriage as well as divorce can also impact an individual's physical being? A new research conducted by a team from the Ohio State University has shown that marriage and divorce can affect a person's weight. But there's a difference on how the weight is affected in men and women.

It has been found that women often gain weight after their wedding. Men, on the other hand, tend to increase their weight after a divorce. This applies to couples aged 30 and above regardless whether they're married or divorce.

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The authors of the study pointed out that the weight gain in their research among married and divorced people should not be ignored. They added that if this condition continues and the persons concerned don't take action to control their weight, they could face health risks moving forward.

The research team also pointed out the reason married women gain weight can be attributed to the fact that they are often preoccupied with their household chores or their work. As such, many of them no longer have time to do some exercise to stay in shape compared to the unmarried women.

Men, on the one hand, were found to stay fit while married but tend to gain weight when divorced. After a divorce, there are men who tend to ignore themselves and keep on eating whatever they like. This then leads to weight gain.

What the research points out is that people are likely to gain weight when they experience changes in their personal status such as getting married or divorced. The team from the Ohio State University surveyed some 10,000 people to find out the effects of marriage or divorce on an individual's weight. They also took into account the other factors such as pregnancy, education, socio-economic status and poverty.

Previous research has also shown the same effects on the weight of married people. The Journal of Obesity Research in 1999 found that those who got married developed the same eating habits as their partner that led to weight gain. The study that covered 376 pairs showed that spouses became very much alike after living together as married couples over time. Often when one of the spouses eat more than the other, chances are the other one will develop the same eating habit.

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Stop everything you're doing and write down these principled ways for reconnecting and restoring the broken bonds with your spouse. Apply each of these principles every day until you have completed them all. Don't worry about what your spouse will say or do, just do these steps for yourself and for God.

Forgive Your Spouse

Forgiveness is the greatest principle ever created. Instead of being vengeful, spiteful, resentful, and unforgiving, Christ teaches us to forgive. Forgiveness is much needed before you can restore the marriage because without forgiving your spouse they may feel exasperated, move on, and find someone who will forgive and love them. Forgiving your spouse lifts the burden from you and frees you to love again. Forgiveness is freedom of heart, mind, and soul. Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the Lord and he will deliver you. Proverbs 20:22

Bible Study Together

Make time for the Lord! It is so important to make time for understanding and learning about God's will for your marriage. Couples should not forget about the importance of growing and connecting with the Lord-it is what brings couples back together again. It is God who brought you together in the beginning and it is God who will reunite you again. If your spouse is unwilling to read the bible, then read it on your own. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. (John 4:24)

Trust Your Spouse

Just like forgiveness, trusting your spouse involves fruit from your spirit. Christ gives us fruit when we remain faithful to Him and do His will in our marriage. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22)

Trusting your spouse takes all of the above attributes. If you do not trust your spouse now then you must pray about it and ask Christ for the guidance you need. Trust is an important aspect of having a close intimate and emotional bond with your spouse. In reality, real trust for our spouse comes from trusting in our self. How do we trust in ourselves? Through having a close intimate connection with our Savior, Jesus Christ.

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Forgiveness works very closely with trust. If a spouse has hurt you in some way and you stop trusting them then the intimate and emotional bonds between you will break. Talk with your spouse about ways in which they can begin to be more accountable to you. Let them know that because of past behavior you need this kind of accountability from them right now. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3)

If you and your spouse are separated now, then you may be unable to apply any real accountability into the marriage, but you can let your spouse know that you forgive them and trust them for anything they may have done in the past and that you are now moving forward in the Lord, and taking care of your self and any responsibilities that join you to the marriage. They need to know that you are not going to resent them or play head trips with them because of a past sin they may have committed.

Communicate Intimately Every Day!

Don't let a day go by that you do not have an intimate conversation with your spouse. Is there something on your mind, talk about it today. Get things off your mind productively. Don't beat around the bush, but be straightforward and honest about your feelings.

Believe it or not couples can lose touch with one another emotionally and intimately when they do not take the time to be there for each other through communication of feelings and self-expression. Who are you married to? Do you know? What does your wife need most from you? What do you need most from your wife? How can husband and wife meet these needs of each other? By being givers! Do you know the person you are married to? If not, why not?

This is why scripture states to build each other up. It is through your intimate and emotional conversations with your spouse and doing things together that builds couples up. We all need encouragement now and again; even those people who have close relationships with Christ. In ideal marriages it is essential that couples be there for each other! Therefore encourage one another, and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:10)

By doing each and everyone of these steps for restoring your marriage you will be putting God first in your life and marriage. You will be doing the will of God for your life. Blessed is the man (woman) who makes the LORD his trust. (Psalm 40:4)

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Why are there a lot of websites offering services for marriage counselling online? This is because of the staggering facts that more and more marriages end up in divorce. So to help reduce, if not to totally eradicate divorce cases, website owners are starting to devote their websites to assisting couples in resolving their marital problems with the use of well-known and practical tips to save their marriage, through marriage counselling online.

Marriage counselling online is a very unique way for couples to resolve their marital problems though the compilation of practical tips and excellent marriage advices that work for couples worldwide. With the consideration of the different norms and traditions, as well as the religious beliefs of couples, these websites have come up with traditional, scientific and more modern means of resolving issues of married people, without compromising their values systems and religious standings.

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Marriage counselling online is also perceived as the alternative for the expensive couples's therapy prevalent in a lot of countries worldwide. Through the use of more modern gadgets, couples could ask for online consultations from psychiatrists, who could help them evaluate their relationship as well as propose ways by which couples could become more compromising and loving to one another.

Though some people may argue that marriage counselling online cannot guarantee the success of the advices that they give to their clients, still it is important to remind that the couples are the responsible parties that will ensure whether or not the advice will work for them. Yes, they are the ones who will ensure that whatever they receive as counsel from professionals will really help them not to call it quits with one another.

So, I hope that through this short backgrounder, we have become enlightened on what marriage counselling online and how it could help couples with problems.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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