My Husband Never Keeps His Word: My Husband Never Does What He Says

Over the years, honest husbands have told me that they have lied to their wives to avoid retaliation. Enough husbands have said this that it may be more common than we realize. Truthfully, I need not leave my own address to vouch for this. My husband has said that at times in our relationship he has used withholding, minimizing or outright lying in order to avoid reprisal from me.

I have bit my husband's head off for any number of reasons, including lying. I was very mean and downright nasty. Okay, I'm from Philly-LOLl! You and I both know mean and nasty didn't come from Philly, they came from me! Thank God for deliverance, right? Reeling it in, a wife being mean and nasty to her husband does not excuse, nor make his lying acceptable. They are both wrong! However, I am simply saying that wives can make it easier or harder for husbands to lie.

Here's a scenario. Your husband lies. You (wife) are doing the laundry. In his shirt pocket you discover a receipt. The receipt is from a very expensive restaurant. It is clear from the receipt that two people had dinner. You also note that dinner occurred well beyond normal work hours. You approach your husband and begin asking him where he was on that specific date. When you are not satisfied with his answer, you ask with whom was he and what was he doing. He lies. You go ballistic, whip out the receipt, and confront him directly. You feel betrayed. Your anger escalates. He calmly continues to deny any wrongdoing. Unable to abate the attack, he decides to leave. Now you're really mad!

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The problem with this approach is that instead of being forthright and expressing concern upon finding the receipt and with whom he had dinner, you pretended you knew nothing. In other words, you lied. You lied while insisting your husband tell the truth. You became angrier at each denial. But you received what you got was what you asked for-a lie. A lie causes a lie. We cannot use a lie to catch a liar. There still is no honor among thieves. The worse thing a woman can do when her man lies is to become a liar to catch a liar.

The same is true when we look through our husbands' text messages, e-mails, and credit card receipts, listen to his voice mails and calling his co-workers and friends to keep tabs on him. And then we use this information to try and trap him in a lie. If a person is a slave to lying, they will lie. They won't need additional help to lie, nor will they benefit from another reason to lie. A liar needs opportunities to tell the truth. Truth exposes lies. Lies conceal lies. When we lie we make it easier for others to lie.

Women, wife please understand that when you become inch high private eye relative to how your man, or husband is using his time and his technology you do not serve him or yourself. When you sneak, snoop, or demand he give you an account of himself you are doing a few things: trying to avert appearing like a fool (nobody wants to feel like a fool), proactively avoiding being taking advantage of, circumventing betrayal, or trying to prevent him from engaging in impropriety. How does any of this bring about changes that need to take place in his heart? And for that matter, women that have engaged the above ploys will tell you they found that for which they were looking! Such women report being played, feeling like a fool, taken advantage of and betrayed all as a result of his indiscretion!

The belief that we can prevent husbands (or wives for men to whom this may apply) from acting out through rage, indiscretion or shirking responsibility is mistaken. We can't! God never intended for us to do what He reserves for Himself! God delivers the souls of men and women. God draws us out from our hiding places. God convicts us of sin. God inspires and guides us in to truth. Yes, God uses people to accomplish His work. But it is nonetheless, His work! And He doesn't employ us in the methods listed above. Listen. If God desires you and I to know something about our spouse He is supremely able to get us that information without us seeking it out! When God reveals things to us about our spouse (or any other for that matter) it is because He has or will equip us to respond in a godly manner!

We can make it harder for others to lie when we tell the truth. When we are in the habit of telling the truth, lies become extremely obvious. When the government trains workers to detect counterfeit money, they simply continuously expose workers to real money. They are not shown counterfeit bills. Workers become so familiar with genuine bills that a counterfeit bill sticks out like a sore thumb! The same is with lies and truth!

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Picture the scene....Your marriage is crumbling around your ears, you are thinking "I need help with my marriage now" It was just a few months ago when everything seemed ok. Where did it all go wrong? Your sex life wasn't all that fantastic, but you put it down to the pressure of work. Rather than talk or communicate it became easier to slump in front of the TV of an evening, as you both had a long tiring day. Your partner was getting more irritable and grumpy, but you put that down to the pressures of work. Then one day you hear that dreaded saying, that your partner needs some" time on their own" It all quickly escalates from there, into an almost irretrievable situation.

Does this sound all too familiar, because it certainly does with me? Like you, a couple of years back, I thought that my world had ended and I just didn't know where to turn. I couldn't think straight and I even resorted to begging my partner to take me back, which succeeded in driving them further away. So I know what you are going through and I feel your pain. So what could I have done differently?

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Well, one of the things I learned is that to save my marriage I had to start thinking rationally and calmly instead of emotionally. When faced with these situations it is imperative that you keep positive, because any negative actions that you carry out will have a negative reaction upon your partner. A good way to start to make a difference to your marital situation right away is to make yourself less accessible to your partner.

