My Husband Says He Is Not In Love Anymore Because He Is Not Attracted To Me: He Said He's Not Attracted To Me

I often hear from very upset wives who have been told something quite upsetting by their husbands. In short, he's typically told her that he is no longer "in love" with her because he's either no longer attracted to her or just doesn't find her physically appealing anymore. Wives often tell me things like: "in the heat of the moment, my husband admitted that he's just no longer attracted to me and he thinks he's fallen out of love with me. I don't know what to do. I can't bear the thought of divorce and it makes me so sad that he no longer sees me in the way that he used to. What can I do now?"

The answer to these questions depends greatly upon the circumstances and the personalities of the people who are involved. However, this is the kind of thing that your instincts will usually tell you that you can't ignore. It's typically not the best idea to hope that he didn't mean it or that things will get better on their own. This is one of those times where it is generally in your best interest to take the quick and decisive action that you can convincingly pull off. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Understanding That Your Husband Might Be Projecting Other Negative Feelings And Doubts Onto You: I know that hearing this sort of thing is devastating and it would do absolutely no good for me to advise that you don't take it personally. I do understand this as I have been in this situation before. But, I do have to tell you that people who are under stress in other areas in their lives have a tendency to project this onto those closest to them. In this case, that person appears to be you.

This doesn't necessarily mean that his words aren't at least partly true, but it also doesn't mean that they were meant as harshly as he said them. We've all had instances where we've said things in anger and then have not only greatly regretted this later, but also came to realize that we didn't mean them in the first place. Try to keep an open mind that this may also be the case here. It's very common for a husband to project his frustration about the marriage, his job, feeling misunderstood, or a multiple of other issues onto those who are easily available to him.

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Desperate Behaviors Or Behaviors That Read Negatively Are Not Typically Perceived As Attractive: I know that it's very tempting to want to take very dramatic action very quickly. You want some relief from the way that you feel right now and that's entirely understandable. But be careful with your actions and reactions. It's so understandable and so easy to want to fall back onto negative emotions. It's easy to want to engage or to argue or to even consider lashing out.

But, these behaviors will often only bring about negative emotions in him. And, as we've discussed, these negative emotions will often cloud the way that he sees you. This doesn't mean that you have to act in a way that's not genuine. But, always try to consider how you'll be perceived before you act. It certainly doesn't hurt to take a measured approach so that you're improving his perceptions rather than reenforcing them. I dialog with men in this situation on a very regular basis. And I can tell you that they almost overwhelmingly, they tell me that desperation and engaging behaviors are not considered attractive. Rather, they find confident and direct women to be a bit more appealing.

What A Husband Often Means When He Says He No Longer Finds You Attractive: I realize that husband's might find what I'm about to say debatable, but I've noticed some common trends when I discuss this topic with them. It's my opinion that what many have really fallen out of love with is the marriage and the fact that it no longer gives them the pay off that they had previously experienced and have now come to expect.

They often tell me that the happy go lucky wife who used to bring out the light hearted side of them is now gone and has been replaced with someone who is scattered, not observant, no longer as interested in them, and often withdrawn. The resentment that they can feel about this can't be overstated. And this can very much cloud how they see you and this can even contribute to all of the "finding you unattractive" talk that is going on right now.

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Changing Your Actions And Behaviors Will Often Give Even Better Results That Changing Your Looks: Many women in this situation tell me that they are considering drastic measures like a face lift or liposuction. In my experience, you will often get better results when you change where you place your attention, your focus, and your priorities.

Sometimes, showing your husband that you are listening, that you do appreciate him, that you do understand where he is coming from, and that you are willing to make some real and lasting change will often be much more effective than any physical changes you could possibly make. The truth is, women who make men feel good about themselves appear beautiful in those same men's eyes.

Sure, making changes to your appearance that make you feel good about yourself and help you to pull this off with confidence is typically a good idea. You want to be as confident as you can possibly be. But you often don't need a drastic change to get to this place. You just need to remember that the person your husband fell in love with and wanted to marry is you. Typically, you see this woman in the mirror every day without really seeing the nuances of who she is. Often, if you can bring the best parts of her back, your husband will begin to see you (both physically and emotionally) in a much different way.

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Many people can easily fall in and out of love sometimes for reasons they don't even understand. But according to the experts, there are underlying reasons for people's behavior when they're in love.

It should be understood that love, alone, does not guarantee a long lasting relationship. If you're observant enough, you would know that nowadays, it's very rare for couples to stay together for a long time or throughout their lifetime. You might even find it confusing when you find out why two people who have been in a serious relationship for several years end up not getting married and going their separate ways.

Psychologists point out that people can develop fear particularly when they get serious with an individual who's too good and decent for them and who can actually give them real love. When this happens, there's a good chance that one can fall out of love for no valid reason which can be disheartening notably for the person who's ready to stay put in the relationship.

Another factor that can make couples fall out of love is a lack of communication between them. This is particularly true when discussing problems is concerned. Relationship experts confirm that spouses tend to forget to maintain an open communication line. This means openly discussing and sharing views, emotions including problems. Avoiding the blame game is very important as well because you reduce the risk of creating a major conflict.

