My Husband Is Shutting Me Out: What To Do When Your Husband Shuts You Out

I often hear from wives who are well aware that their husband is no longer all that committed or invested in their marriage. Sometimes, this is just an obvious truth that can be made by taking an honest look around. Other times, the husband begins talking about separating or about taking a break. Either way, the wife can be extremely motivated to find a way to get him to recommit to both her and the marriage.

I heard from a wife who said: "I know that my husband doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. I know that our marriage is in real trouble. But I am very sure that I want to save our marriage. And I am willing to do whatever I have to do in order to make that happen. My husband, however, doesn't feel the same way. He has started hinting about moving out or seeking a separation. When he says these things, I ask him to reconsider and I tell him that if he would just give me a chance, I could make our marriage work. But he just stares at me blankly or even rolls his eyes as if he has no faith that our marriage is even worth fighting for. What can I do to make my husband recommit to me and our marriage? Because if I can't do this, I feel like my marriage is over." I'll try to address these concerns in the following article.

It's More Effective (And Easier) To Get Him To Recommit When Things Are Going Well: I know that when your marriage is falling apart, this is the time when you feel the most desperate to get him to recommit to you. But, you should also know that this is the time when you have the least chance of success. In other words, the worse shape your marriage is in, the less of a chance you have that he is going to willingly and enthusiastically recommit, no matter what strategy or plan you use. The reason for this is that he really doesn't have much of an incentive to believe that real change or improvement is even possible. You're essentially asking him to take a leap of faith when he's yet to see anything to tell him that it's wise to do what you are asking of him.

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However, if you can first show him some improvement, your chances for success greatly increase. Because once he sees that you can and will make good on your promises, it's clear that he is no longer taking so large of a risk.

So what does this mean for you? It means that you are going to have a far greater chance of him being willing to recommit to you if you can improve your marriage first before you even ask this question. In short, you need to place your focus on improving your marriage and your interactions with your husband rather than pushing for a commitment before you give him any real incentive (other than promises) to do so.

I know that this may feel as if you are working backward. But try not to look at it this way. Instead, try to look at it like you are going with the strategy that is the most likely to work and to elicit his enthusiastic cooperation.

Know That It's Better To Entice Him To Want To Commit Than To Attempt To Force Or Trick Him Into It: Think about it for a second. If you push your husband relentlessly until you get him to very reluctantly agree to recommit, how excited do you think he is about this? Do you think his heart is really into it? Do you think he will give this everything that he has? Or do you think he's only pacifying you in order to get you to stop dwelling on the topic?

But let's look at it from another angle. What if you set it up so that your marriage improved to the point that he just naturally wanted to recommit to you because he finds himself more content and happy in the marriage? How and sincere cooperative would he be then? Obviously, one of the above scenarios gives you a much better chance to save your marriage for the long term.

Believe me when I say that I know how desperate and horrible you can feel when you know that your husband is slipping away from you. It's completely understandable that you'd be willing to do anything to get him on board. But, it doesn't make sense to look for a commitment that isn't sincere or heart felt. So it's in your best interest to place your focus more on making him want to recommit to your marriage instead of trying to bring this about by force born out of desperation.

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Are you and your spouse stuck in a lifeless marriage that seems to be going downhill fast? Fixing a marriage can be really difficult when you keep doing the same things over and over and hoping for different results. There is a secret to getting your marriage back on track. So I encourage you to take action now before it's too late!

When a marriage is in trouble, it has probably been on that course for awhile. Very few marriages hit the rocks over night. More than likely, you and your spouse have felt things getting worse for some time now. Many couples live like this for years with no apparent end in sight. Studies have shown however, that the longer these problems are allowed to continue, the less the chances of saving the marriage. So it becomes vitally important that you do something to address your marriage.

Maybe you have tried marriage counseling. This is a very popular course of action, especially when the marriage has reached crisis mode. Did you know that traditional marriage counseling only has about a 20% success rate? My wife and I tried it and even saw personal counselors separately. We still found ourselves back where we started...unhappily married!

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The problem with marriage counseling is that the vast majority of these counselors are trained primarily in individual counseling and actually know very little about what it takes to save a marriage. The model they work from focuses on the individual and his or her role in the relationship. This is a faulty model from which to work on a marriage.

Here is the secret to fixing a marriage and getting it back on track:

1. Get out of your emotional state and put yourself in a calm and rational resourceful state.

2. Recognize the common mistakes that people make when their marriage is in crisis and avoid making these mistakes.

3. Commit yourself 100% to saving the marriage, regardless of what your spouse is doing. Stop playing the blame game!

4. Be prepared to take powerful action to save your marriage

5. Treat the marriage as separate from you and your spouse as individuals. The focus will not be on the two of you. It will be on the marriage!!!

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If your marriage is on the rocks, you're not alone; over half of all marriages end in divorce. Don't assume, however, that because you're having problems that you're about to become a statistic. There are some very effective strategies that you can employ when you're fixing a marriage - strategies that work.

One of the first things that you take a look at is how you're treating your spouse; in particular, are you accusing your spouse of doing things that he or she may not, in fact, have done? It seems elementary to say, but accusations aren't going to go very far in attempting to put a marriage back together. Use "I" statements instead: "I feel that you aren't taking my needs into consideration when you're gone so much" rather than "You're spending too much time at the pub with your friends!".

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The next thing you need to realize is that your spouse has opinions, and they need them to be heard and recognized. You don't need to agree with your spouse to acknowledge that his or her opinions have value. It's OK to disagree with those opinions, but be sure that you allow your spouse the freedom to express themselves fully, without fear of being belittled or worse, unheard.

Remember that marriages are like gardens; they need work if they're going to produce fruit. You wouldn't think about just throwing vegetable or flower seeds into your backyard and expect to gain a good harvest. You'd prepare the ground, plant the seeds, and then you'd work on the garden continuously, weeding and watering. Marriage is the same way; you've got to pull some weeds before you harvest some flowers. You made a commitment to each other, to stick together for better or for worse. Keep that commitment.

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"I'm not happy in my marriage... "

I often hear this statement from many of the women I talk with on a daily basis.

Many of these women are frustrated, tired, and confused. They are totally unaware of how to work out the "kinks" in their marriage. And they feel stuck.

Often the women I talk with claim their husbands don't communicate the way they expected. The women feel lonely, undesired, and unwanted by their husbands, which leaves them vulnerable to looking for happiness and fulfillment outside of the marriage.

And when it comes to the topic of sex, they tell me that it's practically non-existent.

Sex no longer motivates these women. If they aren't happy in their marriage, they won't have sex.

Because a woman's desire and willingness to have sex is attached to her emotions, when she is unhappy, she won't want to have sex.

And if these unhappy women do have sex, they will only go through the motions just to help their husbands get an orgasm. This is sad, but often true.

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Many of these women want help, so they consider counseling. But their husbands tend to be resistant to counseling because they don't want to become as transparent as their wives about their marriage.

The wife could go to counseling by herself, but why bother if her marriage problems also include her husband? Some women will take the plunge to see a counselor, anyway.

But what if she needs something a little more personal and less focused on the problems surrounding her marriage?

What if the woman needs to focus on herself by seeing what she can do to get "unstuck" in her marriage?

No, I don't mean divorce. I mean coaching.

Coaching can often be more personal, positive, customized, and more goal oriented than counseling.

While counseling deals with past problems and healing, (which many women do need), coaching on the other hand, can help a woman to create goals and a strategy to help her in her marriage, but also in areas for her future.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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