For example take up a new hobby, or join a gym, or book club. You need to do this for two reasons. Firstly, it takes you out of the marital situation for a while, so you have time to think. The second reason is that your partner will soon realise that you are not as reliant upon them as they thought you were. This coupled with your new found positive attitude will have a positive effect upon your partner. And indeed start to save your marriage immediately!

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If you want to save your marriage from the debilitating effects of an environment low on trust, you have to be prepared to completely embrace honesty in your relationship.

Too often honesty is seen at only one level and in terms of facts and events. The truth is, this is probably the easiest level to navigate in any relationship. It is not difficult to relate to the fact that either some event did take place or not.

The aspects of honesty where relationships get into trouble and have a harder time navigating are intellectual honesty, and emotional honesty. You will do yourself a great favor and save your marriage or relationship a lot of heartache if you focus on these two and get to understand why it is absolutely important that they are practiced regularly in the relationship.

Intellectual Honesty

Intellectual honesty is best understood by defining intellectual dishonesty. Intellectual dishonesty is advocating a position that is known to be false or inappropriate. Normally this is done for the sole reason to suit one's agenda, beliefs or intentions and has little or nothing to do with what is the truth.

From that definition alone you can see where engaging in intellectual dishonesty in your relationship will likely lead to you undermining the trust that your partner has in you as a person. In fact, you run the risk of losing your partner's respect.

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Probably the most important reason why you should put intellectual honesty at the center of your relationship is the effect that it has on the interaction between you and your spouse.

* Intellectual honesty on your part will encourage the same from your spouse.

* Intellectual honesty creates an environment of deeper trust in the relationship.

* Intellectual honesty clears away issues not central to the argument and makes resolution of issues more likely.

Emotional Honesty

Practicing emotional honesty can save your marriage from sinking into a state of separateness and detachment experienced by both parties.

Emotional honesty means being able to be honest about your true feelings. Too often we choose to deliberately misrepresent how we are feeling about a particular issue. This could be for any number of reasons.

However, if you cannot express your feelings accurately to your partner then to the extent that what you are working with is false, then the outcome is also likely to be false. This then leads to both parties in the relationship feeling emotionally disconnected.

To save your marriage from this state of affairs, commit to practicing emotional honesty, always seek to express your feelings in an honest and straightforward manner.

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Most people wondering what does the Bible say about marriage have probably heard one of two things. Either that Moses allowed a man to divorce his wife with a letter of dismissal or what God joins let not man put asunder.

Interestingly, it says both.

Jesus, however, explained that. God allowed the letter of dismissal in the days of Moses on account of their hard hearts; not a compliment to their faith or character. The Old Testament even seems to allow a man having multiple wives. Yet, if you read the Bible, you will see that that practice led to nothing but trouble.

So, what does the Bible say about marriage in the New Testament? Here you will find people saying that divorce is not allowed. But that is not entirely correct. Divorce is certainly not advised or permitted out of convenience, but there is provision for adultery and abandonment.

Notice, however, that adultery need not demand a divorce. If you want to save your marriage after infidelity that would certainly be encouraged.

Also note that no good Christian counselor will advise any person to stay in the same household as an abusive person. That does not necessarily allow divorce, but it certainly allows a person to escape a dangerous situation.

One of the reasons people rush into divorce is because they rushed into the marriage. Few people really take their wedding vows as much more than a formality, to be forgotten and "put asunder" as soon as they walk out of the church.

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Saving a marriage in crisis is certainly preferable according to the Bible and I suggest doing all you can to do overcome the problems in your marriage. When children are involved this becomes especially important.

If you are in the least bit concerned with what the Bible says about marriage then you should put aside your own selfish desires and think about what is best for your entire family. Whether that includes children or just the two of you.

Even if you rushed into the marriage that is not an excuse to rush into the divorce. Some of the happiest couples I know started out a bit rough but worked on their relationship and found they really did have the love of their life.

Some couples get along because they share so many things in common, others because opposites attract. Neither is necessarily the right way to have a marriage.

What does matter is that you treat your spouse with the respect that any other human deserves, even if it is not returned right away.

Sometimes in a relationship you have to be the first to change. Often, the other person will be almost shamed into changing as well. You see this kind of behavior on the school playground, but unfortunately it carries over into later life when we are supposed to act like mature adults.

Start saving your marriage by simply treating your spouse as you would like to be treated yourself. The Bible says do unto others as you wish them to do unto you. That does not mean just strangers; spouses too.

Next is to stop looking for excuses to get a divorce and look instead for reasons to stay married. I guarantee you that every human alive is capable of seeing what they want to see in a situation. Do not talk yourself into a big mistake out of frustration or anger.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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