My Husband Won't Say Why He Wants A Divorce: Why Would A Husband Refuse To Say Why He Wants A Divorce

You have probably put a lot of time, feelings, commitment, and hard work into your marriage, and now it seems like every thing you've put into it is going to waste. A divorce is something that most married couple don't want, but it can be hard to avoid it sometimes.

The good news is, if one spouse is still interested in stopping the divorce and saving the marriage, then there is a chance it can be done. Take a look at how you can stop a divorce in 5 steps.

- The first and most important step to stop a divorce is to invest time into your marriage. Take time away from your children, hobbies, work, friends, and other distractions.

This step is crucial because spending more time with one another is the one way you're going to bring back the love in your relationship, and without love you can't have a marriage.

- The next step to stop a divorce involves getting rid of patterns in your relationship that are unhealthy. You didn't get your marriage in the position it's in by following the right patterns. It's time to examine your marriage and recognize the patterns that may be causing your relationship with your spouse to struggle.

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Once you realize what these negative patterns are you must remove them from your relationship and develop new patterns that will better your relationship.

- The next step is very important, as this step involves restoring the emotional connection with your spouse. You need to bring back the marital connection you and your spouse once had and the only way to do that is to nurture the feelings of connection with compassion and love.

- You must learn how to avoid conflict the best way you can, which is the next step. Don't expect to stop your divorce if you continue to fight and argue with your spouse on a regular basis.

Fighting only leads to more fighting, resentment, and tension. Practice prevention of conflict and learn how to be the first one to apologize and avoid putting the blame on your spouse in a disagreement.

- Finally, the last step involves being responsible for your flaws and wrong actions. Try to learn and understand what you're doing to contribute to the problems. Taking ownership for your wrong doing is an important step to rescuing your marriage.

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With almost half of all marriages ending in divorce, it causes a person to wonder why marriages fail. There are several causes but one reason is from lack of commitment in one or both spouses. With it being so easy to get a divorce, many couples feel that it is easier to just end the relationship instead of trying to save the marriage.

Let's face it. Marriage does take an effort to continue growing the relationship. It is like a beautiful plant you fell in love with at a nursery. When you decided you wanted the plant, you made a commitment to bring the plant home, love and nurture it to help it grow to it's full potential. But what happens when you start to slide in the care of the plant and do not bother to water it or provide the necessary environment it needs? The plant fails to thrive and eventually will wither and die.

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Marriage is like that plant in that you need to nurture the relationship with your spouse. Your other half needs your love and attention in order for the both of you to flourish. When that has been removed, the situation worsens and the marriage withers and dies.

The vows you made to each other on your wedding day were a commitment to each other . On that special day, it is probable that neither one of you thought you would break your vows. But when problems arise, it can sometimes seem easier to just not even try anymore. However, if you want to save your marriage, you need to remember your vows and stay committed to each other and your relationship.

Remember your vows "for better or worse," and work through your issues together. Stay committed to each other and find out what needs to be done to save your marriage. If your marriage is suffering from problems, also keep in mind there is help available and you can salvage your relationship.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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One of the biggest battles that women face is their emotions. Men will never understand women in this arena. You have to be a woman to know exactly how it feels. Being emotional is not just the issue here. It's all about how women's brains are wired. They are very analytical and want everything explained. This is the reason why they can't just brush things off.

My being a woman is the reason why I am even writing this article. If not for my emotions and my analytical nature, I wouldn't have discovered the reason for my doubts over my husband's love for me. It is my being a woman that even helps me process everything that I am learning, which is benefiting my marriage a lot, and of course, which pleases God.

I want to share something with you about my marriage, something that I know a lot of women are going through. I want to share this not just to the wives, but to the husbands, so that they can understand their wives and even themselves better. I want to share this to single men and women, as well, so they will be better prepared for their future marriage.

If there is one great thing that endears me to my husband, it is his constant "I love you(s)" that I don't get tired of hearing. He says it almost every hour, and even several times in an hour. He says it when we go to bed at night, when we wake up in the morning, when I walk past him, when he calls me up on the phone, and in so many different instances. There are more than a million reasons for me to feel so confident of my husband's love. Yet there are times when I doubt this love, times when I ask myself, "Does he really mean it when he says he loves me?"

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These feelings of doubt occur when... he is with other guys and he seems oblivious of my presence, when he gets so engrossed with what he is doing and he is not paying attention to me, when I talk to him and his mind is somewhere else, when I try to express myself to him and he doesn't even have the patience to listen, more so to understand where I'm coming from.

I remember one incident when I tried expressing to him my doubts. He assured me of his love by showing me some physical love. He kept saying, "I love you". At that moment, I was still hurting, and I couldn't even respond to his physical touch. Since I didn't want to hurt him, I just went with the flow. As a result, I got hurt more.

For a while I couldn't explain what was going on inside of me. I felt there were two voices battling with each other in my head that went like this... "How can he just shift from being so sweet to me to ignoring me just because he has his friends here"? "Come on, Lisa, he is entitled to have his friends over. Besides, he is not doing anything bad. You are just jealous". "I am not jealous. I just don't understand". "Admit it, you are just so hungry for his love and attention all the time". "No, I'm not"!

