My Husband Won't Stop Seeing The Other Woman: My Husband Prefers Sex With The Other Woman

One of the biggest issues to overcome after your husband has an affair is your insecurities about sex. In the best case scenario, your husband assures you that the sex with the other woman wasn't as great as the sex he has with you.

In the worst case scenario, your husband is clear that he preferred sex with the other woman. This can be a real problem when you have both committed to save your marriage. Because no matter how much you may want to move on, anyone would be insecure about their sexuality with this ugly knowledge.

Here's what I mean. You might hear: "I truly want to make my marriage work, despite the fact that my husband cheated on me. But I just can't stop focusing on the fact that the sex between them was clearly the draw. One day, my husband and I were at counseling and this topic came up. My husband didn't say anything at first. But when pressed, he blurted out how great the sex was. I couldn't stop myself from asking 'better than sex with me?' And my husband's reply was 'yes, much better, to be honest.' Ever since then, we have regressed in terms of our progress. I don't want to have sex with my husband now because I am self conscious and I know that he is comparing the two. I am not sure that I can move past this. I am always going to feel second best. Some days, I feel like ending this marriage so that I can eventually find a man who thinks that sex with me is the best and all that he wants. But then I think about my children. And I can't do it. So I have committed to this marriage, but I don't know how to move past this."

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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I know that this is painful and hard. And I also know that your inclination might be to try harder, to make yourself what you think your husband finds sexy and seduce your husband and to try to beat her at her own game. While this is understandable, when it goes wrong, it can be devastating. And there are many reasons that it can go wrong. You may not be ready to go there yet. Or perhaps you haven't yet worked through the awkwardness or you haven't gotten to the emotional level where good sex is possible. Trying and then having it go wrong is damaging. Rather than forcing it, I think that there is a better way. And I'll discuss it more below.

Focus On Healing Your Emotions First: I know that this may seem backward. I know that you may feel pressured to have good sex. So placing your focus elsewhere feels like you are only delaying things. But I firmly believe from my own experience and hearing from others that it's very hard to have good sex when there is mistrust or issues still between you. It's amazing that when you start to heal and have made indisputable progress on your marriage, almost like magic, the sexual chemistry and desire returns. It is very hard to have one without the other unless you're going to fake it, which is never advisable. Wives often worry how their husband will take the delay. Sometimes, you might be surprised to find that this actually increases his desire because it's forbidden for now. You don't want to present this like it's a punishment or like you can't have great sex. You just want to present it as it's the natural progression of things, which is going to give you the best chance to save your marriage. Your counselor can likely help you with this.

Learn Some New Skills To Boost Your Confidence: Frankly, I have heard from many men on this topic and most of them agree that confidence and enthusiasm are sexy. It's very hard to have great sex when you don't believe it's possible or when you fear that he really doesn't want to be there. You have to know that he wants to be there. You need to feel that he's lucky to be with you.

Quite honestly, I have come to believe that good sex is a skill that you can learn just like being a good cook. Like anything else, it takes practice, but it can be honed. There are techniques and tricks you can pick up that might shock and delight your husband. And make it so that you no longer worry that he is comparing the two of you. Because it will be obvious that he is right where he wants to be. And as this happens, your confidence will increase and things will get better and better. This cycle feeds on itself and that is to your benefit.

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"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need"

- The Rolling Stones

How do you get what you need in your own relationship?

Here are four keys to getting what you need in your own marriage.
Recognize He already loves you

He chose you. He chose to live with you, to have children with you to be sexually faithful to you. Recognizing he already loves you will allow you to communicate your needs to him without threat and with confidence.

Once you understand and accept he loves you then you will realize he wants a successful marriage with you as much as you want one with him. While he may not be wired to put the same attention into relationships you do, he is just as concerned in his own way.

Don't Manipulate, Communicate

In order to get your own needs met you may have to do what might be a dangerous thing for you: You might have to tell him what you need and exactly when you need it.

If you've been married any time at all you've probably encountered a rough spot where all you wanted was for him to hold you. Or tell you he loved you. Or both.

But you also wanted him to do it without you asking. You wanted him to have this spontaneous feeling of love and hold you and tell you he loves you without you having to ask.

Once you accept without question that he loves you, you can ask him for what you need. If you need him to hold you, ask him. In you need to hear him say he loves you, ask him. I know, I know...on the movies the hero always knows just what to say, what to hold on to.

But we aren't in the movies.

(If you want proof the movies are fake, think about this: when was the last time you saw a romantic movie where one of the partners farted during sex? Exactly.)

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Now a cool thing is probably going to happen once you start telling your spouse when you need a hug--he'll figure it out. He'll figure out those times you need to be hugged or told you are loved. And he will, eventually, like a rat put into the same maze day after day, figure out how to find your love cheese.

So how do you communicate and bypass his inner cave creature?

First, assume the best. Remember he loves you so he would never knowingly say or do something just to hurt you.

