My Husband Left Me, But Won't Tell Me Why: How To Deal With Husband Walking Out

I recently heard from a wife who just wasn't sure what to do. Her husband had left her and the home the week before and now was not accepting her calls, texts, or emails. Anytime that she did get him on the phone or placed herself in front of him and had his attention for long enough to get a question or two into the conversation, she would ask him why he had left her. The husband would abruptly change the subject, end the conversation. or walk away. It become very clear that he was avoiding this topic at all costs.

The wife was dead set on getting some answers. She knew that the marriage wasn't perfect and that they most certainly had some work to do, but she never imagined that he would just leave. She suspected that if she could get him to tell her why exactly he had left, she could then work on those issues in the hopes of resolving the situation and eventually save the marriage and get him to return home.

But, she wasn't sure how she could do this when he had made it clear that this was a topic that was off limits. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.

Don't Spend All Of Your Time And Energy Getting The Answers That Might Not Come And Will Push Him Even Further Away: I completely understand wanting and needing the answers as to why your husband has left. I've been in this place and I know that it can feel like you need to know and you need to know now. But, if he's seriously resistant to this, you will often do more harm than good if you push too hard.

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In fact, often you will only push him away even more. What's more, often you're placing your focus on only one criteria when you need to be seeing the big picture. At the end of the day, your goal is to improve your situation so that he wants to come back. Yes, I understand your feeling that his reason for this is a piece of the puzzle that you need. But sometimes, if you push too hard, you risk completely losing access to him and this makes your chance for success much lower.

Moving Forward With A Plan Even If You Don't Know Precisely Why He's Left: There are many potential reasons why he might have left. I actually have many men who visit my blog and comment. Wives usually assume that there is another woman or that the husband just doesn't love them anymore. This isn't always the case. It's more common that a husband will tell me that he just felt that the relationship wasn't working anymore and he doesn't believe that this is ever going to really change.

For whatever reason, he believes that the two of you are not connected, are not functioning as two people that are part of one whole, and no longer have the relationship that used to be mutually satisfying to both of you. When I tell women this, they will often say something like "well, he's just overreacting. He expects everything to be perfect and that's just not realistic. He expects the impossible."

This may well seem true. And your points may well be quite valid. But what you have to understand is that, at least to him, his thoughts are reality - whether they are valid to you or not. He holds these thoughts and perceptions to be true. So, many times you are better off just addressing these things rather than attempting to argue with him about it or trying to get him to see that he's mistaken.

Arguing the point (even when you are right) are one of those things that are just going to make your job harder. Right now, you'll have to evaluate what's going to bring him closer to you and what's going to push him further away. As tempting as it can be to demand answers and then argue that those aren't valid, this is often not going to be in your best interest.

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Coming Off As Positive, Even If You Won't Know What You're Dealing With: Quite often, it's best just to get started rather than to waste precious time fixating on answers that you might never get. So, you'll often be better off if you proceed forward placing your focus on creating positive impressions and perceptions.

The next time you communicate with him, tell him that you've had a change of heart. Make it clear that although one day you hope his reasoning will be more clear to you, that your concern at this very moment is to improve your situation. To that end, you're going to move forward with integrity and grace, because, after all, your end goal is that you are both happy people who know that you've given this relationship your best effort. You now realize the arguing and engaging isn't likely to accomplish this. So, you're going to place your focus on what might get you better results - no matter how the relationship ultimately ends up.

Tell him that it's obvious that he wants some time and space and you are going to provide this while taking some much needed time for yourself also. Yes, this may feel like a risk. But what you've done here is to hopefully give yourself more open access to him. He no longer feels like he has to hide from you or to put his guard up. If you do this really well, he just might come to see you as someone who really wants to help him to get what he wants. This makes you his ally, which is the best case scenario.

Then, when you get more and more access to him, always leave him with a positive impression. Your real goal is to show him that yes, things can change and that yes, your relationship actually can be a close one that is mutually satisfying. This isn't likely to happen overnight. But, you do know this man better than any other. You know what he responds to and what he doesn't. Do not let your frustration and fear drive you to show the fearful side of yourself that you know, at least deep down, isn't likely to bring you the results that you want.

