My Husband Is A Nag: Nagging Husband What To Do

Nagging: "To be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction. To irritate by constant scolding or urging." That is the definition from Merriam-Webster.

This is what an individual feels when they think they are being "nagged". Who wants to deal with the constant annoyance and scolding? Not any grown adult I know.

So what is the root of nagging? Depending on where you look, you may find different answers, but from what I've learned, nagging is a result of a lack of communication between two partners.

It is a way for one person to actually illicit a response from the other, albeit a negative response. When one partner feels like communication is failing, and they need some sort of interaction from their other half, they resort to any means necessary to get some interaction.

Nagging is one way to achieve this. They ride you and pester you until finally you retaliate with anger and frustration. It worked for them; they got you to say something. They now know you are listening to them, and that's really all they wanted. They wanted some attention, to know you hear them. What they hope for is a positive exchange between the two of you, but negative communication is better than no communication.

Everyone has a need to feel wanted, needed, and important to someone else. That is a big reason why we choose to be with our spouse in the first place. We love that they care for us, want to be with us, understand us, and want to grow with us.

When those feelings subside, we begin to feel very insecure. We miss the interaction, compassion, conversation and love that we grew so accustomed to. We crave that energy, and we want it back.

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Instead of expressing that we need attention, we fall into the nagging phase. Afraid to rock the boat more permanently, we feel nagging is more short term. So we nag until we get the some response (attention) from our spouse. And this leads to a fight or argument, and snowballs the feelings of insecurity on both parties.

Can nagging, then, lead to an affair? The answer is absolutely yes! And the affair could come from either spouse. This is because when nagging occurs, it is a sign that the basic needs of husband and wife are not being met. You are not giving your spouse the attention, they need, the feeling of security, and so on and so forth.

Likewise, they feel that you are not providing them with those same needs, and thus they nag you until you come through for them. When basic needs aren't being met, physically or emotionally, a spouse will seek an alternate means to satisfy those needs. This is how affairs happen. If you fail to pay attention to your spouse, show sincere interest in them, and let them know how important you are to them, they will find someone who can provide these essential needs.

How can you overcome this? I suggest you each sit down (individually) and write down what "your" marriage profile is. A marriage profile is simply what you expect your marriage to be like. Start out from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed. Describe how your ideal day would go and where and how your spouse is included in that day.

Ask yourself these questions along the way:

* Do you share a meaningful conversation with your spouse when you wake up or do you just get ready for work?

*Do you eat meals together? Home or out?

*Do you call your spouse throughout the day or just wait until you get home?

*Do you think about your spouse during the day?

*Do you plan what you and your spouse will do later during the day or week? Any dates with your spouse?

*What do your conversations consist of?

*How many minutes during the day are you sharing meaningful conversation with your spouse?

*What activities do you do with your spouse?

*How do you end your evening with your spouse?

*Do you have meaningful conversation before bed?

*How happy are you after this "ideal" day?

Writing these things out and creating a profile is essential to happiness. Now see what your spouse has written and compare. This type of activity will create meaningful conversation and bring back the spark you are missing. Constant nagging is a sign that something is wrong in your relationship, and you need to address it before one partner decided to either have an affair or get a divorce.

You just learned a great exercise to help build a better, more trusting relationship with your spouse. Practice this exercise and you can help eliminate nagging in your marriage.

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If things have reached the point where your spouse wants a divorce, then you need to take action to save your marriage. Regardless of how hopeless your situation might seem, I want to assure you that everything is not lost. Most marriages can still be saved even when one spouse claims they want a divorce. The biggest problem is the reaction of the other spouse usually kills any chance they might have had to save things.

I'm not a counselor or a therapist. A few years ago my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce. I was not at all prepared to face something like this. Shocked and devastated beyond my ability to describe, I desperately made a whole bunch of mistakes in a last ditch effort to get her to change her mind and save my marriage. It turned out that nearly everything I was doing was wrong. Yes, my best thinking nearly cost me the marriage, once and for all!

Did you know that traditional counseling only has about a 20% success rate in saving marriages? Many of these counselors are doctors! Well I certainly wouldn't choose a doctor who only had a 20% success rate with patients, so why should a marriage counselor be any different? It made me realize why marriage counseling had not provided us with any lasting benefit and now I think I understand why the divorce rate is so high.

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Here is how you can save your marriage even if your spouse wants a divorce:

1. Avoid the common mistakes like begging and pleading

2. Get out of your emotional state and put yourself in a calm and rational resourceful state

3. Take the lead in saving your marriage and dedicate yourself 100%

4. Stop playing the blame game

5. As counter-intuitive as it seems, love your spouse enough to let them go

When I began acting this way around my wife, I saw changes in her, changes in our marriage and changes in myself. I guess it's true when they say "with every action, there is a reaction." You just have to take the RIGHT action, to get the right REACTION!

