My Husband Wants To Leave Me But I Still Love Him: What Should You Do When Your Spouse Doesn't Want To Be Married Anymore

Marriages sometimes have problems and that's completely normal! Couples may argue every now and then. But what if your marital problems are driving you to the brink of giving up? When arguments flare up everyday, and when every decision becomes a source of conflict, should you throw in the towel and call it quits?

The rate of divorce in the US is frightening and it is steadily increasing. This means that more and more marriages get dissolved each year. And if you are experiencing marital problems today, you could become part of the statistics?

If you refuse to give up the fight but are clueless on how to save what's left of your marriage, here are two things that you need to do.

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First, make a firm and final decision that divorce should never be an option for your relationship. Divorce may be the easiest way out for many people but if you are determined to fight it out, then take that personal vow never to make it a solution to your problems.

Second, be ready to make sacrifices, and this is a really big one. If it is only you who's doing all the work in your relationship, then be ready to give without expecting anything in return. Don't go pleading or begging your partner to help you out. That will not work. Seek counsel, find out what made your marriage turn sour in the first place, and start with that. Your spouse will eventually see everything you're trying to do and will soon join you in working out your relationship.

Saying no to divorce and fighting it out is definitely not an easy choice. It may take you more time to patch things up as compared to other troubled couples. This would depend on the kind of marital problem that you are in. But if you think that your marriage is worth saving, then there should be no hesitation on your part to do everything you can to keep it together.

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If you were to ask my family and very close friends to describe me, they will say that I am orderly and organized, that I take my job very seriously, that I am self-sufficient, and that I am a busy person. These character traits have been with me for a very long time and have become my trademark.

Although these characteristics are good and noble, they have also led to a lot of stress in my life, not to mention certain attitudes and behaviors that exhibit pride, control, and impatience. The very strengths that I had also became my worst weaknesses. Honestly, I didn't realize this until God started exposing it in my own marriage.

You see, God is a gentle God and He is a God of process. He exposes our weaknesses to us based on our level of maturity in Him, the season that He has placed us in, and what He is trying to do at that specific time. In my case, those strengths may have been good for the past seasons prior to my marriage. They were necessary to accomplish what God has called me to do for that specific time.

Let me make this clearer. God kept me very busy for Him in ministry all those years prior to my marriage. He did this to keep me focused on Him and so as not to be easily distracted by men, or dating, or getting married. As a matter of fact, my being very busy in ministry protected me from men. I remember even having a very strict busy schedule when my man finally came to the Philippines to claim for me. I was doing Bible studies and preaching engagements while he was trying to spend time with me and get to know me. Looking back, I can see how rigid I have become, but as I've said, it was necessary for that season.

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God surely knew what He was doing when He chose my man for me. He knew this was the only way He can break these acquired habits, more so because I didn't really see them as bad habits. A few days after I was married, I was shocked to see my husband's pile of unfolded clothes in the bedroom. This was just the beginning of my training to break free from rigidity, and as my friend reminded me: "not to sweat those small stuff."

I remember another incident that God used to open my eyes. I drove home from the grocery one day and before I parked the car I called my husband's phone to let him know that I was already home and also because I was expecting him to help me. I didn't know that he had a guest and that he was ministering to this man. I kept calling him because he was not answering the phone. When his guest left, he confronted me about my phone call. I got very defensive and hurt with his reaction and it became a full-blown argument that left me very mad and grieved. Then God started showing me what my problem was.

I was a middle-class professional in the Philippines. I had maids and a driver. I also had a business with workers under me. And even when I was already in full-time ministry, I've always had people under me. I was also a single mom to two boys and was solely responsible for them. So what do these have to do with my phone call to my husband? A lot!

First of all, I used to have a maid and a driver bringing all my grocery bags from my car to the house. Next, I got used to giving orders to people, telling them what to do and where to put stuff. Thus, it was second nature to me to expect my husband to help me and for him to come out when I needed him -- at that very moment. After God showed this to me, He said, "Your husband is not your driver; he is not your maid; and he is not your child. You don't tell him what to do. You don't control him." That was a painful realization that definitely changed me.

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God, through my marriage, also taught me to be more flexible. It's not that I was not a flexible person. It's just that with the so many responsibilities I had in the past, I needed a rigid schedule. My past schedule (prior to my marriage) looked something like this:

5am - 7am - Quiet Time, Prepare kids for school
7am - 7:30am - Running
7:30am - 8am - Breakfast
8am - 9am - Prepare for work/ministry
9am - Leave the house for work/ministry
10am onwards - Meetings, Work, ministry
(This can extend till 8 or even 9pm)

Other than all these, I had my two sons, family members, and friends I had to spend time with, some disciples I had to minister to, a ministry I was in-charge of, fund raisings, networking, etc. etc. etc. If I didn't have a rigid schedule, I would not have done what God assigned me to do.

