My Sexless Marriage Is Killing Me: No Intimacy In Marriage From Husband

Many men and also women find themselves frustrated and unloved in a sexless marriage that can go on for years. This may not mean a total lack of sex but when it becomes once a month if you are lucky and each time it seems to be a hassle for your partner and hardly satisfying you know your marriage is in trouble.

If this is the case then you need to take some action before things get worse, plenty of marriage counselors have proof that a growing lack of sexual intimacy often leads to a lack of intimacy and connectedness in general in a long term relationship which can lead to infidelity and divorce which can be a terrible thing especially when children are involved.

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You can however take action to fix your sexless marriage even if you think your partner does not listen to anything you are saying when you communicate about this problem because as the old saying goes actions speak louder than words. This means you need to do more than just have a date night as some people might suggest though and it is not always easy to find the right action to take!

Basically most sexless marriage occur from your partners dissatisfaction with something within your marriage, this does NOT mean it is your fault often it is completely their issue and sometimes it is a shared thing but uncovering this problem is the key to taking action to fix it. This is also a long term process, do not think that helping around the house a few times will turn their mind immediately to lusty thoughts but a continuous effort on the parts of your marriage that may be lacking in respect or equality is a very common solution.

A good way to start is to think back to when you were first together, when the sex was amazing and frequent and think back to what you originally loved about each other. What did your spouse always love about you and what turned you on about them. These early days are a good indication of what initially attracted you to each other and reclaiming that old spark with actions based around it along with actions that may help your more recent marital issues is the combo you may need to fix your sexless marriage.

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After my marriage nearly ended in divorce a few years back I wanted to offer people some "save your marriage advice." It was important to be able to provide some help to those who are asking "how do you save your marriage when your spouse isn't trying?" What I am about to share with you I learned after a lot of trial and error. I made a lot of mistakes. I believe I can help you avoid the mistakes I made and offer you a valuable resource for having the marriage you've always wanted with your spouse.

Keeping a troubled marriage together can be very difficult for two people. It is an even greater challenge when only one partner is interested in saving the marriage. That was exactly the position I once found myself in when my wife told me we were through and she wanted a divorce. The hurt and betrayal I felt when she said that to me is hard to even describe. On top of that she said she didn't love me anymore and thought it would be best if I moved out!

If you have had even close to an experience like that in your own marriage then you probably understand what I was feeling. Funny thing was, I still loved her and wanted to save our marriage. But how do you save your marriage when your spouse isn't interested? Obviously I had no idea, but I tried anyway. Unfortunately, everything I did seemed to make the problem worse and my wife seemed even more convinced that she was doing the right thing.

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I was about as sad and emotionally spent as I could be and had practically given up when I made a discovery that began to change everything. It turned out that my best efforts to save my marriage had been nearly the complete opposite of what I should have been doing all along. Instead of reaching out to my wife in what could now only be described as clingy desperation, I should have stepped back and given her plenty of space. I realize now that the more I was pushing, the more she was pulling away.

I know now that I should have acted more confident, calm and nonchalant about her attitude towards me. I shouldn't have kept apologizing and making promises to change. I shouldn't have kept calling her at work. And I should not have tried relentlessly to talk her out of the breakup by begging and pleading with her. I discovered that my words and actions had the complete opposite effect when I completely changed my approach. When I began to take new and different action, the dynamics of the relationship began to change almost magically.

Thank God I discovered these secrets when I did because time is critical when a marriage is in a serious crisis like mine was. How do you save your marriage when your spouse isn't trying? You can save your marriage by following the advice of those who have survived the hell you are going through now and know the way out.

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The most romantic conversation that you will have with your spouse is certainly not the conversation when you discuss the family finances. Not only are such conversations not romantic, they tend to be pretty grueling! A lot of couples try to avoid talking about their family finances like they avoid the Asian flu, however this is a huge mistake and can even be fatal! Did you know that one of the major causes of marriage strife and divorce revolves around the way the money in the house is handled (or not handled)? Just closing your eyes and wishing that things will work out won't help to solve the problem. In this article I am going discuss a few ways to reduce the pain and anguish of when making a family budget.

1. Don't blame your partner for everything. No matter how much it seems to you that the other one is responsible for your family's financial mess, when you think about it, they are not SOLELY to blame; you also have at least a little to do with it. For instance, if you feel that your partner has been spending money carelessly for a long time why didn't you speak up beforehand in a way that they can hear? People tend to perceive silence as acceptance. Look deep into yourself to see if there are things on which you spend more money than your spouse feels is necessary? One of the benefits of admitting that you are also at least a little part of the problem is that the other party won't feel like they are being attacked, they won't become defensive and your discussion of family finances will be civil.

