When To Stop Trying To Save Your Marriage: When Do You Know Your Marriage Is Over

When you're in the middle of a troubled marriage, it can be very easy to start seeking out the signs a marriage is over. This is because all the fighting, arguing, yelling, screaming, guilt, and everything else that goes along with a troubled marriage can become seriously overwhelming.

I was in the same position not long ago in my life, and I was searching for all the reasons that my marriage was over.

My marriage had gotten so bad that my wife and I had even gotten past the screaming and yelling. We got to the point of having so much resentment that we were hardly even talking to each other unless it was necessary.

This was having an effect on not only our lives but also my children's lives. So naturally I started thinking that all the signs a marriage is over were there. But one day I read something profound that made me realize that maybe I was asking the wrong questions and looking for the wrong signs.

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I realized that instead of looking for the signs that my marriage was over that maybe I should be asking myself for the signs of a marriage that could be saved. It was a paradigm shift that I HAD to go through in order to see that side.

You may be reading this looking for the signs that a marriage is over yourself. But have you actually asked yourself about the signs that your marriage is worth saving? How far in that direction have you searched?

Here's the signs that a marriage is over!

When there is physical or emotional abuse in the relationship. When there is a constant cheating that isn't being dealt with. These are significant signs that should not leave a doubt in your mind. That marriage is and should be over.

Other than that, if none of those are prevalent then there might be a good chance that you should start looking for signs that your marriage can be saved.

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"Is my marriage really over?" That statement is almost always said with some sadness. Seeing your primary relationship coming apart at the seams is heart wrenching. All the years you and your spouse invested in one another can be nullified with just one rash decision. If your partner has suggested the idea of divorcing, or if they've even gone so far as to file to end your marriage, don't give up just yet. Many couples come back from the brink of marital disaster to go on to have very strong, committed and fulfilling relationships.

The only way your marriage can truly be over is if you accept that it is. If you believe that there is any glimmer of hope for you and your spouse to reconcile, you shouldn't walk away from the relationship. It's obviously more challenging if your spouse has little interest in working on repairing things, but it's not impossible.

One of the first things you must do if you want to stop your divorce is convey that message to your spouse in a very calm way. You have to show your partner that you're emotionally mature and able to handle something as traumatic as this. Have a list of reasons at the ready for why you aren't going to move forward with the divorce at this time. It's always a good idea to suggest a trial separation in place of a divorce for now. That allows you both the time you need to consider what you want and need in terms of the future.

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Communication is obviously paramount to solving your relationship problems but it's not as easy as sitting down and talking through things. You have likely tried that in the past and maybe it resulted in a lot of conflict. This is typical with couples who have drifted apart. They decide to have an open and honest discussion about their relationship and they end up fighting for days. You can't move forward if this is the case so you need to establish an understanding about how communication will be handled.

Many couples who are facing divorce find it beneficial to journal what they're feeling in the form of a letter to their partner. This is an effective way to share your thoughts with one another. Once you both have your letters prepared you can then sit down with one another and read your letter to your spouse and then have them do the same. Promise to listen to each other while you do this. Although it's just a starting point it will get you back on the road to talking about the issues that are at the heart of your marriage again.

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"How do I stop my divorce and save my marriage?" That question is always said with a deep sense of sadness and regret. For many couples it's hard to know when things went so terribly wrong. You never envision, on your wedding day, that you'll end up in the place you are now. We always go into marriage with the very best intentions, but sometimes that's just not enough. Once the notion of divorce pops up, it's hard to move past it. The spouse who talked about it first feels guilty and the spouse, who wasn't thinking of it before, can't focus on anything but the fact that their partner wants out.

As hard as it is to be in a marriage that you know is falling apart, you don't have to simply give up and allow the relationship to die. You do have the ability to stop the divorce so you and your partner can forge ahead with a plan to rebuild your marriage. This may feel impossible given what you two are dealing with now but it's not.

Communication is something you hear a lot of when your marriage is failing. We all know the importance of talking to our partner about what we feel. However, the actual act of talking can become very challenging when you two are always at odds. Even the most innocent of conversations can turn into a full blown argument. You both may have given up on the idea of talking of anything of substance. If this is the case, that has to change as soon as possible.

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Work with one another to devise a plan of open communication. It may include doing things like writing each other a letter detailing what you're feeling or having an egg timer on hand so each person can talk for a set period of time without interruption. The main thing is to find a way to talk without it causing either of you too much pain or anxiety.

You have to be willing to forgive your spouse if you want to stop your divorce and save your marriage. You both likely have been holding onto a great deal of resentment and anger. It's hard to forgive when the person you are closest to hurts you. You have to learn to let go of all of that pain if you hope to move forwards toward reconciliation. Be the leader and show your spouse how to do this by treating them in the same kind and compassionate manner you want to be treated. Something that seems as insignificant as this can actually have a tremendous impact on the relationship in a positive way. You both need to get back to a place where you appreciate each other.

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Your spouse wants out of the marriage. They're unhappy and right now they feel that the only thing they can do is leave. You're not on the same page as they are at all. You want to work on the relationship and get it back to the loving and fulfilling place it one was. Someone has to compromise and chances are good that it's going to be you. If this sounds like the script of your life as of late, take heart. Just because your partner is feeling as though they need to end the relationship, it doesn't have to end up that way at all. You can change your future and ensure that your family and marriage stay together.

One thing you can't do when your spouse wants out is ignore it. Some people take to threatening divorce each and every time there's a conflict within the relationship. They say they're ready to leave or they're going to see an attorney about filing for divorce. It's troubling when you hear your spouse talk like this. If they do it more than once you may stop taking them seriously. This can be a huge mistake. Listen when your spouse tells you that they're unhappy. You have to address it. It's crucial.

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Trying to keep someone who doesn't want to be with you only causes more tension and frustration for everyone. If your spouse says they want to leave, seriously think about allowing it to happen. If you hold onto your partner too tightly when they need some breathing room, they'll pull away even more. You have to think about a trial separation and try to see the positive in that. Many couples who do separate realize very quickly afterwards that it just isn't what they want at all.

Communication is obviously an essential part of keeping a marriage alive but it's not all about talking to each other. You really must think about how vitally important it is to listen to your partner more. Your spouse wants out of the marriage because they are unhappy. Do you know why they are feeling this way? Have you two discussed what they need from the relationship and you that they aren't receiving? These are difficult but essential conversations for the two of you to have. Listen to your spouse, even if it's painful to hear what they are feeling. It will be the first step towards rebuilding your broken relationship.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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