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You think to yourself "here we go again." A conversation starts out peacefully and then before you know it you are arguing and yelling at each other. While no one says it out loud you are both thinking "What in the world happened to the person I married? And what in the world happened to our marriage that was supposed to make us so happy?"

There really is nothing worse than coming home each day to marriage that is sucking the life out of you and causing great pain and stress for you both. While you know the problem isn't unique to you, since you have seen parents and friends struggle in their marriage, it is somehow different when it is your marriage and your life. Most people in a bad marriage would do just about anything imaginable to get things headed in the right direction, to stop the fighting, and to get the marriage that they had always dreamed of.

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Some people in this situation will turn to counselors for help. This always is an option but they can be incredibly expensive not to mention time consuming for each of you to consistently take off work and drive across town to meet. Not only are they expensive and time consuming but often times counselors can actually do damage to a relationship and actually be detrimental.

These are the reasons that many are bypassing the counselor and going through some life changing information in the comfort of their own home for a price that is less than one counseling session. If you could get the same or better information, spend a lot less money, and be able to work on your marriage on your own time it seems like a no brainier not to do so. Just about every marriage can be saved and you owe it to yourself to do everything you can do so.

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I sometimes hear from people who aren't sure how they should be acting while they are separated from their spouse. They have often read that you shouldn't seem desperate or appear that you are just waiting for your spouse to call or attempt to see you. In other words, to the extent that you can, you want to make sure that you are not the only one initiating the contact or doing to pursuing.

I heard from a wife who said: "we've been separated for about six weeks. I miss my husband terribly. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how wrong it is that he is no longer living at home. Sometimes, when we talk on the phone, the words 'I miss you' are right on the tip of my tongue. But I don't say them because I don't want to appear overly eager. Most of the time, my husband and I get along reasonably well when we interact during the separation, so I don't think that my missing him would upset him or make him recoil. I'm just not sure if I should tell him how very much I miss him and how desperate I truly am for him to come home. What do you think?"

It's not hard from me to put myself in this wife's shoes. I went through a separation just like this. And in the beginning of it, I never passed up an opportunity to let my husband know how much I missed him. And as this wife suspected, it backfired on me because all it did was make my husband feel so guilty that he wanted to avoid me. Later, I learned to not be so forthcoming with how badly I was feeling and this actually did help things between us. However, I think that sometimes people take this strategy too far.

He Probably Already Knows That Despite The Circumstances, You Both Miss Each Other: Our husbands can often read us better than we think. And I'm pretty sure that both people strongly suspect that the other one is missing their lives together. It would be difficult to be married to and live with someone for as long as they had and to not feel some longing once you were living apart. So I doubt that the husband would be all that shocked if the wife stated the obvious - that she missed him.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

However, I think that the real distinction can be whether you tell him that you miss him if he asks or if you continuously blurt it out when no one has even brought it up. I mean, I used to bring up the topic myself and then proceed to tell my husband I didn't know if I could be without him for one more day. This is entirely different than confessing you are missing your spouse if they are the one who brings it up or if they ask you directly about this.

Understand That Missing Your Spouse Doesn't Change The Issues That Lead To The Separation: One thing that never occurred to me when I was constantly telling my husband how much I missed him was how little this mattered when you looked at the big picture. And I am not trying to sound insensitive when I say this. But, my missing him didn't change the fact that neither of us had done anything to address the issues that lead to the separation in the first place.

One day when I was going on and on about how unhappy the separation was making me, my husband said "yes, but tell me something new. Tell me what has changed." I thought he was just trying to shut me up. It took me a while to realize what he meant. What he was trying to tell me is that me missing him didn't do a single thing to fix our marital problems. And until those issues were resolved, nothing was going to change for him regardless of how much I missed him.

So sometimes you really have to look at the big picture and ask yourself where you are in the process. For example if you and your husband have made huge strides and have worked through your problems so well that you are beginning to date one another and become intimate again, then telling him that you miss him might actually change things because the situation would be such that it would make sense to act on this. However, if like my case, nothing had changed, then telling him that you miss him is sort of stating the obvious and it's likely to frustrate you both because regardless of how you both are feeling, nothing has really changed in regards to your marriage.

So to answer the question posed, it's my opinion that if your husband asks you directly, there's no reason to lie and claim that you don't miss him. But if you're going to bring up the topic yourself, make sure that you have laid some groundwork on fixing your marriage so that your words matter. It doesn't make sense to stress how much you miss him when neither of you have addressed the outstanding issues so that you can both do something about them.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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