Since I couldn't explain what was going on and what I was going through, I kept everything to myself, thinking it was the best way to deal with it. On the contrary, it created in me a feeling of detachment from my husband, which led to more feelings of doubt and uncertainty. I tried processing all these emotions and prayed for God to reveal things more clearly to me. Not long after, I discovered Gary Chapman's "Love Languages". God surely used this man, through his book, to help me understand myself and my husband better.

According to Dr. Chapman, there are five different emotional Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Each person has his own love language. It can be a combination of two. This love language is a person's way of expressing love and also appreciating and understanding love.

I took the test and I convinced my husband to take it as well. This gave me a clearer understanding of our similarities and differences when it comes to giving and receiving love for each other. I ranked highest in quality time and next in words of affirmation, my husband ranked highest in both words of affirmation and physical touch.

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Now let me explain the meaning of these scores in relation to what I have already expressed in this article.

So there I was, doubting my husband's love just because he was spending time with his friends or he was not paying attention to me. My feelings were valid. Since my love language is quality time, this was what my heart and my mind were familiar with as a means of expressing love. This justifies why I doubted my husband's love when he wasn't spending quality time with me, or when he wasn't paying attention to me.

On the other hand, my husband's misunderstanding of my doubts was very clear. Since his love language is words of affirmation, he knows that his constant expression of "I love you" to me is a clear sign of his love. No wonder he says that I am unappreciative when I doubt his love. And because his other love language is physical love (which is very common in men, by the way), he thinks that by expressing his love physically to me, he can further assure me of his love.

From this love language, I realized that even our concept of God's love is based on our love language. I've always been very intimate with God. My way of expressing my love to Him is by spending quality time with Him, undivided, just Him and me. Truly, God knows our love languages fully well which is why He expresses His love to us in this love language.

This brings to my mind that just like my Father, I should love my husband in his love language. Instead of me expecting my husband to give me quality time, I should give him more words of affirmation and physical touch, since those are his love languages. It is not so much for me but for him. Love is not self-seeking, as 1 Corinthians 13 says.

1 Cor. 13 also says that Love is kind. I can express this kindness to my husband in his love language. I should affirm him not only of my love for him but of how good he is as a husband to me. I should speak encouraging words to him every day.

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How about you? What is your love language? What is your spouse's love language? If you still don't know, I suggest that you find out. Dr. Chapman's Love Language book is available in bookstores, libraries, and on the internet.

My purpose for this article is not to promote Dr. Chapman's book, but to share with you how amazing God is for using our own hurts and frustrations to lead us higher into His love.

So if you are going through something difficult in your marriage right now, use it as an opportunity to draw closer to God and for Him to reveal His ways to you. Don't just brush off your feelings or give up on your situation. In the first place, God is allowing you to go through that so He can increase your capacity to love as you conform to His standard of love.

And if you are single and waiting to be married, learn from what I am sharing with you. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. You and your future spouse are two different people with different sets of issues. Once you come together, all these issues are brought into the marriage. Your waiting time is a time of preparation for this kind of life and commitment, a relationship that should be founded on, and sustained through God's love.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Lastly, what men want is a woman who isn't going to be terse and uptight. Since the guy is usually the one who's uptight, the woman has to be the one who unwinds them and helps them relax. Are you easy going? If you're not, your man could be more attracted to women who help them laugh off their troubles. Here's how to secure your man by being easy going.

You can secure your man by not thinking about securing him at all. That sounds a bit counter-intuitive, so let me explain. Whatever you chase, it's always harder to get. If you're hell-bent on getting together with a particular guy, you have to make sure that the air of desperation doesn't hover around you.

Regardless of the gender, people can tell if someone's desperate and just like in one of my previous "What Men Want's", you have to realize that chasing your man will drive him further away from you. To ultimately get the man to chase you, you have to let go of him.

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Don't be scared, though. This is something exciting that you can do to give yourself a break. He will come back fresh, but so will you. These are three things that you can do again that might not have been able to do since your husband was around:

1. Girl's night: whatever you used to do with your girlfriends, you shouldn't stop doing it after you get married. Your friends are what make who you are.

2. Hang out with male friends: this isn't for everyone, especially if your husband is the jealous type, but why should you stop chilling with male friends when you're married? They're your friends as well. And if you do it, make sure to let your man know that he can do it too. That way, it's fair and you both feel the healthy jealousy coursing through you.

3. Spend time alone: this is a healthy thing to do that should be done every now and then. It just allows you to reconnect with yourself and to get some inner peace.

They do say, "if you love someone, set them free", right? That's pretty much the premise of the this point. It's not the end of the world if he doesn't choose you. As soon as you truly believe that, you'll come to appreciate every, single, living moment you share with him and how it could be your last. That vibe will resonate with him. He'll literally feel it.

And that, will make him want to choose you to be his wife and to live with you for the rest of his life.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com