However, I know that you will agree with me if I say that it is hard to break certain habits. I can easily get into work mode and get all serious about what I need to accomplish. I can get all uptight with schedules. God had all these in mind which was why He gave me a husband who can just go about his day without any schedule at all. I remember waking up one day with my whole schedule planned out. Then my husband told me that we were leaving in 30 minutes. I needed to take a shower, read my Bible, drink my coffee, fix the bed, check my emails, can I do all these in 30 minutes? Believe me, this happened not only once and it continues to happen until now. While it used to stress me out, I am so adjusted now. I can get ready so quick and I have figured out ways I can look fresh without taking a shower. I am not joking here. I couldn't even go anywhere before without taking a shower first and blow drying my hair. I used to have my wardrobe planned out for the whole week. It's totally different now. My marriage has changed me!

My marriage has taught me to go with the flow, to rest and relax, to lay my life down for someone, and to be selfless. It has stretched my patience, increased my need for God's grace, and has made me surrender to God more than ever.

Marriage is the best training ground for love. It is the most perfect healing ground. It is the best place to apply God's Word.

How about you? How has your marriage changed you? How does it continue to change you? Think about how God is using your marriage to produce in you what He wants from you. If you don't see it clearly, ask God to show you, and start thanking Him for this beautiful gift.

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What men want in a woman is someone who is the motherly type. This isn't because all men have an Oedipus Complex (I'm kidding), it's because men unconsciously look for a woman who is nurturing for a number of reasons. One of the reasons goes back to the desire to have a wife who is going to be a good mother to their children, but there are two other reasons that are worth mentioning. Most women aren't aware of these two reasons, even though they normally exhibit the behavior that supports these reasons every day. Let's discuss why we men like the motherly type.

1. Mother of our children

Men are biologically wired to reproduce and further their own generation in a woman. This woman has to be healthy so that the children she bears are also healthy and strong.

Whether us men like it or not, we also like choosing women who are like our mothers. We grow up being raised to be comfortable with our mother's style of rearing children.

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2. Multitasking Queen

Mothers typically are masters of multitasking. They have to raise kids, keep the family happy, have a career and most importantly, look after themselves. Us men would be nothing without a woman who can multitask, since we can't even breathe and eat at the same time.

This probably isn't a characteristic of a mother that you would first thing of being associated with being a mother, but we all know that it's important. Us men don't only find it attractive, we rely on it, heavily.

3. Strength

It's not easy being a mother. Women always get the short end of the straw. From the moment the child is conceived to the moment that they graduate from college, the mother plays a more dominant role in the family than the father does.

Men are attracted to women who are strong and if they are the motherly type, they probably have what it takes to be a good wife to us. As much as us guys like to embrace our role as the strong person in the relationship, we do actually rely a lot on women to be strong.

What men want in a woman is someone who is going to be a good mother in the future. Anyone who's had a mother would know that she's one of the strongest people they know and a great multi-tasker, important qualities that help a man make sense of his own life.

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Whenever we find ourselves getting upset with someone, it is because of a rules violation. A rule is an expectation that we have placed on someone else. If our husband comes home late for dinner without calling and we get upset, it is because he broke our rule of not calling. When someone breaks our rules and we get upset, it is important to ask ourselves if the other person was aware of our rules. Maybe it was our own rule that we have in our head that no one else even knows about. Even if we assume they should know what our rules are, they may not.

Have you ever told your husband specifically that you would appreciate a call if he was going to be late for dinner? He may have grown up in a home where his mom didn't care if his dad was late for dinner, so your husband's rule is that he does not need to call if he is going to be late. He was not aware that he was breaking your rule.

Another way to say this is, if we get upset with someone, it is because we had a certain expectation of them and they did not live up to it. Sometimes our expectations are unrealistic. If we want someone to do something for us and they do not, maybe our expectations were too much, or maybe the other person did not know what our expectations were, because we never told them. We just assumed they should know without us asking.

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When there is an upset, ask ourselves, "What rule has been violated and have I communicated my rule or expectations in a way that clarifies what I need from them?" If your rule is unrealistic and you want a relationship with this person, then it would probably be a good idea to change your rule. If your rule is, "My spouse should make me happy," and you find yourself unhappy, your rule is probably unrealistic. No one can make us happy, we are responsible for that, whether we want to be or not.

Rules can be spoken or unspoken and a lot of times we do not even know what our rules are. We just know we are upset and we blame the other person. If they are unaware of our rules then taking responsibility for our upset is important, if we want to build a trusting relationship. Communication is the best tool for resolving rule violations. Explore and think about what your rules are for different situations and find out what other people's rules are so there are less upsets in your relationships.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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