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Research has shown that couples who are able to discuss their issues and express their complaints experience a higher level of satisfaction in their marriage and have lower divorce rates. So regardless of how you've been married, it is always a good idea to keep an open mind and talk about your problems right away to iron out the issues. It's been said many times over how important communication is between married couples. It is this aspect that will allow you to get to know your partner better and improve your relationship moving forward.

Boredom is also another reason why a marital relationship can fall apart. But according to the experts, this is often the case of individuals who failed to fulfill their desire before and who wanted to go out of their shell at a later time when they're already married. So if you think that you know your partner too well, you just might be surprised to find out later on that you still have a lot to know.

It's normal for people to change over time and show their true self. But if you have been together for many years before you got married, you would have the opportunity to know your spouse on a deeper level and whatever changes you may observe after you tie the knot won't affect you that much anymore. Understanding your partner and knowing him or her inside out can be a lifetime process. However if you're committed to your relationship, you should not take each other for granted. Providing for each other's needs and growing together are vital if you want to make your relationship last.

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If you have been thinking of all the possible reasons why your marriage has lately been on the rocks, then you are not the first person to be utterly puzzled with this. There are so many marriages where there has been no definite incident in the course of the relationship that could have caused the marriage to fail, but the marriage might still be on the brink of a divorce. But, have you really thought about how you could have been the cause of this failure without actually knowing it?

If you are the kind of a person who has been suffering from a very low self esteem and low self confidence, this is definitely going to reflect itself into the marriage as well. If you have realized this about yourself already, this can really help save marriage in time. All you have to do actually is to help yourself and improve the confidence that you have in yourself to improve the relationship that you share with your spouse.

If this low esteem is caused by the way you look (very often this is the case) then you can easily change this, join a gym or go on a diet and lose some weight and this will instantly make you feel great about yourself and will help save marriage in time. You could even treat yourself to a spa therapy and buy yourself some new clothes. All this will add confidence in yourself and eventually improve your relationship with your spouse as well.

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Have you ever suspected your husband is a cave man?

Guess what? He is.

But I didn't mean that just figuratively, I meant it literally. He shares many of the same brain characteristics of his more primitive ancestors.

If you take a few minutes to understand some of these characteristics you have the opportunity to use them to your advantage and live with your cave man rather than fighting him.

In cave man terms survival meant two things: Mating and providing. Having the highest number of offspring meant he would be most likely to pass his genes down to future generations. Once those offspring were born, providing them (and their mother) with adequate resources allowed them to grow to maturity.

In order to have surviving offspring a man needed to produce as many offspring as possible. Thus, men evolved to be constantly thinking about mating. They developed a desire for a mate with a healthy body shape and one where the woman had a narrow waist (meaning disease free) as well as wide hips (more likely to deliver babies), clear eyes, blemish free skin, physical symmetry.

Men also developed to desire to be the only male with access to the females. The so-called "Alpha Male" had access to the most (if not all) females in the group. The lesser males were also less likely to have as many surviving offspring so the characteristics of the alpha male became more prevalent in the group over time.

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So what were these characteristics?

The desire and ability to act alone, the ability to hunt (provide), a high sex drive, appreciation of what makes a woman physically desirable.

Now, stay with me as we look at the fairer of the sex.

For a female to thrive and have offspring she had to have a mate who could provide for her during the calorie expensive period of reproduction and child rearing. She had to have as few competitors as possible (meaning being the one who could consume the most resources provided by the male.) She had to develop a place to make sure her children were safe. She had to have emotional attachment to her offspring to nurture them into reproductive maturity. Sexual frequency was not as important since she only had a few days a month where she was fertile.

What, then, did females look for in a male?

Health-clear eyes, symmetry, skin tone, blemish free. Social power and the ability to provide the most resources, which usually meant physical strength and being as close to the Alpha Male figure as possible.

Now for both of these ancient ancestors of ours these things were "hard wired."

Let's think about some modern day implication of these ideas:

When a man is alone and acting alone, his brain tells him he is safe. When someone or thing enters the picture his brain tells him it can become a threat.

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He's pretty constantly looking for new mates-even if he's made a commitment to a single mate, he's likely to be drawn to visually appealing females (which is why your man wants to go to Hooters even when he's sworn off other chicks.)

A mate and her offspring are a drain on his resources. The best way to assure the survival of his offspring is not to focus on playing catch or Barbies, but on financial success and power.

He doesn't need a deep relationship with the mate nor the children. In fact, males who focused solely on relationship will find it difficult to provide for themselves and their offspring. Expending emotional energy is likely a negative.

When your man has a problem he is less likely to go to friends-or even his mate-to help him solve it. Alpha's didn't have that luxury. He wants to solve it himself.

At the same time he is exasperated when extra non-planned drains on resourses pop up. This runs counter to his ability to provide.

How can you use this information to give you a better marriage? Well, you probably have already come up with some ideas. For more, feel free to download the rest of my book this is taken from using the link in the resource box. It's guaranteed to bring you both more happiness and fulfillment in your marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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