Second, always remember he will learn eventually. Don't remind him of how many times he's messed up in the past--those were all practice--keep telling yourself he's about to get it right.

Here's a fill in the blank script to use when you need to let cro-magnon know he messed something up:

"I know you didn't mean to," see this is assuming the best--he didn't mean to do whatever he did to hurt you, "but when you ___________________ ed, it hurt my feelings because __________________________ ."

Then shut up. See what he says, what he does. Understand he has to trust you first--this isn't something you try in the very first day, wait until you have worked through the chapters before this. He's got to see you as a partner, not a threat.

When you master the art of non-threatening communication, my little grasshopper, you will ready to enter the realm of wedded bliss.

Partner with Him, Not the Kids

As you work to help your man become all the man he can be, there will be times of trial. Just when you think he's getting it, he'll totally blow it. You'll ask for support and he won't get it. He'll get you Oil of Olay for your 40th birthday.

You will be hurt, disappointed and maybe a little angry.

In times like this you may be tempted to focus on being a mommy rather than a wife. After all, the kids love you. The kids don't give you any grief. The kids do what you want them to do.

So when hubby isn't particularly appealing it may be tempting to put all of your attention on the kids. Letting Suzy sleep in the bed tonight will avoid that awkward sex argument. Spending all your time working for the PTA will avoid having to face the non-conversations you are not having with hubby.

It's tempting.

But if you want to have the marriage of your dreams you can't give in to the temptation. Your husband is going to come around, you just have to consistently remind him--in non-threatening ways--just how to fulfill your needs.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Your kids will benefit from having two parents who are in love with each other, demonstrate it openly and appropriately and can teach them by example how to have a solid relationship with another person.

But there is just one more thing you need to do to help your husband meet your needs. But be warned, it's a little adult.

Learn Sexual Skills

I am not saying learn new acrobatic sexual tricks that will cause his head to spin with unrestrained passion. (Though if you come up with any good ideas I can pass along to my wife, let me know!)

What I am saying is you need sexual confidence. Knowing you can please your man sexually is a very powerful position. A man will do almost anything for a woman who shows she is sexually confident.

You need to focus on learning what will please your husband and providing him sexually with the things he enjoys. Why do you want to provide him sexual pleasure? Because, just like generations of women before you, you will get everything you want if you learn to please your husband sexually.

As I have said elsewhere, the way to a man's heart is through the bedroom, not the kitchen.

Every man you know has certain fantasies and desires. So do you. Being able to fulfill his fantasies is a solid key to getting everything else you want--even your own fantasies fulfilled.

It's worth the effort.

So how can you get what you want from your man? Remember he loves you, communicate in non-threatening ways, partner with him and practice an active sex life. These four things will get you on the right track to a successful, happy marriage.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

Save your marriage now and visit Save The Marriage

In life, people make mistakes. Even the married couples are not spared because marriage is not all smooth sailing as in any other relationship. And so we hear stories about how two people fall in love with each other, eventually get into a serious relationship, get married until they find themselves in serious conflict with each other after a few months or years. The worse that can happen is they separate and decide to get a divorce.

Being in a relationship is not that easy. And sometimes when the people involved make mistakes, the relationship can be adversely affected. It's the same thing with marriage. When spouses commit mistakes and they fail to settle their issues, they can become unhappy and decide to quit. Separating, however, can be devastating particularly if the husband and wife have already invested years of emotions, love and security in their marriage.

It would be a good idea then to learn what these common mistakes are so you can avoid them. This is whether you're married now or are still planning to tie the knot in the coming weeks or months.

One of these relationship mistakes is being dishonest to your partner. If you're not open with your other half about who you really area, don't expect him or her to be honest with you as well. When you get married, eventually you'll get to know your spouse on a deeper level as you live together through the years. So right from the start, it's best to be just your natural self with no pretensions.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Not sharing your sentiments with your significant other is another thing. While this is common among men, women are guilty of this as well. Men often tend to keep to themselves when they are having emotional problems. Perhaps it's their nature to close themselves off so people and especially their wives won't think that they're weak just because they're crying or sulking. Society believes that boys don't cry the reason why they don't have to show their weak side.

But this should not be so. Keep in mind that you and your partner made a vow to stick together through good times and bad. As such, your other half needs to know as well what you're going through. So don't be ashamed to share whatever emotions you're feeling as this could actually make you closer together. Whether it's about work, family or friends that bother you, be open about it.

Still another mistake to avoid is neglecting yourself. Yes, you may be married to the person of your dreams but it doesn't mean that you'll have to take yourself for granted. What this means is you have to maintain your old friendships, your hobbies and interests. Remember that you have your own individual personality before you tied the knot and that doesn't have to change.

Whatever hobby or sport you're into, you can continue doing it and you don't have to force your spouse to engage in it. Allowing yourself to do this will give you more confidence, strength and security as an individual.

If you're able to avoid these mistakes, you have a greater chance of enjoying a satisfying marriage moving forward.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Author's Bio: 

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