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2. Be future oriented. However you got into the problem isn't what is important. The major problem that you face is how to get out of your financial mess and stay out of it. It is true that you can't ignore how the problem developed in order to take precautions that it won't repeat itself. However your main focus has to be how to straighten your present sad state of your family finances.

3. Respect your partner and let them speak. Your purpose for holding this conversation is to straighten out your family finances and NOT to show off how smart you are. Therefore let your partner give their take on the situation and don't jump on whatever they say. In addition to this, the way people handle money is often times rooted in a persons upbringing and for them to change their habits could be very difficult emotionally. Be sensitive to this and give them the time and space to work these feelings out.

True, ultimately conversations about family finances are tough and emotion loaded. However, when you get your finances in line you will be able to enjoy many happy, romantic, and good times together.

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I sometimes hear from wives who are worried that they have become invisible to their husbands while they are on a trial separation. They often never wanted the separation in the first place, but they tried to keep a positive outlook and hope that, if it didn't improve things, they might not have been as bad as the wives had previously thought. But unfortunately, this doesn't turn out to be the case when the husband distances himself or makes himself scarce. The wife will often try to reach out or to remind him of their marriage. And this doesn't always have the desired results.

Common comments are things like: "I think my husband would like to pretend like he doesn't have a wife or a marriage. He promised that we would be in touch regularly and now he pretty much dodges my calls. If I come by, he says he was just on his way out. If I suggest we get together, he says he needs some time before we start meeting regularly. It's as if he can't stand to talk to or see me for more than five minutes. When I act like my normal self, it's as if he thinks it's perfectly fine to ignore me or to put me on the back burner. I don't know how to get his attention. I have considered getting angry and just demanding his attention by acting in ways that are not typical of me but I'm not sure how he would react. I've even thought about trying to flirt with him but that is almost laughable right now. I've considered sharing a crisis that concerns my parents just so I will feel like we are partners again. How can I get his attention? I want to feel like his spouse again and that I am worthy of his attention."

I understood this wife's plight. There was a time when I wondered if my husband knew that I existed when we were separated. And frankly, if he knew I existed, I almost think he wished that I didn't. I know that it is tempting to want to do something really dramatic so that he absolutely has to pay attention to you. But what you need to realize (and what I learned the hard way) is that having the wrong kind of attention can make things worse and can make you wish that you never sought out the attention in the first place.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

So while I understand exactly why you feel that you need and want attention, I would urge you to think carefully about how you go about it. The strategy that any attention is good attention is very risky. In fact, negative attention will often damage the situation even more. I feel that there is definitely a right and a wrong way to go about this which I will discuss now.

Sometimes, You Will Get More Attention From Him When It Appears That You Aren't Really Trying: I learned first hand that sometimes your husband will give you his attention when it appears that you are not seeking it out. When my separation became so volatile that my husband had lost all patience with me, I went to my old home which was hours away. I stopped bugging, calling, texting and reaching out to my husband. In short, I stopped trying to get him to pay attention to me because I was afraid that I would do something that I might later regret. And at that point, my marriage could not have withstood more drama. But it was at this time, when I was least trying to seek out attention that he actually began to give me more of it. And I find that this happens a lot. When you stop trying so hard, you'll find that his curiosity rises.

If You're Going To Do Things To Seek Out Attention, Make Sure That These Things Elicit Positive Reactions Rather Than Negative Ones: I know that it's very tempting to pick a fight to make him react to you. I suspect you've thought about trying to make him jealous or guilty. But none of these strategies make him feel genuine affection or longing for you, which is the real goal. You probably don't really want his pity or his anger. You just want a reaction.

So I would suggest that if you're going to try something new to inspire his interest, then you make sure that it is something positive. Perhaps you'd like to take a class, lose some weight or improve your appearance in some way. Maybe you'd like to take up old hobbies that used to make you happy. Whatever you chose to do, make sure that you chose to do this for yourself and not for him. Because anything that you do must be incredibly genuine or he will immediately discount what you are doing. You do not want to appear to be desperate or attention seeking. Instead, you want for it to appear that you are coping as best as you can and are trying to improve your life.

So to answer the question posed, I would suggest considering stopping all of the obvious attempts to get a reaction. Often, this pause will get his attention more effectively than anything else without any negative results. And if you do make any changes with the hopes that he will notice, then make sure that the goal is a positive reaction instead of a negative one.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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