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In any relationship, and that includes marriage, conflicts can occur every now and then. Disagreements are bound to happen over a wide range of issues, whether big or small, but it's essential that couples know how to settle their conflicts in a calm manner.

Conflicts often make couples feel bad particularly when they can't meet halfway. Some can dwell on it for a long time to the point of giving them stress and depression although others can recover from their fight soon after they've expressed their views and emotions.

Oftentimes, arguments can come from small issues. But before you shrug it off as only "small," marriage therapists and studies have proven time and again that it's these minor issues that can be blown out of proportion and cause major fights among married couples that, in worse cases, could end up in divorce.

To maintain a strong marital bond then, the experts suggest that couples should take concrete steps to avoid conflicts that can come from the little stuff. One way is to talk things out while you have some private time with your partner. Remember that open communication is key to understanding and finding solutions to any marital issue and this should never be taken for granted.

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While you're in discussion with your spouse, share the little things in your daily life that can make you upset. It could be a disorganized room, smelly kitchen or bathroom, clothes lying on the floor or car keys not put in the proper place. Admit it or not, any of these can happen in your home but if you know that they can upset your partner, you will make sure that your abode is kept neat and clean every day.

Get to know your other half better to be able to understand his views and sentiments and avoid arguments moving forward. Every day is an opportunity to do that. It doesn't mean that just because you've spent several years together before you got married, you already know each other very well and will let nature take its natural course in your marriage.

Maintaining a good marriage takes effort so why not learn more about your partner's habits and find out how he or she copes after the conflicts. Husbands and wives have different ways of coping. Some take too long to recover as they tend to dwell on the fight while the others can recover fast and can move on with their daily routine right away.

Another step you can take is to always find a way to resolve your conflicts. If you and your spouse allow yourselves to get affected by your fights and don't talk it out to settle the issues, there's a possibility that you will end up avoiding each other leading to estrangement. You don't want that to happen, would you? So make a commitment together with your partner to solve your problems as soon as possible.

As people differ in their personalities, how soon they are able to settle their marital issues will depend largely on their attitudes.

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There are so many people around the world who might find themselves in a position where they know that their marriage is troubled and perhaps even on the brink of a divorce; but they desperately want to hold on and give the relationship another shot. There is really no reason for you to give up at such a point because if you really want to save your relationship, you can work with your partner toward this. Of course if you have reached such a stage where the emotions are very intense and the anger and mistrust may be very vulnerable, then you will need some kind of counseling to help your marriage through the rough patch.

Online marriage counseling might just be the perfect solution for you. The reason for this is very simple, you and your partner can maintain complete privacy while you receive the benefits of such online marriage counseling. There are numerous websites to be found on the internet that offers visitors free marriage counseling through the medium of public forums open to discussion as well as private discussions with a trained professional. Besides these there are thousands of helpful articles that you can read online that would be able to provide you with tips on how you can save your marriage and also help you discover a way around the problems that you might be facing. Such online marriage counseling maintains your privacy and yet addresses the problems in your marriage directly thereby helping your relationship.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Remodeling a home together is one of the most stressful things married people do. Divorce statistics must spike right along with applications for building permits. Married folks wanting to test the strength of their bond need only repaint the bedroom, add that new deck, or redo the kitchen to find out what their union is really built of. Disagreements over colors, styles, cost, removal and addition of keepsakes and on and on, all can drive a wedge in the most solidly constructed marriage. By the time the project is finished, it may feel like a small skirmish, or even a major battle, to see it through. And, if not viewed from arm's length, a remodeling job at home can leave scars on a marriage that last til the next paint job is needed. Here are ten pre-project considerations on how to avoid the impasses and conflict that arise in every home makeover, things to include in every remodeling plan. If done well, a byproduct can even be an upgraded marriage.

1 Be brutally honest about what the plan is, and how long it might take. Most people considering a home remodeling project have a vague, foggy idea of how the room or half the house would look afterward, giving little thought to specifics. This is a recipe for 'mission creep', and a great way to create apprehension about where things are going. Before the contractor(s) arrive, nail down--pun intended--every last paint color, removal and addition of furniture, drape, blind, carpet, or any other change in the room you can, regardless of how silly or odd it may seem. Take nothing for granted. The idea is to avoid any "I thought we talked about this..." moments.

2 Cost of the project must be written down, a known quantity, a 'hard' number rather than a vague idea, and it must be realistic. Nothing is cheap anymore. My wife and I recently redid our bedroom--paint, simple drapes, inexpensive blinds, a framed picture, at a cost of around $1,000 dollars. We considered new bedding, sheets, pillowcases, coverlet etc., which would have almost doubled the cost, and decided against the outlay for now. If necessary, get on-line and look at the true cost of things. One or the other of you may not have any idea, and the lack of a realistic understanding going in leads to sticker shock, and anxiety later. This doesn't have to be another occasion for tension, but there's no reason either spouse should know what things cost. It's not something we're born with, after all. Just because they're called ten penny nails doesn't mean they cost ten cents each. Go to the experts for the real answers.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

3 Along those lines, start with a small project. Remodel a utility bathroom, or do a minor upgrade to a den. A small, relatively inexpensive job gives you a good idea of the workflow, cost, time-line and all the little irritants that only magnify in a larger job.

4 Hire a contractor. This may sound contradictory to that mentioned in number two, to minimize cost, but it's not. Too many people--women and men these days--believe they can do various remodeling jobs themselves cheaper, better, more quickly than hiring it out. The end result can be quite good. But it can be frustrating, poor quality, endlessly time consuming, and a real bruise to the ego when a mate yearns to have the job finished, and the end is nowhere in sight. With the do-it-yourself approach, the potential for an "I told you so" is always present, and those are hard on a marriage. With all the unforeseen tools required, runs to the hardware store, time off work, construction disarray, and miscellaneous interruptions to the project, not to mention possible unsafe results and code violations, it could very well end up being cheaper in the long run to hire a professional. Plus, the pros are insured and bonded, they know building codes, you can access their past clients to check out their credentials and they're available to redo something that isn't quite right.

5 Having planned the project to a gnats patoot, set the cost in concrete, learned all the ins and outs, the time frames, and the final result, go over it yet again, and see if it's what you really want. It may be helpful to designate the project as one of your own, with your mate agreeing to stay on the sidelines. That is, you take the kitchen; I'll take the den etc.. If you're able to do this, and to give up any input to your mate's project, it may be the best approach to getting the remodel job you want. With both spouses having full time careers these days, and incomes even, or nearly so, the ego factor can intervene in any home project.

6 How long are you planning to stay in the home, and why are you remodeling in the first place? This may seem like an odd question, but the fact remains that we tend to spruce a house up with new paint, carpeting and even full new kitchens to sell it to someone else--who may not like what we've done, and redo it! Be realistic about it; do the job for your own enjoyment, leave it go, or minimize it.

7 In the middle of a remodeling job is no time to question number 6.

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8 As they say, change is inevitable, except from a pop machine. Even the best plans must be subject to change. If one of you decides they really don't like the paisley curtains after all, or the lavender paint just doesn't go with the gold and silver carpet like you hoped it might, all is not lost. Find the cheapest way to back off the plan, and discuss it with your mate. This is a good time for the 48 hour rule: Stop the project, wait 48 hours to make a decision, and then implement it.

9 Take pictures all along the way. This allows you to end up with before and after shots, keeps your contractor honest, helps you track the job for the sake of both you and your mate, and may be a good idea for the insurance file. Take digital shots, create a file on the computer, and fill it up.

10 Perhaps the best advice for staying sane, healthy, happy--and married--in the midst of a remodeling project is to leave. That's right, take off. Take my advice, hire a contractor, ascertain that they have all the tools, supplies, time and information they need, then whisk your mate away to the islands for a week. Give the contractor the number to your hotel, or your cell phone, and tell them not to call unless the house burns down, and even then... Relax, enjoy, forget the dust and disruption going on back home. Imagine returning home to the dream kitchen, or fashionable new living room you saw in the magazine. The view can be like seeing your shared home again for the first time.

Remodeling? Do the homework first, write everything down, take pictures before and after, and do some real soul searching on ways to include your mate. A time filled with potential for tension can instead be a constructive way to rebuild your marriage. And that requires no building permit whatsoever.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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